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Re: The Depression Thread V4
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on 2009-05-09 16:42:00 (edited 2009-05-09 16:54:25)
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Well, I don't come here often if at all, but at this point I really have nobody else to talk to and keeping quiet just makes me feel like I'm rotting inside. Today is my birthday, and it's been about a month now since my girlfriend has come online (MSN chat/video and mic chat is the only way we can really keep in contact, long distance relationship stuff), so I haven't had any contact from her now for about 27 or 28 days and there's only 3 hours left to my birthday with no sign of her, so she probably won't even be here to wish me anything, I can't really enjoy it without her around. I have no idea if she's alright and no idea if I will ever know what happened to her. This is what is mainly getting to me. I also got a reply back from the College I applied to for the Website Administration program, but they are saying that my Academic Math 3204 mark in my last year of high school isn't good enough. They said I am being considered as a Mature Student, but I have to take a National Adult Math Exam and score high enough to get into my course. If I don't score high enough then I think I still take the Website Admin course except I also have to do 2 other math courses (1 per semester). I've been out of school for a year now, because I wanted to take a year off and figure out what I really wanted to do in life, and Math wasn't my strong point in the final year of HS. So with my GF missing with no indication of her condition at all for over a month, this stuff is falling down around me and my mind is too pre-occupied with worry to handle it effectively. I find myself as sort of an empty shell at the moment, the days just seem to glide by without any sort of fulfillment or anything to look forward to at the end of it. Normally I'm the kind of person who just deals with problems or situations as I come to them, usually only thinking about a month ahead, but for the first time in my life now I find myself thinking seriously about what will happen to me. I'm getting generally scared about how exactly my life is going to turn out, whether I'll fail in my courses, whether I'll just end up alone in life, whether or not I'll even be able to afford the basics of a regular life like a house and food. I'm kind of a blank robot right now, doing nothing but performing whatever duties I'm supposed to without any thought.    |
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Re: The Depression Thread V4
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Not being in contact for a month is something to worry about indeed. Don't you have alternative ways to contact? I know when I was on online relationship I made sure to have phone numbers, addresses, emails, etc. Is there a reason why she is away for that long? If not then hurry up and find her.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V4
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on 2009-05-09 17:32:18 (edited 2009-05-09 17:35:36)
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Awwww Jonathan :cc! I agree with Jomunga, do whatever you can to contact her!! Don't let her slip away! My problem is that I always manage to find the ways to fall in love with the wrong people. Why does cupid keep hitting me with his stupid arrows when he knows that the person will never love me back. One was straight, the other was in a relationship, one was a Bastahd, the other... :c. RAWWWRR UGGHHHH l;sdkg;ls. Makes me want to SLG:Skd;glaSDKGasl;dglasdkgal;sdkg;asldkgk;lsd gl;sdkg;s glklgs;dkgl;skl;ls ;gg;ldgl;gl;skl;sdls all over the place. :x. Am also depressed because I was given the message "Sorry, you may post no more than 10 replies in the Waste of Time topic in 24 hours time." |
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Re: The Depression Thread V4
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on 2009-05-09 17:38:23 (edited 2009-05-09 17:44:05)
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Unfortunately I don't have any alternative means. She's in Florida, I'm in Newfoundland. The thing is, she is living with someone who I guess you can refer to as an adoptive mother (not officially speaking) since her real mother died years ago and complications with her father arose, anyway, said woman doesn't like me very much and therefore usually doesn't approve with home phone numbers and such. I had her cell phone number, but she had to get it switched out and of course it slipped my mind to ask for the new one. In a way I suppose this is my fault, and I am kicking myself now for not making sure to get the new cell number right away (I barely use my cell phone since I only really keep a pre-paid for emergencies, so it didn't cross my mind when she mentioned it). Thinking about all of this, the prolonged absence and coupled with my gradually degrading mind I am getting to the point now where I begin to question if it all even existed in the first place, truthfully I mean. It hurts to think that I was the only one with feelings in the relationship, I like to think I trust her more than that, but at the same time it seems easier to deal with the thought of her just leaving me without a word as opposed thinking something bad could have possibly happened. I don't think I'm even making sense anymore. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V4
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Happy belated birthday dude, how close to death...i mean old are you now? ^_^ Long distance relationships are difficult things, something I personally never wanted to deal with because of this very reason. The idea that a person so many miles away can truly care about you when you aren't there to look into their eyes or hold them close. I feel for ya but if she hasn't been on in nearly a month nor called YOU using HER cellphone then something is up. If it were me I would start to move on and I wouldn't be all dejected about it either. Relationships don't always have to be about finding "the one" all the time. Sometimes it's just there to enjoy someone else's company on a more intimate level. Emotions are fleeting and contradictory anyways. I can relate to ya on the math issue as well. I am 4% away from receiving a C in calc II which would allow me to move on and into pharmacy school where I'll never have to look at another integral or infinite series ever again. Fight it out with the administration, the more information you gather and the more you push, the more likely they are to let you by. I know I am going to fight tooth and nail to get my grade accepted because I've worked way too friggin' hard to be rejected because of a co-requisite course. And if all else fails, bend over and take the classes. It won't kill ya and after it is all said and done you'll still get a degree. School is nothing more than circus hoops to jump through with a piece of paper as a reward in the end. And all that piece of paper says is that you know something...maybe. Good luck to ya. You always have to fight hard for anything that's worthwhile in life, never back down. |
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Re: The Depression Thread V4
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on 2009-05-12 10:30:25 (edited 2009-05-12 10:33:12)
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Well I thank all of you for the words, especially Wolf's insightful analogy. The situation has changed a bit, my girlfriend has come back on, turns out she was confined to the hospital for a while. She's out now, but she believe she's dying and won't live much longer. I convinced her otherwise through our conversation last night, mostly saying that keeping a strong will to live is the first step in staying alive, so in the end I managed to cheer her up and get her to believe that she'll be able to recover and live long. I'm still extremely shaky regarding this, because truth be told, for everything I said to her I'm still afraid of the possibility that she could die. I guess all I can really do for now is try and remain calm and hope for the best. Usually I think too deeply about possibilities and "what if's", causing me to be in pieces, and I'm not really going to be of any help to her if I was like that. As for my other problem, school, I do have to take that Placement test on the 28th, so next week when I have ample time off of work I will have to try my best to bone up on as much Math as possible. My friend has been a bit of help, mostly trying to assure me that the test is simply a General knowledge test, multiple choice and nothing too difficult. Now that the problem I stated above has stabilized (for the most part) I think I can pull myself together enough to get it done. I still have my doubts and fears about everything, especially since none of the problems I had as of last week are necessarily solved by any stretch. If anything else I've only shifted from worrying about one thing, to worrying about something different. I have a feeling the following 2 or 3 weeks are going to be a trip through hell for me. |