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Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-14 18:23:41 (edited 2008-02-14 18:25:04)
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Since Theres many pinoy here i think it might be good to make this kind of thread If you have jokes feel free to post it here! P.S. - Its ok if your not a filipino or somewhat an alien still feel free, as long as every one understands your joke. Since Ive made this thread ill start w/ some of my jokes ======================================================================= Communication One Day one American Dug a hole As deep as 50 meters and on that spot he found a wired copper, then they found out that it was used as a phone line 2,000 years ago. Then One Japanese heard that story So the japanese then Dug a Hole As deep as 150 meters then he found an interesting thing, he found a long copper, then they found out to that that copper was used as a telephone wire and it was used 3,000 years ago Then One Filipino Heard that news he was amazed and astounded of what he heard so the filipino dug a hole as deep as 300 meters 2 times deeper than the japanese but then he did not find any copper, but then he said, "We are more advance than the 2 country!", there fore he concluded that people were using cellphone as a communicating device at that time ^_^  |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-15 01:01:02 |
lol nice one!! xP I dont have jokes to share but tat one is nice!! xP   
  You can visit me there!! |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-15 09:07:19 (edited 2008-02-15 09:08:25)
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Nice 1.... well i got only one.... and it sound a lot more funny in tagalog... =============================================================================== HARD HEADED An american, a japanese and a filipino was copeting on who has a hardest head... "AMERICAN"the anaouncer shouted over a microphone the american his his head into a holw brick, the holow brick was smashed into dust. the japanese said "impressive but not good enough" "JAPANESE"the anaouncer shouted over a microphone the japanese climbed a 25 meter high diving bord with the pool beneath it drained of water. he then jumped head first into the pool. the floor was cracked the moment the japanese landed. "try beating that" the japanese said proudly the filipino walked up proudly and shouted "you call that hard... you don't even match up to me" The filipino climbed a 50 meter high diving pool with drained as well "watch me" the filipino shouted "FILIPINO" the anouncer shouted over the microphone the filipino din't move a muscle "FILIPINO" the anouncer shouted over the microphone again while looking at the filipino still the filipino din't budge "I SAID FILIPINO YOU HARD HEADED MORON" Shouted the anouncer who was really annoyed after that the judges proclamed that the filipino won... =============================================================================== really lame if you ask me...  |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-15 19:00:41 |
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Wow! Nice thread you've got there! Unfortunately all of my jokes are either corny or green. I don't know if that's allowed here... Nice jokes, everyone! ^_^ lml
What if I jump out
of this speeding jeepney? Fly without wings Reach for the grey-painted heaven And out into the sea of infinity?  |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-17 01:55:05 (edited 2008-02-17 02:09:41)
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Pinoy Samurai In Japan, a competition was being held to replace the master of all samurai's in the world. Every country has a samurai warrior wanting to be the master. In the finals, it all came down to three competitors: An American, A Chinese and A Filipino. The American first showed his skills by letting a fly out of a box and with a quick swoosh of his sword, the fly was sliced in perfect half. The masters were impressed. The Chinese did the same thing, he released a small fly from a box then sliced it to four pieces while it is in the air. Once again the judges thought that no one in the world can compete against this. Then it was the Pinoys turn, he let out a fly then with a quick swoosh from his sword the fly let out an ear piercing sound..... but was alive and flew away..... The judges were dumbfounded.... they asked the pinoy "what so special about that? you didn't even kill the fly?" the pinoy then said "cutting fly in half? EASY, cutting it four pieces? EASY, but circumcission...... that takes skill" As always the Pinoy won. ==================================================================== 1st To the SUN! RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space USA: we're 1st in the moon Erap: we'll be the 1st in the sun USA: you can't go there, you'll burn Erap: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT! |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
 
on 2008-02-17 02:28:16 |
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*rolls on floor laughing* that Erap joke is one of the funniest erap jokes i've heard so far! ahahahaha... i luv this thread! keep the jokes coming! |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-17 03:52:07 |
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lol!! love the erap one!! xP
You can visit me there!! |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-17 16:51:03 (edited 2008-02-17 17:06:15)
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to "WEAR" or not to "WEAR" ???:Mom Can i wear Bras now? MOM : No! you cannot ???: But MOM im 16 already Can I wear bras now MOM: NO! you cannot ???: PLEASSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! MOM: Son! Stop it i said You cannot wear brass coz your a BOY! =================================================== "ahh.." MMDA:(with pen and ticket) to a traffic violator MMDA: name? Foreigner driver: Wilhelm von Corgrinski Papakovitz MMDA: Ahh.. Next time be careful ok ==================================================== "New SHOES" Man: Hey man is that your new shoes Man2 : Yeah! thats right Man : Where did you bought it? Man2 : Nah! i just saw it under my wifes bed Last night =================================================== "IF" if youre ears itch, someone is thinking of you.. if youre eyes itch, someone wants to see you.. if youre lips itch, someone is dying to kiss you if youre entire body itches.. hehehe then you must take a bath ====================================================== "Good Year" if you have s** 365 times last year and kept all c**doms and melt them, you can then make a tire and actually call it a GOODYEAR!!!! heheheh ==================================================== "COFFIN" a cardiologist was buried in a heart shaped coffin. one of the doctors laughed. when asked why he said.. im just thinkin about my coffin im a gynecologist ==================================================== "WOMEN" Reporter: Mr. President. How many women do you believe must a man marry? Erap : 16 !! Reporter: Why ? Erap : Because the priest says: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse. ============================================= "Execute" Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house? Because the contract reads: "Execute all 3 copies together with your wife..." ============================================ "SURRENDER" Erap: Sumuko na kayo!!!! MILF: Hindi kami susuko hanggat hindi mo naiispell ang “SURRENDERâ€!!!! Erap: Tuloy ang laban!!!! |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-18 04:24:41 |
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haha wow those jokes r punie xD good thing they r written in English lotsa people will surely understand them xD 
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-18 05:06:14 |
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@Sonata: waaaa... you beat me to the samurai joke.... now im out.... oh well still an old joke but... still funny in this time... =============================================================================== "cleaned" finger A man went to a province of rice feilds and the urge to take a Dump fell upon him. "god what do I do" he said He saw crude toilet whose walled were made of wood and whouse bowl was just a duged hole "better than nothing" he said while he proceded to take a dump After finishing he wondered how to clean his A$$ until he saw a sign that said: "to clean A$$ use your pionting finger" "What" he shouted but after looking around he thought "oh what the heck" he proceded to clean his A$$ with his Finger and then wondered how to clean his finger until he saw a hole with a sign above that says: "to clean finger insert here then an arrow pointing to the hole" the man inserted his finger at the hole and outside was another man with a hammer who whacked the man inside's finger the man, in response to the whacking imediately put his finger in his mouth |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-18 17:17:24 |
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@XERO: Nehehehe i got some, new jokes ========================================== "why NOT" Beth:Maria Your pregnant!, why dont you mary your Boyfriend Maria: His familly doesnt agree Beth: who in his familly doesnt agree is it his father or his mother? Maria: Its his WIFE Beth: #$%^&$%^& ===================================== "JOB INTERVIEW" BOSS: Ok, Tell me what do you know and what you can do APPLICANT: I know where you live and i know where your other girl lives , and ill tell your wife about that BOSS: OK your HIRED =================================== "BOOKS" Teacher:What is 34 books + 25 books Student:Its 59 MA`AM! Teacher: Good now what is 18+29+30 Books Student: Its 77 Books Teacher: Very good. Now, what is 950 + 136 + 672 + 490 + 854 books? Student: Uhmm.. Ma`am Its a library ======================================== "THE TEST" Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.†The king then explained the trial to him. “You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten.†The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?†The second one replied, “I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.†================================================== "Inquire" Erap: I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco Operator: Just a minute sir Erap: Ah, ok. Thank you. ================================================= "Address" Reporter: Erap what do you plan about the Homeless people Erap:I have many plans for them, But there is only one problem Reporter: What is it? Erap: I cant find them, i dont know where they live ================================================ "NEWSFLASH 02" News Flash. Pierce Brosnan has resigned from playing James Bond and was replaced by a Filipino Actor named Joseph Estrada, IQ 007 His first movie is titled "His Brain is Not Enough" ============================================== IZPELING Jinggoy : Dad do you know whats the spelling of SAKSESFUL Erap: Son make it 3 to make it sure |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-23 10:31:01 |
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hahaha!!!! XD grabe mahn, nakakaaning mga jokes! natawa aq dun sa pinya . . . XD makasali nga . . . ------------------------------------------------------------------- REPORTER: sir, what's your favorite color? ERAP: fuchsia REPORTER: can you please spell it? ERAP: pedeng red na lang? (can i change it to red?) ------------------------------------------------------------------- BABALA: sobrang korni ito Q: cno anak ni mona lisa? A: e di c mona kuto! ------------------------------------------------------------------- i'll post again next tym . . . di q na kc maalala ung iba qng alam na jokes e! |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-23 16:27:24 (edited 2008-02-25 16:18:15)
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"The BOOK?" Erap looked at the librarian and said: This is the most boring book I've ever read. It has no plot, yet so many characters. Librarian: Excuse Sir, that is a telephone directory. =================================================================== "MOTTO" For the Army . . . . . . . "No pain, no gain." For the Air Force . . . . "No guts, no glory." For the Marines . . . . . "No fight, no surrender." For the Abu Sayaf's . . "No ransom, no release." For the Security Guard...."No ID , No Entry For Erap . . . . . . . . . . "No read, no write." ================================================================== "MODERN INVENTION Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the two. The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The Japanese asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?" GERMAN: "Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien Germany... the headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters in zee Berlin." The Japanese, not to be outdone, also started talking in his native language. The German asked him, "Vhat is dhat?" JAPANESE: "Ano ne..kore wa is latest Japanes technology in Japan! Have mic implant in tongue... and speaker in ear. I speak to office in Tokyo...neh." ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and looong FART. "....TRRRRRRR, TRRRR..PURURUUUUUUUT!" The two businessmen closing their noses say...."&^^%$#@! WHAT'S THAT SOUND???" ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A FAX!! ================================================================== "AMINLAS" KANGAROOS (DURING AUSTRALIAN STATE VISIT) Reporter: Mr. President, how was your visit to Australia? Erap: Well, it was nice. I saw many dangaroos. Reporter: Sir, you mean, kangaroos? Erap: No! Dangaroos! It was written: "Beware, these animals are dangaroos(dangerous)!" ================================================================= "SAVE" FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blinfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....". FVR shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion. It's Cory's turn. She shouts: "Earchquake!". The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape. Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Erap had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." Erap shouted: "Fire!". ============================================================= "LOST IN LA Erap visited Los Angeles Ca. and decided to go to Downtown L.A., walking all day he got lost fortunately, he have his cell phone with him. He called his assistant and said Erap: I am lost, can u please pick me up. =========================================================== "ERAP IN LIBRARY "What time does the library open?" Erap on the phone asked. "Nine A.M. " came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" Erap asked in a disappointed voice. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. ====================================================== "IN LABOR" One particular day many years ago, Erap's wife was having labor pains. Erap panicked so he called their doctor. Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor! Doc: Is she in a lot of pain? Erap: Yes, doc! Doc: Is this the first baby? Erap: No, doc. This is Erap! ===================================================== "LOST" "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?" "ha, who said I wanted to get in?" Erap sighed sadly. "I want to get out!" Assistant: Sir, Where are you at right now ? Erap: I am standing in the corner of Union 76 gas station. Assistant: But Sir, there's a lot of Union 76 gas station in downtown L.A. Erap: I know that, I'm not that stupid. You won't miss it, it's the one with the blinking sign in the corner that says " WALK/ DON'T WALK" ======================================================= "ANOTHER EXAMPLE" Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden? ERAP: Carabao, ma'am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example? ERAP: How about another Carabao? ====================================================== "PHONE CALL" Doctor: What happened to your ears? Erap: I was ironing my pants when the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead. Doctor: What happened to your other ear? Erap: The Son of a B***h called back. =================================================== "WINNING" Eraps walks into a casino where he see's a coke vending machine. He puts in some money and a coke falls out. He smiles and keeps putting in more and more money, and getting heaps of cokes. He does this for about an hour or so until an aide comes up to him and says "Havent you had enough, Sir?" and he says back, "No! Cant you see I'm winning!" ================================================= "Ballpen" Pedro: Miss pabili nga ng ballpen. Miss: Sir, wala po kaming ballpen. (Inis na umalis si Pedro!) Pedro: My God! Penshoppe walang ballpen! ================================================= "Water" Teacher: ano ang formula ng water? pedro: h-i-j-k-l-m-n-o-p Teacher: Mali! anu pumasok sa utak mo at yan ang sinagot mu? pedro: di ba h to o? ================================================= "Timing!!!!" Maagang umalis si Pedro pauwi sa probinsya nila, nang nasa bus na sya katabi ang maganda tsiks, biglang sumakit ang tiyan nya, parang nauutot sya (sa isip2 nya kung uutot ba sya o hindi, aircon pa nman ang bus tpos tsiks pa katabi nya...)may nakita syang lubak sa daan... sasabyan nya ang pag daan ng bus sa lubak tpos sabay utot para hindi halata sa katabi, POOOOOT....sabay tingin sa paligid, lahat tulog dahil sa lmig ng aircon bus... haay salamat sbi nya sa sarili nya, 20mins. sumakit na naman tiyan nya, nakakita na nman sya ng lubak sinbyan na naman nya ng utot ang bus, hanggang sa umabot ng limang beses ang pagasbay nya ng utot sa lubak. hanggang sa huling utot na hindi nya na makaya at walang lubak sa daan...napapautot na sya, buti na lang at may lubak sa unahan, kaso napautot sya na hindi umabot sa lubak POOOOOOTTTTTTT, sabay lingon sa katabi, sabay sabi ng tsiks, HINDI KA NAKA TIMING NOH??? pedro: hindi ba H to O? |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-02-23 21:32:18 |
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wahuuu, ilove the jokes! ^_^ Pedro and the Scholar: Scholar: Pedro, let's play a game, if you can't answer my question, pay me 5 pesos and if i can't answer your question, i'll pay you 5000 pesos. deal or no deal? Pedro: *thinks for a few seconds* sure, that's a deal. Okay, you go first Scholar: what is the scientific name of dog? Pedro: Hmmm... *brings out 5 pesos and hands it to the scholar* Scholar: *takes the five pesos* okay, your turn then Pedro: what animal has 4 legs before climbing a mountain and has only one leg when it reaches the mountain peak? Scholar: ummm.... *brings out his books and does research, he spent a lot of time and effort to find the answer to Pedro's question, but then, he couldn't and so, he gave up* I don't know the answer to your question *hands 5000 pesos* Pedro: *takes the money* thanks Scholar: so, what's the answer to your question? Pedro: *brings out 5 pesos and hands it to the scholar* Amf... hahahah ^_^  |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by zparticus27
on 2008-05-19 21:00:09
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(its in tagalog >.<) Pasahe Sa Isang Jeep Pasahero: Mama, Magkano Po Yung Pasahe? Driver: 7.50 Yung Minimum Pasahero: (Dumukot Ito Sa Bulsa Para Kunin Yung Pera Niya, Ngunit sa Di Sinasadyang Dahilan Kulang Yung Pamasahe Niya.) Patay, Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Paano Kaya Ito? (Nag Isip Ito At Lumingon Sa Driver. Napansin Niya Na Duling Ito. Sabi Niya Sa Kanyang Sarili, Tama Duling Yung Driver Sigurado Pag Nagbigay Ako Ng 3.75 di Niya Mapapansin Na Kulang Yung Pera Ko. Kasi Doble Yung Paningin Nito. Inabot Niya Sa Driver Yung Pera. Ngunit Laking Gulat Niya Nung May Sinabi Yung Driver Sa Kanya. Driver: Kulang Ito! Pasahero: Anong Kulang? Di Ba Sabi Mo 7.50 Yung Minimum? Driver: Oo Nga 7.50 eh Dalawa Kaya Kayo. Patay! Akala Mo Lusot Kana ha? --------------------- Praying for 10 Pesos Sa loob ng simbahan ng Quiapo, isang batang pulubi ang mataimtim na nanalangin sa Diyos. Pulubi: "Panginoon kung maaari po sana ay bigyan ninyo ako ng sampung piso dahil gutom na gutom na lang po ako." Narinig sya ng isang pulis na kasalukuyan ding nagsisimba at bumilib sya sa katatagan ng bata sa pananampalataya sa Diyos. Sa kanyang habag ay dumukot sya ng limang piso at iniabot sa bata na ang sabi: "Amang, narinig ng Diyos ang panalangin mo at heto tanggapin mo ang perang ito at ibili mo ng pagkain". Tumingala ang bata sa pulis, kinuha nya ang limang pisong iniabot at muling yumuko para manalangin: "Panginoon, salamat po sa pagdinig ninyo sa aking panalangin, pero sana naman po sa uli-uli wag na ninyong pararaanin pa sa pulis, kasi malaki na ang bawas". |
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Re: Pinoy Thread Of Jokes!
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by
on 2008-05-22 21:08:50 |
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Hahahaha, OMG those jokes were hilarious!!! hahahah I have a new concept of that Erap guy now... ROFL A silly joke: A guy survived a plane crash and found himself in the middle of the jungle, suddenly a whole tribe of cannibals surrounded him with arrows, spears and clubs ready to kill him. So he says: "crap I'm screwed"... but then a heveanly voice is heard which says: "no my son, you're not screwed yet, you just have to knock out the son of the leader who is at his right and then take his spear and thrust it right in the leader's heart" The guy does all what voice said... "Ok I did as you told me, what now?", he says. the voice says: "Now?... now you sure ARE screwed foo~!"   |