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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by
on 2006-11-25 19:41:29 (edited 2006-11-25 19:49:18)
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@D-Ninja- This forum is really all that keeps me from laying in bed any time I'm not in school. It's not about being pessimistic, I can go out and be positive all the time and run around town with a big smile on my face, that won't change things other than everyone thinking I have a mental problem. It's not going to take away the pain or problems I have. It's not like I enjoy being in pain and knowing every night I go to sleep that I have a good chance of not waking up the next day, or that I could even collapse on the spot. The whole "Be positive and everything will be okay" thing doesn't work on everyone. @Rin- It's sad that you got hurt, but at least your still alive, that's still something to be thankful for. At least it didn't turn out worse than it could have. That does look like a bad spot at the end there, there's a spot near where I live that's pretty bad too, if your vehicle is too big and it's an average day your vehicle could get literally blown off the road and either down a cliff or into a ditch, the wind is very strong, it's a stretch of road and truckers have to drive very slowly to get through it.    |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by
on 2006-11-25 20:05:05 |
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I don't think people would think you had a mental problem, maybe happy, but there's no problem with that as I can see. I don't like going to sleep and worrying if I might have to tell the truth about my life, it's hard knowing most of your life is a lie. That doesn't mean I let it bother me. In all fairness you have a better chance of dieing every day than I do, but if I were to drive about 100 miles a day I would probably have a higher chance. If you were to take all the sadness between the last five people to post on this thread you'd have enough grief to literally kill someone. Yet how are most of them happy? I just find it hard to believe that anyone can say they can live their life without saying that being happy doesn't make them feel that way. Strength isn't measured by pounds it's measured in perseverance; it's exemplified in fighting against the current even if you are drowning; it's contained in even the feeblest of bodies. Life shouldn't be measured in years but in struggles overcome. (oh and rin you forgot to put in your "a" before "href" in the link, fixed it for you) |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-25 20:18:42 |
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Being happy is like a mask for pain in my case. I have nothing that makes me happy, nothing that lasts anyway, the occasional fleeting moment, but overall my life is a constant routine that will go on for the next 8-10 years at least, I can't hold out that long since signs have been telling me there's a better and better chance of it happening soon. If I could find something that could make me happy and make things truely worth living then that would be great, I would cling to it, but I have yet to find or have anything like that. I'm not saying that there's no chance I would ever find something like this, I could run across it tomorrow for all I know, I'm just saying if I don't or can't find something soon I won't be around to keep looking. I'm willing to try at life and happiness, however I am limited by a number of things at least at this moment in time, including money, school obligations and so on. My estimated life span is a few years, getting to a point where I can pass those current limits is about 8-10 years off. I'm not saying it's hopeless for me, but it's hardly looking bright. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-25 20:31:51 |
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There's an optimist in you yet. That's a far cry better than "I really have no goal to strive for, nor will I find one in my opinion." Not sure if my constant preaching of "be happy" did it or you are just starting to do it to appease me. In any case, you're definitely sound more optimistic. I've lead you to the trough, now it's all up to you. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by
on 2006-11-25 20:38:15 (edited 2006-11-25 20:40:22)
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The part "nor will I find one in my opinion" was a screw up during my typing. I'm not saying it to appease you, but you also havn't done anything that has given me any insight. I've known all of this, of course it's not hopeless because I can't predict the future, however I'm not totally optimistic about it, my belief is that I will die within this year to the next, the signs of it are showing. In all honosty the discussion I've had in this thread about this topic have made me less optimistic, not more. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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D-Ninja takin' words outta my mouth =P. It sounds nicer when you say it anyway. Johnathon, determination is where it all starts. Limits are meant to be transcended. Deep down you know what you want, it just hasn't jumped out at you yet. Those fleeting moments of happiness are hinting at your true feelings. Maybe take a bit more notice to them? I'd be a good place to start. Nice to hear from you Lady Rin. I pray you have a speedy recovery and peace in your turbulent times. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-11-25 20:55:23
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@Rin: Get back here along with Ranger! I miss your posts!! :D And I wish you a speedy recovery... but if it'll take another car crash to get you to stay here, so be it ^_~ :D @Jonathon: If your life is "a routine", change it! Get into a sport, start writing something, play some new games, do something! You control your experience, therefore you control an amazing amount of your life. No one's forcing you to do the same things over and over; they'll just make it unpleasant if you don't. Surely you can make things go your way somehow (especially if you use your "I'm gonna die soon, I have to be happy when I die!" card :D). And also, compromise works far better than "My way or your way, pick one."  |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-25 21:09:45 |
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The typical response I see from every person on this subject, "Go out and do it", pretty easy to say, far from easy to do. Listen, I tend to ignore that line because it really has no affect. It's easy to tell someone go out and do this or that without knowing them personally. It's not as simple as getting up running outside and doing things, I don't have that option around here. Seriously, I've heard that line so many times it's now cliche, I pretty much expect people to say that right from the start. It doesn't work. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-11-25 21:17:37
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Why not? Why doesn't it work? You always say "with my circumstances, I can't." Tell us your circumstances, and then we might be able to help; you've only got a few years left, what have you got to lose? :D |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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| You know what, that's fine you can snub our encouragement. I'm sure everyone will pity you and sing you sweet songs if you want them to. Sit in your ignorance and keep talking yourself out of it. Maybe you should think and realize that when you do that, there is a 100% chance you will not find the answer to your problems. Atleast if you get up and do something it's 50% you find it and 50% you don't. And quite frankly it is that simple. If you keep weighing yourself by the fruits of your actions, you will only find yourself wanting when it all comes to an end. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-25 21:41:19 |
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Wolf, thank you. You say it well too. You know the funny thing about cliches, there has to be some truth in them for them to exist. You can deny that I may have at the least made you think, but you have to think to type a response. It's that simple. I can say all that I want, but you choose to read, think, and type the response. I also admire the dichotomy of what you say: or better yet: There's only one other person that I know of that has nearly as much unwillingness to accept goodness, kotuso. He's perhaps the only person I know of that completely renounces love in all forms. Many long discussions with that one. I also find it quite ironic that rin shows up just as we start with you. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by
on 2006-11-26 04:19:23 (edited 2006-11-26 06:36:28)
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First off: "I can go out and be positive all the time and run around town with a big smile on my face" this is sarcasm. Yes I respond, I think about what you say to make a response to it, that hardly means your making me see the light as it were. This forum is all the keeps me from laying in bed any time I'm not in school, it doesn't make me truely happy, it's not something I can hold onto and have my problems go away or makes me feel better about myself. So it's not contradicting, I never said this forum is the only thing that can or is making me happy. @Wolf- With comments like this "I'm sure everyone will pity you and sing you sweet songs if you want them to. Sit in your ignorance and keep talking yourself out of it." I tend to care less about your opinion on the matter. I'm not snubbing anything for one thing, I've heard the things you and D-Ninja have said many times before except the difference being the other people I heard it from were better at talking about it, which in my opinion your bad at. I assume insulting me or trying to make me angry is your attempt at trying to get me to agree with you or teach me something you believe I don't know. Anyway I'm done talking about this, it wasn't even meant to turn into a discussion, just a kind of announcment as to explain if sometime in the future I dissappeared. All of this is stuff I've heard from people before, it's nothing new, just in D-Ninja's case it's worded better. I've done what I can already, last time I had the guts to try something it ended in embaressment that was the subject of the whole school for about 2 or 3 months, not to mention the other times which ended relatively the same way. One last thing D-Ninja, "I also find it quite ironic that rin shows up just as we start with you." what do you mean? I'm not familar with rin even before she left so I don't know what you mean. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-26 07:43:13 |
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It's just that rin and kotuso had quite the heated debate over the whole subject. You could go look it up if you wish, just look under rin's posts at any of the "love" threads. I'm not pointing out contradiction I'm pointing out dichotomy. That's defined as a sharp division into two parts. I'm simply saying that you seem to be divided at certain aspects of certain topics. Contradiction would be saying the complete opposite of something, which these are not examples of. Please don't misconstrue our attempts to help you as insults, that's the last thing anyone here would ever want to do. I understand that we can come off sounding very strong and seem overwhelming, but that's just us getting all riled up trying to help someone. Often times we get very involved with our posts, so try not to hold that against us. We apologize if we made you upset, that's not our goal. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-26 07:48:03 |
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It's not what you say so much as the way you say it. Wolf's post for example is far from sounding helpful, "You know what, that's fine you can snub our encouragement. I'm sure everyone will pity you and sing you sweet songs if you want them to. Sit in your ignorance and keep talking yourself out of it.". |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-11-26 08:20:21
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You know what, I still haven't heard your "circumstances" as to why you can't do anything... All right, do you wanna try something Jonathon? I will ask a question, and you have to reply to it honestly (and not something along the lines of... "Why do you say there's nothing you can do?" "Because I can't." "Why can't you?" "Because I can't." I'd need real answers, like "Why do you think there's nothing you can do?" "Because ____________. (since I don't know why you can't do anything yet, I can't put anything in that blank space)" After you answer that question, I'll ask another, and after you reply, I'll ask another, and so forth. I may end up sounding cruel and harsh, and you may get into areas you don't wanna answer, but self-honesty is crucial here. This may help you, if you'll let it. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by
on 2006-11-26 08:28:57 (edited 2006-11-26 09:24:56)
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@Sach- I live in a small town, everyone else's idea of hanging out or having fun is getting drunk. No matter what I don't lower myself just to fit in, that's not in my character. I can't leave where I live because I can't afford to, moving out and then adding in school costs would add up to almost 15,000 a year if I'm lucky, with no job I would be buried in student loans the rest of my life seeing as how interest is added and so on. My only friend at the moment is going to Toronto at the end of this year to go to IOAD[A school], he's staying with relatives so the loans he has to take are pretty much halved, also with the job he's going for he could easily pay the loans off which I can't do. So basically I can't go with him. I don't have the money to go anywhere, can't get a job because there are few stores around, the ones in the city and here in town are already full. That enough or would you still like to ask questions? I guess when you get right down to it, it all comes back to one thing, not enough money and not able to get it. If I had the money I could get out of here and go to a place I actually like that has the things I take interest in. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-11-26 09:56:04
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There is rarely such a thing as "enough information" when dealing with someone's problems :D Is it possible to do any sort of cardio workout? Or would your heart get in the way of that? Any hobbies you might enjoy? Like painting, wood carving, even decorating your own home? You have internet, all it takes is $20 and a trip in a car, and you could at least get yourself some sort of online-compatible PC game. I'm just tossing out random ideas here, tell me how these can work or how they can't work~ :D |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-26 10:36:28 |
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I can't do many cardio activites because of my heart. About the only thing I can do is walk, which I do every day anyway for an hour because I have the habit of doing it. Like I said, I used to have a hobby but I can't do it anymore do to a few reasons. I don't really have any other hobbies, I'm no interior designer, in fact I really can't stand the shows about them. I don't have the will to draw, I guess I don't really enjoy it all that much. The computer I'm on most of the time is a Win98 SE with about 1 gig of open hard drive space and a bad audio/video card. It's really only fit to run internet browsing, and I don't get any time on the good computer upstairs. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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Stop going school if you are going to die. Unless you enjoy it, it is a waste of time. However I thought I was going to die and stopped going to school, now I am busy making up for it. Why no time on the good comp? I say just watch anime, play video games, and listen to music until death. I guess WoW may be a good game for you at this point. I also got worried today that honeyko got appendicitis. She is hurting on her right side where here appendix is and is showing symptoms. She also has exams right now too. I told her to go to hospital immideatly if it gets worse.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V3
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on 2006-11-26 12:00:04 |
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@Jomunga- The problem is, I have a chance at dieing soon, I could live to my old age, but I just have a better chance of dieing much sooner. So I'd rather not take the risk of dropping school. I can't get on the one upstairs much for two reasons. One, my younger[Key word here is younger, when their young they always get their way] sister is always on it, and two the computer is in my parents room and they go to bed around 10. |