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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-04 11:46:48
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Yeah, it gets hot, and I lose all of my oxygen, which is why I have these flaps above my candy pillows. I just push the flap to the side, and there's an oxygen hole. If I really need to, I can take away like half the ceiling in here and flood the place with fresh air, but that's only happened once. And right now, for some strange and partly gross reason, it smeels like rotting potato chips in here... X_X If you have hope for the future, then that's a good thing. I'm not sure why, but it's definitely good. Also, is anyone here afraid to die?  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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nope, i am still depressed and probibly will be untill i can get out of my prison/house...The only cure for me is to get a girlfriend, otherwise I can currently just watch anime to get over depression temporarly. In the future I see myself dying alone and insane, however despite the fact that that is the most likely scenario to happen, I still for some strange reason have hope for the future. Otherwise I would have killed myself already, or at least till I finished watching my anime. You could say hope is keeping me alive, since I have it I can live happily for a while. I just dont wanna stay like this forever, because its getting me nowhere in life. (note, yes, i just copied what jomunga said...because i could noty have said it better for myself.) however, i hope that i will die protecting someone that i love....but...you know... my dad actually laughed at me when i fianlly confessed that i wanted to get married....he says "Why would you want to get married?" i think that dad has lost the meaning of being married...pity. wow, your computer is...interesting...  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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If my dad said that I would laugh in his face hard, no I would point and laugh. I wouldn't be able to say anything because I would be too busy pointing and laughing in his face. This is one time ignorance isn't bliss, just plain ignorance. That pity is very much called for. Afraid to die(laughs). I am actually a death maniac, I love necromancy, graveyards, crypt style architecture, undead things, ghosts, and the occult. I look forward to my death. I posted in the "How do you want to die." thread. You can thank video games for my love of death. However I dont like it when someone else dies (talk about hypocritical), unless they are evil, then I enjoy it all the more. Oh and Rin (Rin #2) go watch some more romance animes, its about time you start caring about your love life, because you are already 14. "Seize the future, thats what you live for" the future is better if you could spend it with someone you love.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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Rin #2: three words FIRST KISS STORY!!!!! that is an awsome and very touching little anime short! who is afrade to die? not me either! i long for the cold grip of death to fianlly take me to God. because lets face it...life sucks |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by
on 2005-11-04 18:11:20 (edited 2005-11-04 18:14:32)
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Rin said I don't care much for weddings (since that's your topic..). I'm only 14!!! But, really, I rarely care for my love life.^^ Rin said I care very much for weddings, (since that's your topic..). I'm not 14!!! But, really, I do care about my love life.^^ How interesting two Rins, two points of view.  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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ok everyone, updates on my depression. i was doing it yesterday, but my uncle got it me pissed so i just shut everything off and went to my room. i forgot everything i was gonna say. the dance is tomorrow, like i though, kitsune ignored my text message. so i never go answer till late today. the only reason she told me she was going with one of her friends(a girl) was cuz i asked if she was gonna go with anyone to the dance. i thought about asking someone else but they too had a date. so im screw if i do decide that i will go it will only make me more depressed and if i dont the same will happen. and for some reason everyday i aim kits-chan, some aj guy pups up on what she tells me, thats one of her so dear brothers. i was so happy when she told me i was her long lost brother, i felt so special, but then felt like i meant nothin to her when i found out about how just about every other guy she knows is her brother. how special is that. im not afraid of dying. im affraid of not knowing whats after death. even though i been in death cold grip before, i havent seen whats on the other side, and death slammed the door in my face. and like nightmare and jomunga, i too see myself alone. i see myself alone, unloved, unwanted, and unnoticed. im so depressed that i have consider to be the way i was long ago. to not care about how others felt. to just do what made me confortable and screw everyone else. to be with someone just to have someone. it didnt make a difference who it was. i just wanted someone and didnt care how they felt. im also considered to start smoking pot again just to stop feeling so much pain. at times its seem to be the only thing that could stop the pain. like right now, but unfortunately i dont have any. i would have to get it from someone else and i wont see that person till next week and when i see them im not feeling so down cuz i have been with kitsune not to long before. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-04 18:45:12
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Uhh, Ketsuki...? Those drugs are gonna kill you... Not going to dances because you have no one to go with shouldn't be all that bad. Take a look at me! I haven't seena girl I liked, except once when I was like 5... And then she moved... X_X Hey, could you go with Amber...? Heheh... now it's R&R&R... Just a note: If you're scared of death, that means you enjoy life and want to live. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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i know, but i dont see any reason to live if im just gonna be alone for the rest of my life. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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PLEASE do not start doing drugs again! that stuff will mess you up. and how can you be sure that you are going to be alone for the rest of your life.................................................wait......i cannot believe that i just said that...oh well, thanks to Rin and Ranger, i still have a little hpe left...not much, but a little. Goodnight all! |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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as a human i still hope, but there isnt much i can do about it. and i just know, somehow, but i know. and i most likely wont go back, but it sure seems like a good idea |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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Weed is expensive buy anime instead. Ketsuki you need to raise your self esteem a bit. How you are suppose to do that I dont know, but it at least will make you more appealing. Pride is the fastest way to a high self esteem. Is there anything you can be proud of? Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-05 00:55:21
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Yay, everyone's encouraging one another to do good things! This is a happy day... Yeah, use that weed money to buy other stuff... Like chocolate milk!! Or Panda Express!! And there's no way you can tell if you'll be alone in the future. If you say "I'm too ugly!" then a girl might like your personality more than your looks. Don't give up hope. Think of Lloyd on Tales of Symphonia... Hot-headed and stubborn as h***! Note that that's said after Lloyd says "I'll never give up, no matter how hard it gets." Hang in there. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by
on 2005-11-05 04:47:23 |
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Hi everyone!...U probably seem my name lately on the forums and i'm usually a cheerful guy....well that's just the outside.I wasn't really gonna to do this but after reading the posts in this thread i thought maybe i can at least express myself more.I'll try to keep this brief but this may get lenghty so please bear with me...okay? I feel really envious of Lady Rin and Ranger...you guys really sound like you're in love...maybe if i've done things differently in the past i could've felt the same way.....You probably see where i'm going with this....when you have felt so alone for as long as i have you try to hide it by pretending to be all cheerful.However deep inside you're a total wreck...that's how i feel.Trying to find what i'm missing in my heart...to spend what is left of my life not pretending anymore....i just wanna know once how true love feels like. I understand there are many people out there (maybe some in this thread) that feel the same way...but doesn't it feel like you're the only one when depression sinks in?It's a horrible feeling of emptiness.... Anyways it was a beautiful story the way Lady Rin and Ranger met (in the love at first site thread) and i'm truly happy for you....if only i've done things differently at that same moment i wouldn't be in the situation i'm in now.Like i said i'm going to keep this brief as i can,but lets just say if i said saomething or did something differently things may have turned out better.Unfortunately i can't change the past...GOD only WISH i COULD!!!! So here i am basically living alone (i do live with my grandma...she's the only family i have) and when she's gone....I just ...don't know what i'll do!There's so much i still wanna do but sometimes i have no motivation.I could just end it all but that's the easy way out...not to mention STUPID!...i dream of what could've been and continue living....waiting...waiting for LOVE...waiting for the end...i'm just waiting...that's all. Heh...sounds kinda pathetic on my part...hahaha...funny in a way...i don't wanna feel any sympathy...there are others on this thread with far worst problems.Just wanna let you guys know my story that's all....I'll just go on pretending the way i always do...HAHA... Thank you for your time everybody....^.^....  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by
on 2005-11-05 07:29:44 (edited 2005-11-05 07:35:42)
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I have always supported everyone here because I have lived with Ranger's PTSD and depression. I usually don't do something like this only I have to say something stronger. Ketsuki do you remember what Ranger said about courage? "It is realizing you need help and then seeking that help". He said this in the deepest depression I have ever seen him in. Even today, years later, on occasion he get's extremely depressed and sucidial. I once found him just staring at a gun and loaded magazine when I came home. I see that he get's the help he wants. I am not going to lose my husband, so we are both in therapy. Ketsuko you need help, please try to find it. Everyone comments on marijuana. Like anything else including alcohol marijuana can create a dependence. However in my personal opinion it's still better than alcohol. A seruous discussion on marijuana should be started since it is so prevalent and no one is telling you the truth about it. We have had many kind words from all of you about our relationship and we have had your support when we have been depressed. I would like all of you to know that there was a time several years ago when everything we had worked and lived for was within a hairs breadth of falling apart. Seriously, I almost left, walked out. I had a place to go, a job and I was in school. I stayed because I realized Ranger was very very sick and he needed me. I also realized I needed him. Nightmare is stuck in his own nightmare and can't do anything about it unless he wishes to change his life style, that is the only answer I see. I'm glad I was able to get Mu away from beinhg a goth. I don't think it's healthy Night. it's too depressing a way to live. Better to be a goth princess if oy know what I mean. Ranger and I changed our liftsyle completely so we could survive with each other. I think you need to do the same. Some of you needs therapy or other help and maybe you dson't know it. it doens't take a,much effort to find out and I urge you to seek it. I am not going to lose my husband becasue of his mental health. I don't want to lose any of you for the same reasons. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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strong words from a strong woman. Rin, i understand what you are saying, you are correct, i could probibly use some professional help, but based on my experiences, phyciatrists and thereipists do absolutly nothing..my firiend mike (Daiblo_Slayer)is still going to see a phyciatirist about his issues with his parents..but all it has done is push them farther apart. i had another problem when i was little and i when to a psyciatrist...compleat waist of money...i ended up overcoming my problem by praying and looking inside myself. about my gothic inclination...first off, a question. what exactly was Mu doing that was "Gothic"? personally, i feel that being a goth is keeping my sain. being a goth, i do not wallow in my dispare. but embrase it. accepting that sorrow is a part of life is key to not letting it get to you. i can understand how you might think that it is not healthy, but i have to disagree...to be honest, my depression does NOT come from being a goth....it comes from my solotude and lonelyness and a need to be loved. if anything it has made me stronger because it has tought me to have no fear and to help those who are in fear. it has givin me a unique perspective on life, as well as death. Being a goth gives me something to enjoy. it is not depressing at all! it is actually kinda fun to see people give you wierd looks as you walk down the street with a black cloak pulled over yout face. it makes me feel different, special. my lifestyle is ruled by my parents. so it is not mine to change once they reliese me form the ties that bind me here, i will be able to create my own life...untill then, i am kinda stuck here. the reason why i asked the above question is because i do not think you fully understand what a "goth" is...every single person that i have asked has gotten it incorrect so far and there are alot of people that think they are goth, and are not. i have a feeling that that is what Mu was doing....of course i could be incorrect here and if i am, i am sorry.....but i am just playing the odds on this one, you understand. if any of you want a full type out of what a goth is e-mail me (nightmare588@sbcglobal.net) and i will be happy to send you a compleat description |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-05 10:16:46
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Izumo, I used to have the same problem you did. Acting like everything's fine and dandy on the outside, when everything inside is a mess. I'm not sure how I fixed it, and there's still a small hole inside, but it's nothing compared to how it used to be. Try everything you can to fill this hole. My first thoughts when you said that you had one was "Religion" and "Love". You must try to fill this hole as it will (and notice it was WILL, not MIGHT) tear your life apart. It nearly did mine. I'm with Lady Rin on this one, Nightmare. Goths are known to be depressed, so I would suggest to cast off your gothic-ness as soon as you can move out. Right now it's a help to you, because you are stuck, socially and physically. The only social thing you have is this forum. Make friends on here, and make close friends on here. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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i have seeked professional help before. and i was put on meds. at firts they worked great. but after a week or so, it just made it worse. so i stopped taking the meds. and the pshycologist only asked me how was i feeling and why everytime i whent. other than that he said nothing, so i stopped going and decided that i was gonna deal with all my problems on my own since professional help did nothing for me. about weed, you are right lady rin, most people dont know anything about it, exepts that is a drug and that ppl use it to get high. but there is more to it than that. it can also have medicial uses. and i rather smoke marijuana than get drunk. i agree with nightmare on the whole gothic thing. and yes its funny getting the weird looks people can give you. i read one quote once, but dont remember where, but it goes something like this "they laugh at us because we are different, but we laugh at them because they are all the same." izumo, i think that everyone has been like that at least once in their life, that is how i am with everyone around me, and sometimes its kind of hard to be all happy on the outside when you are dying on the inside. and when someone notices there is something wrong and ask me whats wrong i just smile and say that everything is alright. there are only a few people close to me that i can open up to, can also open up to all my friends online, like everyone here. i told kitsu-chan that i had found a place where i belong, where felt confortable. i was serious, but i guess she thought i was joking cuz she said "the nuthouse still open, i thought they had closed the place." i dont know exactly what i felt at that moment, but i still answered her in a jokingly way "yeah, its been open for a while now, and they have a special room for you, they are all waiting for you here. you monkey" she dont like it when i call her a monkey. and i dont know why im writing this. im going to the dance, kitsu-chan was acting all cute so i would go. but she only sees me as her brother. and hurts me, but there is nothing i can do but enjoy the pain. well, i gots to go, i need to get ready. the dance strats at 9 and its 8:20. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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i alwaies thought that my gothicness might fall off as soon as i got out of here. maybe it will, maybe it will not. i think it suits me well though...i would not want to pretend to be happy even though inside i am still gothic....then i would have izumo's problem. i am just going to be myself, and myself is gothic. my parents are fighting and screeming at me again, why can't they just say "clean your room" insted of screeming at me for a half an hour. i just wish that i could hear mother say "I love you, Jason" insted of "JASON YOU ###### SON OF A #####!" or "JASON YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF ####!" (i have more, but the admin wouldn't like it that much) sometimes mom gets so mad that she hits me, it doesn't hurt because she is weak...but it really hurts my heart when she does that. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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It may hurt Ketsuki, but hey you can still be around her. Being a brother aint all that bad, its not like she casted you away. So you can still enjoy talking to her, and being around with her. Treat her like a sister and have fun with her at least. Being a brother or a boyfriend the only difference is you cant kiss her or show affection, but you can still love her and be with her. Her happiness should be yours, so make her happy. After I left middle school, one of my friends who went to a different school became goth the next time I saw him when I was in 10th grade. He looked completely different but acted exactly the same, I suspected it that he did it for the fasion. He did look better as a goth though. There were a pile of fake goths in my school, all of them became goth just because they were extemely ugly, I was thinking thats not even gothic clothing thats just bad fasion sense. There was only one true goth in my school. Long black hair, dark lipstick, dark purple dress, black nails, black eyeshadow, completely white skin, and very much depressed and the one of the few girls I had a normal conversation with in highschool. I am however slightly pissed because of a rude post on the mythical creature thread, but I gave out a piece of mind so I feel better. Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-05 22:44:34
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Nightmare... I feel so bad for you... And you can't even say something like "Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't clean my room, I'll get right on it."... 'Cause your mom would say "$^!$# $#^&95 *&)^%*!!!". There simply has to be some way you can get your mom and dad to cool off... I don't know it yet though... Happy Birthday, Kai, I hate it when your birthday screws over like that. But with yours, it's been three times in a row... Why is it that people just don't listen? And listen carefully? It seems like if everyone's parents and/or siblings would just be quiet and listen, everything would be better off... Heh, instead of cutting yourself, Kai, cut your dad :P |