|
Personal gain
Link |
by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-10-06 15:00:09 (edited 2006-10-06 15:01:56)
|
|
I'm sure everyone has thought sometime in their life "I wish I didn't do this so much..." or "I wish that I wasn't like this..." Now, anything you do repetitively is something you gain from. For example, I give candy to little kids, and it costs me to do it. Why do you do it then? I feel happy when I see the smiles on the kids' faces. Another example: I don't like being overweight. Why are you overweight then? Because I enjoy eating. And it could even be something totally unlike what you think it is. Example: I give candy to little kids, and it costs me to do it. Why do you do it then? I've done lots of mean things to people throughout my life, and this is my way of finding self-forgiveness. Another example (this was a real account): I don't like being overweight. Why are you overweight then? Because I was raped when I was young, and now I don't like feeling thin and sexy because I'm worried I'll just be raped again. If you're always doing something, over and over, wouldn't you stop it if it was bad? You gain something from doing it, therefore you do it. A way to stop doing a thing you don't like is to find out what you're gaining from doing it. Afterwards, work to get that payoff by doing something else, or even better, by doing the same thing in a better or more productive manner. And before you say "It's too hard," check out my threads on Determination and Self-control and Taking action. You can become a better person. All it takes is some effort! If you want proof, try it yourself; humans are fluid, change is inevitable. All we have to do is change for the better.  |
|
Re: Personal gain
|
|
so true, well said. i used to be in trouble all the time, with school, my parents and police. i was cutting classes, partying all the timerobbing houses, stealing cars, doing drugs, dropping out of high school...and so on. then my luck ran out when i got caught by the cops. when i was supposed to serve a 2 year sentence but then i meet this really great lawyer/guidence councilor. long story short he said "i can get you off but if i see you here again you might not get so lucky" now i'm 23 training to be an electrician. getting married. and have been drug-free for about 3 years now.  |
|
Re: Personal gain
Link |
by
on 2006-10-06 18:03:37 |
| Ah but sachiel we often do thing with no sign of reward. I'm not talking about self-less acts of kindness, those make you feel good, I'm talking about something that has no good outcome for you or anyone else. These actions are done simply because our brain tells us this is the norm, and the ever-present feeling of wanting to belong says to do them. This is why people hang out with others they don't necssarily like, they do it because they fear both the change of finding new people and the need to belong. Things that are one out of personal gain are often side effects of those two states, and their many variations. To use your seccond example (beacuse I think I know who you're talking about), that person fears not the aspect of being raped but the social implications of such an event i.e. embareassment, pain, ect. One could argue that is a form a gain for a person, but the gain is only present if the act were to have been prevented, fear is not a viable determination of events. I fear heights, but I won't necessary ever fall from the top of something very high up. It is not gain that drives these actions it is fear, and desire; I desire to live and I fear heights so thusly I avoid high places. That person desires to not be raped, and fears the implications of the event; they recive no gain from it. If anything it is a loss. |
|
Re: Personal gain
Link |
by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-10-06 18:21:43
|
|
"...These actions are done simply because our brain tells us this is the norm, and the ever-present feeling of wanting to belong says to do them." Yes, they think they'll be gaining something; a sense of self and belonging. That's why they do is, to feel a sense of belonging... right? You seem to be smarter on this stuff than I, so I'll not say "I'm right!" too much XD |
|
Re: Personal gain
Link |
by
on 2006-10-07 19:27:59 |
|
au contrair, I'm not that good at all. It just sounds like I am is all. The only reason it sounds like I know what I'm talking about is because I'm just using basic psychology to explain things. Psychology is like quantum physics: you sound really smart, but deep down you don't understand any of it. You are right though: I'm making a sweeping genarlization, and you've provided a counter-example. Not everyone is bound by the exact same mental processes, the same actions can be driven by compleatly opposite processes. |