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Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-02-08 00:05:09 (edited 2006-10-05 21:45:09)
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I am working on a hopefully original story, and I'm hoping it will be received with joy (yeah right, this is like my first time ever writing something...) ^_^; So, read on, and give me thy comments on Tenshizumi! Character bios: Watanabe Yukio Sex: male Age: 16 Eyes: grey Hair: brown, combed downward Personality: Rather negative, has a bad habit of asking questions that few or none can answer. Wants something from life, though doesn't know what. If it weren't for those traits, though, he'd really be a nice guy. Izumitaki Akina Sex: female Age: 15 Eyes: purple Hair: purple, in a long braided pigtail Personality: Very upbeat and down-to-earth. Tries to be a positive influence, and eager to help others. Shimizu Kane Sex: male Age: 16 Eyes: blue Hair: blonde, hangs loose to slightly past his ears Personality: Total chick magnet, though he's surprisingly immature and full of himself. Shiramori Hoshi Sex: male Age: 34 Eyes: brown Hair: dark brown, well combed Personality: he's a man of few words, helps whenever possible (though he won't look for opportunites), values education above all else. Also a teacher at school. Takahashi Rini Sex: female Age: 7 Eyes: orange Hair: red, short, in scruffy pigtails Personality: extremely energetic, and is always looking for someone to play with. Daughter of Takahashi Etsu, another teacher at school. Chapter I: Questions Watanabe Yukio didn't want to go to school... He'd already learned everything he needed to; basic math, spelling, reading, how bodies work... Why should he go if he didn't want to? It wasn't like he could get a girlfriend, being as mediocre as he is. It's his life, if he wanted to he could just go off somewhere and live off of whatever berries and animals he could find. It's early spring, and food will be abounding. He wouldn't become a thief, that'd infringe on others' rights to live; that's something no one should do... Almost like a force was urging him to get out of bed, get cleaned up and go to school, he hesitated and wondered why he should even get out of bed. Combing his common dark brown hair, brushing his perfectly normal teeth, eating a generic breakfast... Was there anything special about him? What did he have that others wanted? Questions still in his mind, he submitted to this unknown force and began his morning routine. While cleaning his roon, he noticed things he had never noticed before. The amount of dust that would collect in the corners, how simple his room with only a bed and dresser looked, and even the patterns on the ceiling. The shadows cast on the walls from his blinds reminded him of days long past, when and why he could not recall. Something about those shadows, just thick lines of shadows, seperated by thin lines of light... What was it that made him think of his childhood? Putting his thoughts aside, he put on his grey backpack and set off. Arriving at school, he came upon some familiar faces. Izumitaki Akina, nearly all boy's desire at the school. She wasn't even aware of it; she just lived happily like she always did. She wasn't particularly gifted, either; the only thing noticeable about her was having purple hair and purple eyes, a set that matched. She was rather slim, and had long legs making her look attractive, but she didn't have amazing beauty, didn't look good in a bikini, and wasn't smart or athletic. What did she have that he didn't? He saw yellow-haired Shimizu Kane, the male version of Akina, though he was well aware of the attention he was getting. He'd make comments about his majesty and skills all the time, under any cirumstance, and to anyone, until by now no one even listened to him. At least, no male wanted to listen to him. The girls were always all over him, asking him questions, making him tell his "true" stories of how amazing he was, asking him if hey could carry his books... "Get a life," he thought. "That guy won't get you anywhere. He's all about having fun, getting all the attention, and being popular. Get someone who'd get you somewhere, someone that'll make your life worthwhile..." He knew he was subtly talking about himself, but he liked praising himself from time to time... Who didn't? "Hey, the bell's about to ring! You better get to your class!" A high-pitched female voice said to him. Turning around he saw the cheerful face of Akina, clad in the traditional blue sailor outfit. "Since when do you care about getting to class on time?" he retorted. "Ever since ever. Nice of you to care~!" She had nothing; no riches, no boyfriend, no nothing to make her life good, yet she was happy. She even managed to get her once ragged hair, all messed up in a clumsy heap of purple lice food into something rich, healthy and long. Now it was all the way down to below her knees, nicely done in a long, single braid, complete with a little bow. Her bangs dangled over her forehead in a neat arch, and some ventured further to slightly cover her eyes. "You finished your project yet, Yukio-senpai? Shiramori-sensei's gonna be angry if you didn't get it all done." She was answered by silence. It was something he did all the time when he had an answer but it wasn't a good one. "Did you even START it?" "Nope, and-- Guess what? I don't really care either. Why the heck do we need to care about which ships sunk which ships way back in World War II? It's not like we're ever gonna use that information again." "We probably aren't, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. Eventually you'll come across something that makes you happy, whether it's a girl, a new gaming system, an internet site, or a cool teacher. So why not be happy until then? You're still alive; you have everything to be grateful for." "Maybe you're right. Thanks, Akina." By saying that, he assured the fact that Akina would leave him alone for a moment. "Yeah, see? Things are looking up already!" She smiled and headed for her class with a slight skip in her step. Watching her skip off like that made him slightly happier, for some unknown reason. What was it about that scene... It made him happier, and he didn't like that. After he noticed he didn't like it, it made him even more upset. Shouldn't being happy be a good thing? * * * * * * * * "Watanabe Yukio! What's your reason for not finishing your project this time?" said a voice at the front of the room. "This is the third time you've not completed all of your work. I may have to send you to the principal's office, and I don't make idle threats." "Shiramori-sensei, will we ever use the information we get here? Why does it matter to come here if it's all for nothing?" "Education is the most important thing you'll ever get. How do you think I got this high-paying job? It certainly wasn't from acting like you are now." "If I need to act like you to get a good job, could I at least look good?" Several hushed snickers were heard across the room. "If by acting like me, you mean being smart, then yes. Now if I'm expecting better grades from you after this. Do it, otherwise I have no control over what may happen to you in the future." Yukio sat down. "This is stupid," he thought. "Everyone does what's normal without thinking about it. But what good will this really do us? What good will it do us after we die? Why even put up with this?" Questions plagued his mind, struggling for the light of answers to be shed upon them, only to be showered with the darkness of silence. Unable to keep his thoughts to himself, he absent-mindedly spoke. "People say that I have nothing to live for right now, which is why I feel like life is worthless. But what IS the point to it? Science and evolution has proved there is no God, so nothing happens after death. If all we do is live and die, what does it matter? Who even cares? Life is pointless, yet you idiots still try. Why try? Why am I trying? When will I realize my meaning in life? Do I even have a meaning in life!?" And he was answered with more silence, if anyone even heard him. * * * * * * * * During those brief moments after class, he heard about a transfer student coming tomorrow. Something about him being a total oddball, something that made him ceepy to even look at. No one knew who he really was, all they knew is that he was just a creepy transfer student. "Good," thought Yukio. "Finally something changes... maybe it'll be good having someone new..." Upon further investigation, he found out more about this mysterious student, including him having black hair that goes to his neck, dark eyes, and always wearing a large backpack while at school. No one had seen him at home or at the local store, so no one knew if he ever took it off. It wasn't long before everyone started calling him whatever backpack derived names they could think of. During lunch, Akina sat by Yukio with her usual air of joy. "Why are you always so depressed? It won't do you any good to think that. If you're depressed, you only notice the bad in life and you'll never see any point to it. That's why you must get up and out of your sadness, cast off all those crabs pulling you down, and be free~!" "Crabs...!?" he thought. "...Why the heck crabs!?" "Hey, you gonna eat that?" Akina asked, pointing to some sushi in his lunch box and winking. "Because wasting is bad, you know. You should always give your food to other people before it goes bad if you won't eat it..." Yukio pushed his lunch box toward Akina and walked out into the hall, hearing Akina yell "Tha~nks!" while he was leaving. "I've done my nice act for the day," he thought. "Now I can be slightly closer to peace, until tomorrow." Doing something nice everyday was something he started doing way back in childhood, before he could even remember. He can do as many nice acts a day as he wants, as long as it's at least one. Some days he found nothing to do at all and had trouble sleeping in the night, other times it seemed like everyone was sad and asking for help. "Hey, Watanabe!" He looked up and saw his least favorite person in school, Shimizu Kane. "Aww, Watanabe, why're so down? You could use some expert guidance from a man such as I!" he said in an omnipotent voice. "Buzz off, Casanova. Go find some girl to chase." "What could this be!? Someone thinking I am not worthy of helping? No one doesn't need help, especially if I'm the one helping!" "Only half right, I don't need your help, but I need you for something. I don't want to say it out loud, so I'll whisper it in your ear." Kane bent over slightly and leaned his ear toward Yukio's mouth, only to receive a punch in the gut. Lifting his hand, Yukio pointed down the hall. "I said buzz off, moron. Look, over there's a girl looking like she needs some 'guidance.' Aww, she looks so sad..." Kane suddenly lifted his head with wide eyes. "What!? Sorry, I, uh, forgot something. See ya later!" Dashing down the hall in the direction Yukio pointed, he scanned left and right searching madly for this girl Yukio told him about. "You'd think he'd learn after the seventh time... What an idiot." * * * * * * * * School was finally over for the day. It wasn't as bad as he thought, he didn't get an earful from Kane about how he couldn't find the girl like he usually did. He also didn't get his daily trip to the principal's office, which suited him just fine. However, what didn't suit him just fine was seeing two little red bouncing pigtails coming toward him. They belonged to Takahashi Rini, 7-year-old daughter of Takahashi Etsu, a teacher at school. She was very energetic, infinitely more so then anyone he knew, and she always wanted to play with Yukio; no matter the time, no matter the place. "Yuko! Let's play, Yuko!" Ignoring her way of mispronouncing his name, which she did for as long as she could speak, he simply walked on. "Yuko! I know you can hear me, Yuko! Let's go play tag at the park! C'mon, Yuko!" "Rini-chan, why don't you go play with your mom, eh?" he said cheerfully as possible, rubbing Rini's short and scruffy pigtails. "Because she's busy right now, but we can play! Let's play tag, Yuko!" "But I'm busy too. I have to go home and make dinner for myself." "Aww, you're always busy. Don't you play at all?" "Of course I play, I've played with you before. I've also played with kids at school." "But the last time you played with me was two weeks ago, and we only played for five minutes before you had to leave! And you always leave right after school's over, and for lunch you just sit by yourself." "...Have you been spying on me, little Rini?" "No, spying is for bad people. I just watch, because I can't go in the school while mommy's working. You should play with Akina, she looks fun!" "Then why don't you leave me alone and play with her, if she's so fun?" "Because I like playing with you, Yuko! Akina looks too old, anyway. She's like 15, and you're only 14." "I'm 16, not 14, and besides it's only a year difference... Look, I need to go home now. Go find Akina, she'll play with you." "Okay, I'll go play with Akina... Byebye, Yuko!" And with that, she was off like a dart. "Why me...?" he thought with his head hanging down. Further on his way home, he stopped by the park. It was empty, which surprised him. It was almost always full of people talking about their day, kids playing tag, people walking their dogs... He lied down under a tree, thinking about what he should do in life. Up in the tree, he noticed there was nothing up in it. Just leaves and branches. No birds, no fruit, no bees, just leaves. Was this a foreshadowing of his life? First the park and now the tree. By nothing being in something he usually enjoyed, was there some sort of relation to his future? What was going to happen in the future? There wasn't anything he liked doing, he just wanted to be free. Why couldn't something good happen in his life for once? Can't he just have what he wants, nothing more? His thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of some large object crashing through the tree above, breaking thick branches. Impulsively, he jumped away from the tree and lay there for a second, letting the shock of this event wear off. "Now what happened? Did someone throw a bowling ball at me? I'm gonna pummel whatever idiot did that..." Once he looked at the object that disturbed the peace, his eyes widened with amazement, shocked and dumbfounded at something as unbelievable as this... He was looking at an angel. * * * * * * * * Ha, cliffhanger! Bwahahaha...  |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by Renegade Bladesman
on 2006-02-08 00:37:29
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excellent work, can't wait for round two
Even from the realms beyond Life, Death, Infinity and Eternity, I still see you
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by
on 2006-02-08 01:05:34 |
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*Lifting his hand, Yukio pointed down the hall. "I said buzz off. Look, over there's a girl looking like she needs some 'guidance.' Aww, she looks so sad..." Kane suddenly lifted his head with wide eyes. "What!? Sorry, I, uh, forgot something. See ya!" Dashing down the hall in the direction Yukio pointed, he scanned left and right searching madly for this girl Yukio told him about. "You'd think he'd learn after the seventh time..." Yukio said quietly. "What an idiot."* my favourite part of the story. that's kewl sachiel^^ so when's the next part gonna come out? |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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Akina has got to be based off Sachiel. Yukio sounds like Nightmare or Ketsuki. And that loud mouthed, self absorbed, girl chasing, guy could only be based off one person. None other than the great me who has style and looks. See I am just like him, except the yellow hair. I pictured this as something like Pita Ten. I just knew their would be an angel at some point. Has Sachiel watched Pita Ten yet?  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by overlordsero
on 2006-02-08 07:13:37
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Cool nice work, had to figure an angel was gana show up ^_^ 
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by
on 2006-02-08 16:19:47 |
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Alright, fun stuff! I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-02-08 17:38:42 (edited 2006-02-08 17:39:59)
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Heh, of course an angel was gonna show up; I am obsessed with angels, as anyone that knows me must know by now ^_~ If you read this, then please tell me what parts you didn't like or if you didn't like it altogether (unless you simply don't like this genre of stories), so that I may know how to improve it ^_^ I'll get chapter two up earlier then I will the rest, I realize that this one is short. Afterwards, I'll be getting a new chapter here every week or maybe more often ^_^ Thanks for your comments! |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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I really don't like to be a critic(the profession,not member) especially when it is obviously better than what I can ever hope of doing,so i'm gonna make a few suggestions. Hopefully they will help you. The only thing I see is that you might need to do a character background chapter,those are fun. But its your story not mine,so the only other thing I could possibly find that you could improve on is maybe if you could be more descriptive. You described Yukio pretty well,but I did not find any descriptions for how the school looked like,or more importantly what the atmosphere in the school was like. Other than that,its all good. |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by Renegade Bladesman
on 2006-02-08 18:04:07
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kotuso, i've read the chapter, and there is plenty of time in later chapters to do stuff like that, go into their backgrounds and such
Even from the realms beyond Life, Death, Infinity and Eternity, I still see you
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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Yeah,since it is only chapter one,I mean I really don't like to critisize though,I think it puts me off as a Nihilistic Jerk. So uh...I guess i'll retract my former statement about the whole background thingy... *bow* |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by Renegade Bladesman
on 2006-02-08 18:09:22
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it's all good mate, just yeah, remember that this is only her first chapter, and there will always be time to do anything with the story
Even from the realms beyond Life, Death, Infinity and Eternity, I still see you
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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Good job. I liked it. I'm waiting for the continuation. 
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-02-08 18:24:07
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Edit: I've added in character bios, and Kotuso's post made me realize something else... I don't even know what the school's like ^_^; I'll see if I can come up with a description in the next chapter... |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by
on 2006-02-08 18:30:11 |
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As a fellow writer, and by no means professional, I would have to say this is a good work of fiction, it is fiction right. I like the story thus far, the only thing I can say is consider the following... ...Thus begins a story of beliefs, passions, and action. A picturesque blend of what makes a story good. This book comes highly recommended for those who would like a good plot with a dash of action. As the story unfolds the reader may find themselves lost the quickness the story is set up, but will soon come to appreciate the multifaceted plot line. The intricacies of the plot will captivate and bind you to the pages of the novel. The author brings to life every word, even the minutia of the mundane seems to take hold of the reader’s brain and become lost in the pages. Couple that with riveting action sequences and the eliciting details and the book almost comes alive in the mind of the reader. From the vivid descriptions of makeshift camps with the sulfurous stench that permeates the air to the hallowed halls of the great meeting room with floors so black and reflective it as if looking into nothingness. With every turn of the page the reader becomes more engrossed with the very being of the story. A must-read for anyone who wants a vivid detailed accounts of the very struggle that grips everyone, “in what do I believe.†That was an exert from my book review a while ago, I had to do it for a project. In it I belive it sums up what I expect your story to unfold as. The only recomendation I can say at this point is that the individual sections are very well put together but the intermediate portions namely between 2 and 3 seemed a bit jumpy. Remember a book is as long as you want it to be, feel free to elaborate. Especially on the foil charater(s), namely Shimizu Kane. In any case, good, well written, easy to follow the thought paths, and not as jumpy as some of the stories I've read. If I didn't know you were a novice I'd think you'd been writing for years. Keep up the good work and never write on an empty stomache, It'll show. |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by
on 2006-02-09 06:53:31 |
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btw,adding the bios was a great idea.at least i have a rough picture how they look like if i could draw,i'll draw the charactors images that's in my head now T.T |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-02-09 20:19:18 (edited 2006-08-29 20:38:40)
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Okay, here's chapter two, don't forget to tell me where I messed up! ^_^ ...Once he looked at the object that disturbed the peace, his eyes widened with amazement, shocked and dumbfounded at something as unbelievable as this... He was looking at an angel. Chapter II: A Fallen Angel Yukio held his breath. He didn't know what to do; how often did an angel fall from the sky? Looking at the tree, he was amazed that the angel's limbs weren't scattered everywhere; a third of the tree's branches were in pieces. Taking a double take of what happened, he realized that he didn't even know if the angel was male or female yet. He cautiously tip-toed over to the angel, then carefully removed all of the branches and leaves that were on it. After he could actually see it, he found out the angel was a girl, scantily clad in what she wore. Earlier there must have been more, as pieces of white cloth were in the tree. It looked like she used to be wearing a simple robe, showing from her shoulders down to her lower back, probably to allow wing movement and growth. Her wings were fairly large; he estimated that she may have a wingspan of up to 12 or so feet. He leaned over and he touched her neck to see if there was a pulse, expecting none, though he could faintly feel something. Adrenaline rushing, he grabbed her and carried her to the nearest hospital and was amazed at how small she was. She couldn't have weighed more than forty pounds, and she was far shorter than he was, possibly by a full foot. She had very long, fine, and loose hair that was dark in some areas and light in others. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that the darkest hair was at the top of her head, and a few inches from the bottom it would rapidly turn white, creating a dazzling display when moved from left to right. Everytime he ran under an overhead light, he would notice all sorts of odd things about her; her hair would reflect most of the light, her clothes brightened, and her wings turned a pure white. After moving out of the light, her clothes would slowly put out the light it had absorbed, and her wings would slightly shrink. It was a very small amount of shrinking, though, Yukio didn't even notice it until after at least 15 minutes. Upon reaching the hospital, it was almost entirely dark. Everytime he passed someone, they'd just stare at him in unbelief, wondering if it was a large bird and a girl he was carrying or really an angel. Dashing through the glass doors, he was stopped by two people, possibly police officers, but they didn't look like they'd came from the police station. One officer got light-headed and nearly fainted when he saw the angel, the other took two steps back. "What is this, boy? What kind of..." one asked, wondering if it was some sort of hoax. After, angels aren't real... are they? "I'm not sure, she just fell out of the sky," he replied, nervously. "I was just sitting there, and it almost fell on me. It broke branches off the tree I was sitting under!" "Yeah, right. No one's gonna believe that. Let me see her, and we'll see if this 'angel' is real." When he held her, he almost fell over backwords, obviously expecting much more weight. "What kinda of sting is...?" The other officer finally spoke. "Touch her wings, they're soft... almost unnatural," he said with a quick glance at Yukio. "I don't think this is fake, feel the wings where they connect with the skin. Her back is large, too... Extra muscles for wing movement?" Yukio had enough. "Yes, yes, she's real! Now get her to the ER!" "Pipe down, boy. We can't just take your word for it. If we believed everything we saw or heard without examining it ourselves, we'd probably be in jail or something. If you want to help, then leave." Yukio was furious. "What!? Leave!?" "I said pipe down. Something like this doesn't concern you, now leave. Immediately. And don't worry, if anything happens, we'll contact you, so just go home and go to sleep like a nice little boy." He knew he had to obey this officer, he said he'd inform him of any updates, and he couldn't afford to be in more trouble. So he simply wrote down his phone number, turned around and walked home. * * * * * * * * "Grandma, why won't you tell me?" Kane was arguing with his grandmother, Shimizu Kameko. "This matter is far beyond you, Kane. Just be patient, time will reveal everything." "But that requires patience! How can I be patient if I'm not? Me being patient is like... asking you to explain stuff!" Kameko was tired, she needed sleep. Yet Kane was bothering her too much. "Just go home, Kane, I told you to be patient. Your mother is worried about you." "But grandmaaaa...!" "You're beginning to sound like a little child, and you're 16. This won't be good for your image at school, you know, Kane." "But home is so far away, it'd take an hour to walk there!" "You got here on your bicycle, did you not?" "Grandmaaaa...!" "Hush, Kane, you'll wake the neighbors. Now hurry along, I need to get to bed." "Fine... Sheesh, 'respect your elders...' All it does is make you angry because they won't tell you cool things." Kameko watched Kane finally leave, and heard the bicycle coast down the sidewalk. With a small amount of trouble, she headed upstairs and to the left, to her room where her bed was, though didn't sleep once she was in her room. She merely reached for a large, nameless book on her bookshelf, opened it to her bookmark, and read in silence. * * * * * * * * "Ah, grandma, why won't you tell me...? I've been a good boy, you even gave me a cookie earlier..." Kane said out loud on the lonely sidewalk. He was frustrated, his grandmother told him that something very important was going to happen, something that would change everyone's life. "What kind of way is that to handle matters, it's like... It's like... so unfair... My mind can too handle it, and we won't be sure that it can't until you tell me... so it's only fair if you tell me, but 'Nonono, go home, blah blah blah, I'm tired.' If this keeps up, I may have to use words that my mom wouldn't appreciate... But if I did that, then I'd get grounded, leading to me being sad, leading to me getting angry, leading to me losing popularity, leading to me losing all of my loving lady-fans. Grrr, just tell me! This is a lose-lose situation... Okay, so there are always at least two things I can do... One is to force grandma to tell me... Two is to be patient... Three is to just not worry about it... I can't do any of those! Oh, man, this is soo unfair...!" He continued to talk about such things until he found Akina walking home. She needed help with her groceries, so he just HAD to help her of course. Afterwards he went home, left his bike in the driveway, said hi to his mom who didn't even realize he was gone, and just lay in his bed. Memories began to come to him, memories from times he thought he forgot about; times when his friend said something funny to him that he forgot about, him tripping and scraping his knee, all kinds of memories came flooding to him in a torrent of thought. Then he remembered riding in a car with Shiramori Hoshi. He could see the windshield wipers wiping off the rain, him talking to Hoshi about school, when suddenly his thoughts were interrupted. He grabbed his head and winced, something was hurting and he didn't know what. Almost like a headache, but far worse and coming from a very specific point in his head. A point he couldn't reach, a point that taking aspirin wouldn't heal, a point that was causing him excruciating pain. Pushing his brain to its limit, he tried to remember this forgotten scene which was causing him so much pain, hurting more and more with every word he remembered him saying to Hoshi years ago. Then he remembered it, the problem causing him pain. It was a child running in front of the car. A child he knew, but couldn't figure out who it was. He heard a thud when the bumper of the car slammed into the child, then he couldn't remember anything more. The pain had now subsided, and he collapsed on the floor. * * * * * * * * "Rini-chan, I think you should go home now," Akina said breathlessly. "It's been dark for a while now, and I'm exhausted." "But we've only been playing for two hours! Only three more to go, you can do it! C'mon, Akina, let's play more!" Akina sat down, though it looked more like she fell. "Look, I need a break badly. How about I play with you some more tomorrow, okay?" she said while rubbing her pigtails. "Akina, you rub my pigtails just like Yuko does. It tickles my head!" "Then how about this: I'll tickle you all over until you faint from laughing so hard, then I'll go home. Or I'll just go home without tickling you. Which one do you want to do~?" "Tickle me! Tickle me!" "That wasn't the answer I was hoping for..." she thought. "Rini-chan, you have so much energy... I feel bad for Etsu-sensei." She leaped for Rini and tickled her sides, ignoring her protests and kicks. "Give up yet?" "Noo! Tickle me more, stop it!" "You're not making sense anymore, Rini-chan, I think you're going insane!" "Stop it stop it stop it stop it!" "Then you give up?" "No! I can take more, tickle me harder!" "If you want me to tickle you more, why'd you say stop?" "I never said stop it stop it stop it stop it, you're making things up!" Akina rolled her eyes and stopped tickling her. "I don't get you at all, Rini-chan. Well, regardless of what you say, I'm going home now. See ya tomorrow, Rini-chan!" "Okay! I'll go play with mommy now!" And she was off like a dart, once again. "I don't get it," Akina thought while walking home. "Where does all that energy come from? She's must have an energy factory shoved down her throat or something, this is insane. I'm so tired... I'm gonna have trouble getting home... I need to go to the store and do some shopping tonight, too..." "Good evening, Akina-san! What are you doing out?" She looked to see Kane biking home. "Perfect," she thought. "I was playing with Rini-chan for two hours straight... Next time you need to come with me and help keep Rini-chan busy." "No thanks, I'll stay away from her. You're looking tired, need me to carry you home?" he said suggestively. "Not me, my groceries. I have to stop by the store on the way home, and I don't have enough energy left to do all of my work for tonight." "Ah, a damsel in distress... Of course I'll carry your groceries for you, milady." "It's not 'milady,' it's 'Akina.' Try it, it's easy. See, AH-KEE-NAH." Kane shrugged. "You're hopeless, AH-KEE-NAH. But I'll still help with your groceries. Just because you're not 'milady' doesn't mean you're not a damsel in distress." "Whatever blows your hair back. Thanks for your help, Kane-san." "Score." Akina took great advantage of this opportunity, getting Kane to do most of the shopping and carrying the heaviest things, while she only took some lettuce and a bag of assorted candy. "You sure you can't take anything else, AH-KEE-NAH?" Kane said a few times. "All this stuff I'm carrying is really heavy..." "I just don't have the energy for it... This is tiring enough as it is..." "Oh, don't worry then! I can take all this with ease, if you're straining yourself." "Aww, you're so nice Kane-san! If only I wasn't so weak..." "You're only weak because you tried to make Rini-chan so happy, so don't worry!" "Yeah, I guess so. I'd still want to do more if I could though..." Akina was trying to make herself sound terribly pitiful and sad to get Kane willing to do more, and it was working like a charm. "Kane's so gullible, I love it...!" she thought enthusiastically. "Well, I'm home now. You can just leave everything there and I'll get it inside eventually. My mom doesn't like unannounced guests." "I should get home, too. My mom is probably worried about me. See you tomorrow, Pretty!" "I'm not Pre-- Argh, whatever." Kane rode off on his bike, heading toward his home. Akina picked up all of her groceries and put them all away, then decided to head to bed. It was much earlier than she'd usually go to bed at, but she was tired from playing with Rini-chan and could really use the rest. Once in her room, however, she saw someone she never thought she'd see in her life. * * * * * * * * Yukio was at home, alone as always. He had an odd feeling about that angel he saw... For some reason, it seemed like he knew that angel from somewhere, or from sometime, but he didn't know where or when. He kept the phone nearby, awaiting a phone call from the hospital. "How'd the angel not die from such a fall? It's not like the tree broke her fall; she broke the tree with her fall. And how was she so light? And her clothes, the way they absorbed light was amazing... What on earth-- or what in heaven-- is she?" He tried getting some food to appease this hunger for knowledge, but it didn't work. Watching the newest anime wasn't effectual, either, nor was reading a book, doing homework, or exercising. He couldn't stop thinking about this whole event; why had the angel fallen near him? Was it just luck? And why were there two officers at the hospital, now that he thought about it? They were just standing there, waiting for something. Waiting for him? Or did they receive a call that told them someone was gonna bomb the hospital? Was there some sort of previous emergency? If only he had waited, he might've learned more, but he had to leave. Why did he even need to leave in the first place? He wasn't in the way or anything and could have simply waited in the lobby. His thoughts were interrupted by a phone call, which he hoped was from the hospital. "Hello?" "I must speak with a Watanabe Yukio. Is he in?" said an unfamiliar male voice. "Yeah, I'm here." "This call is regarding that angel you brought in to the hospital earlier. Her condition is not improving, in fact it's gotten slightly worse ever since you brought her in. She's losing stamina slowly, and we're not sure on how to bring it back. She's had an X-ray, showing that all that fall gave her was cuts and bruises, but it also revealed something I must speak to you in person about." This call was horribly unprofessional, and Yukio knew it well. It'd usually be "Hello, this is this company regarding so-and-so, is X person available?" Something wasn't right, but he had nothing to do at home and was dying to get out of the house. Plus, he wanted to see the angel again. "Okay, I'll be at the hospital in a few minutes. Should I ask for someone when I enter?" "No, I'll be waiting for you at the entrance." The caller hung up, leaving Yukio confused once again. He immediately slipped on his shoes and set off for the hospital, still full of questions he wanted answered. * * * * * * * * Arriving at the hospital, he was amazed at the size of it. He didn't really look at it before, he just dashed in. But it was surpisingly tall, maybe five or six stories, and almost the entire front of it was covered in glass. It produced enough light to illuminate the surrounding area slightly, enough to possibly read a book. Every other building around it was closed, so Yukio's imagination played with the idea of this being some holy artifact lighting a cursed neighborhood. "Watanabe," the man from the phone said in a monotone voice. He was standing right outside the doors to the hospital. "Follow me." The man looked rather normal, or maybe a little crazy. He was wearing almond khakis and a red and white tropical T-shirt. He had short, spikey hair that looked sort of a dull grey, and his looks were showing his age to be maybe 40 or 50. Yukio followed this man into the hospital, straight into the emergency room. He soon got very lost, as all of the corridors inside looked similar to each other and they turned into different corridors too often for Yukio's brain to remember. Up the stairs, through three corriders, into a large room, up some more stairs, through five corridors, and that was all he could remember; he didn't even remember when he turned left or right. Everything looked white and clean, straight from the floor to all the nurses he walked by. He came across a patient or two lying asleep in beds in the corriders, and each time he looked intently at them in hopes of a certain familiar face. All the staff at the hospital didn't question the way Yukio and this odd man seemingly wandered the place, as if they knew who this man was, treating him with respect. After some time they came to the angel's room. She was lying on her back with a hospital blanket pulled up to her chin with her wings hanging through a recently made hole in the bed. She lay there, sleeping quietly, almost peacefully. Pulling up his chair to a computer monitor, the odd man pulled up images of the X-rays. "Why aren't they using the traditional hand-held picture of an X-ray and putting it up to a white light? I've never seen this before..." Yukio's thoughts were slowly realizing that everything here was somewhat out of place. Everything from the staff's response to them to the way things were handled. "The angel's entire skeleton is built like a bird's. The bones are hollow, and we noticed something even odder than that. Her bones are filled with what appears to be hydrogen, explaining the light weight, and meaning that if she were caught on fire she'd explode. And something else interesting is her skin; there's something in her skin, some sort of organic matter we've never seen before. We're not sure what it does or if it was placed there surgically beforehand. Her eyes are built differently as well, and we're not sure of what that does as well. You've found something extraordinary, Watanabe." "If all she has is cuts and bruises, why is she unconscious?" Yukio asked. It's an odd thing to ask, but it had been bugging him for a while now. "We're not sure. We also don't know how she managed to escape the fall with only minor injuries." "So you mean all we've covered is 'She's lightweight' and 'We don't know.'" "Embarrassing, though correct. We don't know what she is, how she works, or where she came from." "...So why do you need me? It's not often you get called by the government for no reason." Yukio was beginning to feel like a smarty pants, but he didn't mind really. "My name is Yamada Fujita, I'm currently general of the army. Before you ask yet another question, the army's involved for reasons the public should not understand." "Actually, my question was gonna be 'Why do you need me here' again." Fujita appeared somewhat annoyed, though controlling it very well. "After we're done with our tests and experiments, she'll live with you." Yukio didn't like that for some reason. He wanted to find out more about the angel, but he didn't want to live with it. "Me? Live with a girl my age who's an angel? Doesn't that break some sort of law?" "You are now dismissed. The nurse outside the door will take you back to the entrance." After that, Yamada Fujita calmly left, leaving a very confused and angry Yukio to sort out everything himself. * * * * * * * * Kane woke up from his alarm clock. He was lying on the floor, and his head hurt a little bit. "...Who was that kid that Hoshi ran into...? I think I know him... Or for all I know, it's a her. Man, this stinks... Why does everything have to be so hard?" he said with a hint of a whine in his voice. "Hey mom! Can you make me some waffles?" he shouted out his door. Receiving no answer, he slowly got stepped out of his room and downstairs, only to found his mom asleep on the couch with the TV going. "Might as well go without breakfast then," he thought. "It's not like I can actually work, you know. I'll just get some girls at school to give me some of their lunch, they'll be happy to serve a fine male specimen like me anyway. I can't see why people hate school, it's wonderful there. You get free food, and you can meet girls there, too!" After combing his hair and brushing his teeth, he set off for school, bounce in his step and song on his head. "Kieru hikoukikumo... bokutachi wa miokutta... mabushikute nigeta... kuyashikute yubi wo... hana~suuu~~~..." (just so people know, that's among the world's greatest songs ^_~) Continuing like so until he got to school, he stopped like he did every other day in front of it, letting the silver gates of the school inform everything around that he was going to grace the school with his entrance. He then strutted onward, head held high, heading toward the red bricks of the school enjoying every moment that passed. * * * * * * * * Yukio was aroused from bed by the light from his window. He was beyond ticked off; it seemed like nothing was going the way he wanted it to, coupled by the fact that he'd have to live with a girl which no one knew anything about, meaning he'd be getting all sorts of questions from people, and, hoping with all his might that at least these people would leave him alone, the press. Going with his usual morning routine, including wondering about why even bothers to go to school, he trudgingly walked off as he did all the every school day. Up ahead, only ten or so feet away from him he saw Kane cross, and when Yukio saw him he stopped dead in his tracks. He was humming some song, one Yukio had never heard nor bothered to ever hear and hoped that Kane, in his bliss, wouldn't see him. Kane bounced all the way to school every time Yukio saw him. It sickened him; right now nearly everything sickened him. Making sure Kane was far ahead, he continued his dreaded path to the heck known as school. At one time, near the front gate of the school, Kane stopped moving all together. Yukio began sweating all over, worrying that Kane had heard him; the last thing he wanted right now was to have to talk with Casanova. After a brief pause, Kane continued onward with his head held high, with Yukio hoping he'd walk into a wall and get a bloody nose. Oh, how he wished school would just burn down with Kane in it... * * * * * * * * Akina awoke from her unruly slumber with the vague idea that something unbelievable happened, but she couldn't remember what. Her dad left a note on her floor saying, "Fall asleep on your bed next time! Falling on the floor makes too much noise!" Akina liked it when her dad said something that showed his love for her. "Awww, he's so car~i~ng!" Eating breakfast alone was not something she'd like to do again, but she enjoyed it nevertheless. She usually had her mom to talk to in the morning, but she was out doing work early today. She had little contact with anyone in her family recently, and she was looking toward Yukio to help. She knew he'd just blow her off, but getting blown off by a friend is better then not getting blown off by no one. After eating her candy for breakfast, she skipped out for school, breathing in the fresh spring air deep into her lungs. It felt good to be outside... Maybe she could play with Yukio after school today. Or she could arrange a big game of dodgeball or volleyball, maybe even capture the flag. Ah, it's so fun to be outside in spring! Making a mad dash for school, she arrived much earlier than most other students did. She spent her free time there climbing trees and running around for a few minutes before getting to her class. After sitting in her nearly empty class for a while, she saw Yukio look in. "There you are," he said. She loved how taciturn she knew Yukio was gonna be in a second. "Good morning! Isn't it nice out today?" "..." "Spring is so nice, don't you agree? "..." "So how come you were looking for me on this fine day~?" "Well, I was wondering if..." "If...? You don't need to be shy, I can help!" "Could you... teach me how to be nice?" * * * * * * * * I wasn't sure where to end it, but I think that this is long enough... I hope... I wanted to have better cliffhanger though... T.T But okay then, leave your thoughts! |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by overlordsero
on 2006-02-09 20:32:24
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You Know ^_^
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by
on 2006-02-09 23:08:35 (edited 2006-02-09 23:12:32)
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"Kieru hikoukikumo... bokutachi wa miokutta... mabushikute nigeta... kuyashikute yubi wo... hana~suuu~~~..." (just so people know, that's among the world's greatest songs ^_~)...wait i've seen this lyrics before...lemme guess....i could almost feel it coming...it's not coming out >.< *mp3 player plays next song* omg it's tori no shi by Lia from AIR o.O great chapter.her wing's filled with hydrogen O_O but the most shocking part is "Could you... teach me how to be nice?" omg another cliffhanger >.< the part about the angel being found at the tree reminds me of CLAMP'S manga WISH... |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2006-02-09 23:24:53 (edited 2006-02-09 23:25:37)
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...I've never even heard of Wish until now... Maybe I should make it so she doesn't fall around the tree, 'twould make it more original... But then again, it's not that important ^_~ BTW, It's Tori no Uta. I used to think it was Tori no Shi for a while, but then multiple things happened (including seeing the title on my coming CD), so I'm fairly sure it's Uta ^_^ Tori no Uta makes good sense, too, considering the anime it's from. Hee, I guess my cliffhanger was better than I thought it was >:-) Bwahahaha... It could be up to a week until you find out what happens next ^_^ *is feeling good right now* Thanks guys for your comments! |
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Re: Tenshizumi (Chappie 12~~)
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on 2006-02-09 23:41:05 |
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i'm not sure about it being 'tori no uta' or 'tori no shi' cause 'tori no uta means song of the bird and 'tori no shi' means poem of the bird :/.when i saw the difference in the kanji and romaji, i thought that it's just me. but hey,both has a pretty close translation but i guess tori no uta sounds better^^. you should read Wish.It's quite a nice manga^^ |