|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-21 21:49:09 |
|
@Basil: Whoa....Basil you showed me some good moves... it looks as if you are one of a military guys knowing some weak points of each weapon you bring... that's a cool intermezzo!^~^ @Mokona: Okay... I'll give it a shot...^~^ but it will be different a bit then my brother's. ----------------- (human and forgive) I came to a building with a funny swirling thing. this thing was painted in red, white, and blue... and is rotating like a candy in a baby's hand. when I get close to the door it suddenly opened and a woman greets me welcome while bowing a bit and letting her hand pointing a black seat with armchair. the woman is using a red shirt with a white apron I thought she was a cook but... seeing her black scissor and red comb I'm starting to figure out who she is.... So, I take a sit on a chair and see the mirror.... hmm I see a reflection of a girl with a long straight black hair with a long pony that almost closes her eyes sit on a black chair with an armchair... is that girl.... "Now, what kind of haircut do you wanted?" asked the woman from before while covering my white T-shirt with a green apron... then she plays with her scissor a bit while keep her smiles closes her sad feeling... she didn't really hid it well.... "Could you make this as short as my shoulder and cut my pony of?" hm... wonder why humans like hair... it is irritating for me... "Sure." she say.... so she begin to cut "my" hair some lump of hair falling down to the floor but i could see something else falling down... isn't that... tear? Oh... the woman sheds tear... she is crying... "Are you okay?" I say trying to cheer her up... if she did cry too long and accidentally cut my hair it would be a mess.... "No...I mean yes... I'm okay... it's just that..." oh... hm... she couldn't continues.... "Did I remembering you of anyone†I’m trying to hook her up… “Yes… my child… she must have been in your ages if only someone would have helped her… and today is one year after that accident….†She shed another tear while starts to cut my hair again… Ningen wa itsumo chigai no koto shimasu… (Humans always do something wrong) I could feel something… about bus… a sudden stop… a trench accident…. It looks like it is the memory of the girl… let’s look a bit deeper… The day was snowing… she (the woman’s daughter) had just get out from the bus with bloodshed on her hand and stomach. Many other passenger have the same condition, even some of them was died…. Then the bus driver, a guy with a beard and a wavy short black hair came to get the children near the street… Ningen wa itsumo tanin no koto wasureru (Humans always forget about anyone else) The girl cried when she finally realize what happened to the bus that should take her and her classmates to the nearest hotel for a rest. Now the bus starts to sprinkle fires and boom… a big blast happens… nobody was inside the bus now… nobody alive…. The girl and several survivors could only hopes for philanthropist to come but every passing by car was just driving faster as they see the survivor’s condition…. But then one man that driving truck suddenly arrived… he then takes every survivor to his truck and took them to the nearest hospital… ningen wa itsumo tanin o shimpai nai (human never cares about another) But as soon as they got to the hospital, they need to take care of the administration fee that makes them wait for their relatives to come…. For that long those children waits…. Until all of them wasted all of their blood………. ningen wa tanin no chigai koto wasurenai (human never forget the other’s mistake) Back at the barbershop, I’m almost finished… suddenly someone come in … he looks like the bus driver…. His hair now becomes long but still black the woman drops her scissor and head to the man with his hand changes into a fist… demo She then punches the guy and shed more tears… the guy fall and drops some lily flower…. Yes… the flower that has been becomes the woman’s child’s favorite… the guy also start to shed… ningen mo (human can also) She then cries a lot when she sees the flower. She tries to stop it but the tears sheds like a dam that was breached…. tanin ni (forgive) “I’m sorry…†said the guy… “That time the snow was so thick and then I saw a girl crossing the street. I tried to avoid it but it ends up like this….†He say while trying to stand up gomen o shimasu (each other) The woman could only hug the guy and shed more tear…. sore desukara… ningen ga….suki (that’s why I like human) So I get out the store and spread my wings again… leave one of my feathers to them. “Hey little girl… where are you….†They might forget about me… but they should never forget the lesson they got…. Mochiron o kane o agemashita yo!! (Of course I’ve paid it!!)^~^ 
 |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-21 22:27:15 (edited 2009-04-21 22:27:27)
|
|
KM: hahaaha that was so you ^^ I mean the way you wrote... anyway it couldn't hurt to detailing the situation of the fight in which will make the story not so fast paced ^^ Basil: thx for the comment ^^ I'm just trying to write in different manner that what I used too.. but seems it's much better that before ^^ your was good too ^^ but I think the part saying "screw that" should received exclamation mark to make it more strong... or do you intend that the guy was thinking and saying in flat tone?? Faiz: wow.... slice of life genre?? hehehe 
 |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-22 02:25:46 |
|
@lockey: Yeah, though I hate soap opera so I'm trying to get some action on my story... maybe you could see the one story with the most fighting and action here....
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-22 03:31:19 (edited 2009-04-22 03:34:58)
|
|
Basil: Very nice continuation! I like the way you detail everything and how it's turning out, even the number of seconds, the number of rounds fired, the bullets> and my favourite part was when he lowered it "10 degrees" and the whole distraction method! Your knowledge with guns is worrying, lol (not really) but it's really adding to the story! It's giving more character background i would say- and i like his humour ^^ if you really call it that. One thing though, it happened in a book i recently read as well- thing is, i would say not to "big-up" the special ops team too much, in the other book, the "Leader" sent his own special ops team to assasinate someone- and i guess the author wasn't really ready to deal with it all, and the way they were taken out was disappointing because they were meant to be so elite, but i like he way you have detailed teh action to make more sense, so your one is more aceptable ^^ Faiz: Oh! I'm finally getting the rythm of your stories! I like this one! They are short, and a bit random, but if you think about it as the angel is going around and well, sorting things out, then each story is so beautiful and has it's own background. "They might forget about me… but they should never forget the lesson they got…." very nice! And again very good use of japanese narration ^^ P.S: Dang, forgot to add: funny new avvy Basil! ^^   |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-22 10:17:10 (edited 2009-04-22 10:31:02)
|
|
@Faiz I am a gun enthusiast; the Guns and Ammo magazine is my own version of Playboy. Haha! Now, let's get into your story. I am... how can I say this? I really can't relate this... this strange spark in words. So, I could simplify things: I really enjoy your stories, which seem to explore the human condition - what elements add up and define what it is to be human. Well, that's what I call the human condition. @Lockey The deal with using a different approach in conveying a story is that it is difficult to be effective; sometimes it doesn't work because the story is not clearly conveyed by how it was written. You, on the other hand, did what I described above and it ended up being very effective! Making the story look like a newspaper article fits very well with your story, since it deals with a grim incident. I can't go on further, but I really feel your story was well written, clear and concise. Now, regarding my character (who is yet to be named), he isn't the rowdy type; he prefers to talk in a more calm, more subdued manner. He rarely growls, he never shouts. @Mokona I really had a hard time coming up with the details for the action scenes, but I'm quite relieved that mine went smoothly. Quite frankly, I never thought it would've worked in the long run. With seeing the results of my labor, I am quite fired up. Now, regarding the spec ops, I even gave them the ability to hit the character. In fact, after the firefight, the character would have taken almost 50 hits, and some would weaken him in his escape. I wouldn't be going through the escape in detail, though, as I am starting Chapter 01 in either Stuttgart or Napoli. Also, as I am still building my character's personality, I decided to throw in some dark humor. And I changed my av since people keep calling me "Bash". Try hovering your mouse pointer on it. >:D |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-22 14:21:50 (edited 2009-04-22 14:23:34)
|
|
Basil: Dude, The hovering thing doesn't work :P but i did notice the rounds hitting home on your character, dang!!! Did i not mention that in my last post? I'm so forgetful ==' rofl, "gave them the ability" to hit your character- dunno why that's so funny ^^ |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-22 17:31:22 |
|
@basil: Hehe... Basil is a Playboy to guns and ammo...^~^ and yeah as Mokona said... it didn't work... -~- what HTML did you use? And what's wrong with Bash? Whoo... dark Humor... somehow I'm sensing something funny in your next story! waiting for it!^~^
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-23 20:43:36 (edited 2009-04-24 01:57:47)
|
|
@basil ow so that it is about hahahah, I can't wait to see what happen next ^^ anyway here goes ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was late at night that I finished the article regarding Regret. But the office was still as bright as day, a phone call in every block, fax papers coming in and out, the copy machine going on nonstop, and last but not least the chief editor yelling all around like a broken speaker going haywire. The office used to this kind of situation. Well it used to being used until 9 PM only, but right now the clock had almost at 11 PM. Even the newspaper office like this only kept a minimum amount of workers for keeping their night to day news… This time all of the employee going to take extra time… The sound of the phones, keyboards bashed with fingers, papers coming out from copy machines, people yelled hurrying one another, all of that was like a tune in my brain, a drug to keep me writing. But when the writing is done, all of that is nothing more than nuisance. “It’s time..†I get up from the not-so-comfort armchair, gather up the papers, and am ready to hand the article to the chief. But before that there is one thing left to do, tidy myself. I wore white shirt that was smooth like a maiden skin this morning, but now it was as smooth as granny’s. Nothing could be done about the shirt. So I just tightened my tie a little and walk out to meet the chief. My office is like a daycare center. Never at least empty except when it was close or during night shift… well that was then, but now the workers are more diligent than bees. The building has a rectangular shape, 30mx18m. The entrance faces north, and once you enter the building it spreads horizontally. The first floor consists of all printing machinery, while the second floor is the office. There’s a staircase in the left back corners that lead to the second and third floor. The second floor is where the ruckus is all about and also where my office is. Well if you called 1 chair, 2 table, and one computer and separators is an office. Anyway the place is really a mess all the time. All tables were line up in the middle facing each others. While empty space in the rear are fill with copy machines, fax machines, and some other tied up material resources. On the other side of the staircase there a single shelf filled with award achieved by this company. On the far side from the staircase, the other corner, there is a seclude room, that’s where the head chiefs reside. A small room, with glass separators, a chair and table, and shelves against the wall. That is where I’m heading. I knock the door and enter after being please “Here’s your article†I put the paper on the table then he pick it up, looking at it with utterly silent as he read. This place is almost sound proof. The sound of copying machine, phone, or fax and even people voice is like in distant. I looked around the room. I’ve been here many time but still curious about it. Something here is different, it’s like the room filled with secret. Well it might be true since all articles must came here first to be judge whether it was good enough to be print or not. Behind the chief editor there were photo frames, the same photos since I was employed. When is it that I asked about the photos? I think it was the second time I came here. I was so nervous that I tried striking a conversation with him. He look at me a second then told me that it was his family photos and some other colleagues. Nothing much has change in this room, the shelves are behind him, and the table is in front of him, he put the table facing the stair, it which I don’t know the reason. Maybe so that he can see who is going and left. “This is alright†The chief startle me from my observation; I look at him and grin “You can go home now, it’s already late†I bow a little and make my way to the door, when I open the door…… “I’m very sorry about what had happened…..†I turn around and look at the chief; he already turned his chair and put his back facing me. I stop for a second and said “thank you†and left the building.
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-23 21:17:55 |
|
@lockey: Nice one....! I like the way you explore the situation! T~T making me like watching a movie or something! anyway you are using slice of life to eh?^~^ Waiting for the next post!
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-23 21:21:23 |
|
@ All: Oh, the thing Basil-kun speaks of is probably the subtext. if you use Firefox, than the subtext doesent appear when you mouse over it. In this case it says: "Yes, I'm Basil, and yes, I'm a herb!" @ Basil: Huwa.. That piece of writing does a fine job of givings us more of a insight of the workings of the Main's mind. For me, I usually do my pieces through third-person for the sake of the reader having an unbiased view towards the other characters, or that I dont want to focus too much on a single character, or rather, I'm just a bit Lazy? It's really great you put a good amount of detail even though I'd assume the span of time that's passed is less than 10, even 2 minutes. Certainly does its job as an intermezzo. Sadly, I'm not all that well versed in weapons as most others. But that's my own fault... ^^' @ Faiz: The grammatical errors where a bit more numerous, thankfully the last half of the piece tied everything together. I'm wondering if the good feeling in my head is from waking up or the lingering feeling after finishing that story. ^-^ Hopefully, the events will tie in soon. The premise of the story is still a little vague. @ Key: Some grammatical errors, but a majority of them arent too important. You whent into really good detail with the workplace. Much more than I usually do, this introduction cuts off to where I await the next part to come out. >_<   |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-23 21:48:19 |
|
@faiz hehe thanks... I like a bit emotional. @ugo after I re-read it, I found that I have neglected much "s" and bits hehehe. I've edited the story.. do you spot anything else?? I be glad if you could pin-point my mistakes, it would be great for studying thank for the comment^^
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-24 00:35:27 (edited 2009-04-24 00:35:55)
|
|
@ Key: Okays. Well, Ugo will try to spot out as much as possible. Please dont think that my corrections mean to say that you're dumb! ^^' This is actually pretty good practice for me too. I have standardized testing coming up in a week or so. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Grammar Edit -_-" Ugh.... I dont think I even gone through half. I got to sleep now, but I'll continue later. There where more things that I corrected aside from what's listed in 'Errors'. There's the original text, and my edited version right under it. I could only explain what I thought where the major mistakes/what I could explain. If you want me to explain the smaller things Ugo'll try to answer. ...I just earned new-found respect for English teachers who have to grade papers. |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-24 01:04:47 (edited 2009-04-24 21:13:40)
|
|
@ugo ahhh that's help a lot ^^ many thanks!!!!!! I'll start re-write it. don't bother with small issue... i don't mind being told what is wrong and what is right ^^ I have edited my post and change to present...^^ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How long has it…? Ah 1… 2… 4 months have passed. Well it’s quite long hasn’t it? This town hasn’t change very much. Same old usual societies, some neglect the things happen around them, some just worried, some vocals about what happen, and some just… just… well leave it at that. Hey now look at you still stiff like that, doesn’t change much from the last time I visit. I even thought that I would never visit you again, but here I am in front of you. Seeing you like this, I don’t know what to say anymore. It’s just like de-javu, the sky was grey and then started to shed some tears, I’m running to find a shelter and it was your house. A ramen shop, your place was so seclude that I never realize it was there before though the road I use is the usual road. While I wait I was thinking why I never realized that it was there before. Then you came out. Do you remember? We stare at each other for quite some time. I don’t know what you were thinking, but I guess both of our minds just go blank. Then you pleased me in, serve me a drink and lent me a towel. I was grateful back then, really was… Ah… the rain starts to fall now, just like then. I really like the rain you know. Part of it because it was the first time I seen you and the other was the rain can covered up ones tears while still expressing the feeling. Do you like the rain too? Haha how could you answer? You’re not here anymore, nothing. You just left and leave no trace. And why I’m here anyway. Standing here, in front of a stone with many names carved in it. But yet yours is in it… Your name is there… I see it clearly like there was no other but just you… I think this is the last time I see you… I’ll be going… See you soon… That night one man vanishes from the face of the earth. None was concern. One compare to billion was nothing. And that nothing is all that it is… --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-24 19:05:54 |
|
@Lockey: Gawhs.... I'm a bit hate sad things... but yours are great... *sheds tears*.... there are still some grammar misspell though ^~^(note I'm also always doing mistake right? Just telling....) Ugo may be the best on this kind of thing.... but uh... could I try it to?(sometimes to make yourself better we need to do a real practice right?^~^) The "How long is it" wasn't really good I guess... maybe use has it because you are going to talk something that happens in past right until now... right? While the "like there were no other but just you" should be 'like there was no other but just you' because... well nothing was not plural right? else than that I guess your story was really great, but is this the continuation of the last time? So, is this "corpse" a woman or man? just want to know^~^ @Ugo: Your explanation just like my teacher's....T~T are you by somehow a literature college student? Guess I could learn a lot from you^-^
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-24 20:57:31 (edited 2009-04-24 20:57:51)
|
|
@Faiz ah I see I'm going to change it ^^ hehehe that's not a corpse... it was stated in "You’re not here anymore, nothing. You just left and leave no trace. And why I’m here anyway. Standing here, in front of a stone with many names carved in it this mean it's a memorial monument of the something had happen. while the word "nothing" express that no body (literary) was found so you can conclude this is the first or third accident. while about the gender of the one talking it was stated in the end of the story That night one man vanishes from the face of the earth. None was concern. One compare to billion was nothing. And that nothing is all that it is… but still that not answering to the question you ask ^^ but as you see the line take place this is something that lovers would say. no blood relation are clear from the story so whether this is (sorry for my word) gay or straight isn't clear yet ^^ I leave that to the readers until I state clearly after this hehehehehehehehe
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-24 21:03:20 |
|
@Lockey: Oh... sorry....-__-... Meanie! hehe... no... okay then, I'll wait and see your next post^__^V
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-25 07:56:28 |
|
Lockey: Nice one(s)- really good reads! I especially like your second story- it's quite mysterious and has a nice feel to it... Ugo: thanks for telling! I'm using Internet Explorer... and your right- dang it doesn't work on Firefox either, but Basil's using G-C ^^ Basil: Ah ha! so that's what it says ^^ Bash isn't that bad a name :P lol- your a herb?? ==' Mokona learns new things everyday.. (except Mondays and Sundays...) |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-26 06:32:45 (edited 2009-04-26 06:41:12)
|
|
All- Vector Crisis is now on the way I am posting the remake version of Vector Crisis it is not fish as of now I am having a slight problem but that is minor... It will be interesting now Grammar problems may be found, sorry for that... The year is 2010, the Philippine government suffered from a crucial political distress which led to public disobedience of the people, some of them joined the rebel groups some formed their own groups to dethrone the government, these action gave the government to choice but to strike back, thus the dreaded civil war begun, the war caused thousands of deaths and wounded millions most of them are innocent people. As the government forces are getting weaker, the rebels thought that their victory is at hand, but those hope were shattered when the government used and opted their top-secret weaponry Armslaves called Freelance, these Armslaves turned the tide of battle and the government won. Rebels declared a truce in which the government accepted it, but the effects of war was catastrophic, major infrastructures were destroyed, rivers flow blood, bodies were scattered everywhere and the whole Philippines were in ruins. The people who survived coped the event and moved on But the question still linger in their minds “Does the war really ended?†The answer to that question is still unclear even until now… *-*-* On the ruins of the 1st District Municipality of Pasig, a girl was running with folders on her arms and tucked on her chest “Of all the time why now??†She immediately hides on a wall fragment, panting heavily, it did not take long she heard loud voices “We must find the girl, our commander wanted those †“Sir, I think we should separate so that we could find the girl easily†“Alright, the three of you take the left, the other four take the right, and the rest follow me!†“I must protect the folders from them The girl is referring to the rebels; they are called Renegade Liberal Party- Freedom Alliance, they are known for their merciless acts in the Cities of Quezon, Makati and Pasig, the rebels started their area search and at the same time the girl was able to regain some stamina “I must leave immediately or else…†The girl peeked on the wall carefully waiting for an opportunity to move as she found one, the girl left her location immediately, but she was sighted ‘Target sighted, target sighted†“OH NO’ “We must get those folders, it must be undamaged!†The chase started the rebels nearer to the girl fired their weaponry, with the help of the debris around the place the girl dodge it all, After the long run, the girl was shocked and stopped in her tracks as she took a wrong turn seeing a scarred wall blocking her way “Dead end? “ The girl turned around, the rebels are close to her, same on her left and right sides, and she was trapped, she moved backwards as the rebels surrounded her “Enough of your silly games, girl†“Surrender those files, and we will spare your life “ “After what you did!? Never!†Unexpectedly, from the girl’s left side, one rebel attacked her using its M-16 rifle butt on her head, she fell to her knees, it grabbed her neck and lifted her up “Give it or you will suffer†“I will NEVER surrender it you, useless maggots!!!†The rebel was offended; it took a survival knife from his belt and stabbed it at the girl’s upper abdomen, she screamed as the pain struck her she even screamed even more as the rebel took it out, immediately the rebel throw her to the wall and flinched in pain, the girl lost her focus, then the group beaten her up badly, they seemed did not care how young she is, the pain was building in her body but she did not loose the grip on the folders, it made her hold it even more tighter in her arms, now the girl is dead weak and bleeding, she was lying on the ground, she cannot move due to the pain she is now experiencing, one rebel came closer and aimed its weapon to her “If I need to die to protect these, then so be it…†The girl hold the folders at her maximum grip, she closed her eyes, waiting for her untimely death, suddenly a mysterious object was thrown from nowhere “What the –“ Automatically the object exploded it was a grenade, the blast wounded almost ten rebels, it diverted their attention and fear somewhat builds up in their consciousness “What the heck is that?†“Someone threw a grenade at us†“From where?†“I don't know sir†From an unknown direction, an echo was heard “Oh my, oh my…. Is that the proper way to take care of a young girl?†“Who are you? Show yourself!†“â€Who—“ Silence was heard and then a figure jumped out from the wall and attacked from above using a M- 9 and managed hit five rebels, the figure landed behind them and faced them, he is a soldier like person wearing cloak with a high level collar that covers half of his face, but the rebels were surprised as they saw his eyes, it was cold, very cold as an ice that can took the heat away “Leave this place, or else…†“Over your dead rotting corpse†“You gave me no other choice†The rebels fired their weaponry, but the figure evaded it and countered them using his weaponry, a dual P-35 “He is darn fast!!!’ “Fire at will!!†The figure was hard to hit, it seemed he knew their next move, on the other side of the battle field, the helpless girl was still lying on the floor, although her vision was blurry, she managed to observe the battle “Using his speed and calculated time of execution, he can evade and attack effortlessly at the same time†The figure took only ten minutes to defeat them, all of them “Weird ones I’d say…†The figure walked nearer to the wall, seeing the girl from the distance, he stopped and aimed one of his P-35 to the girl, the girl stretched her right arm, she tried to plead but she couldn't say a single word afterwards she passes out *-*-* The girl’s eyes fluttered as she wakes up, she noticed the white coloring of the room and looked at her left hand and noticed the dextrose and a Blood transfusion I.V. on it “Oh you are awake now†The girl looked on her right; a girl about a five to seven years older than her was standing on the door, she is wearing a white school blouse, white long skirt and nurse’s cap, holding a tray with food and an envelope, she walked closer to the girl “How do you feel?†“Weak but alright†“I see…†The older girl placed the tray on the rolling table she also took a chair as she moved it closer to the girl’s bed, placed the chair beside to the bed and sat “You know we thought you will gonna die, your wounds are not that deep but the bleeding made us worry, but it turns out that you are recovering’ “Thank you and I appreciate for the effort†“Before I forgot what is your name?†“My name? Ahh…I am Ana†“Claire, it nice to meet you†“Ana you are very lucky that you survived’ “Maybe just maybe†Ana remembered the cloaked figure, she saw earlier “Claire, by any chance do you know a soldier who is wearing a high collared cloak?†“Huh? Oh you mean him; we call him “Infiltrator†because of this tactical usage of weaponry and explosives†‘Infiltrator… Sounds terrifying†“Yeah, but he always made things nice†Claire stood up, looking her wristwatch and sighed “I am sorry Ana, I must leave now the people are needing my assistance†“It’s alright Claire, I understand†The girl nodded and went to the door but she stopped “The folders that you were holding are inside of the envelope†“Folders…? Oh thank you The older girl completely left the room, Ana reached the table and took the envelope, she remembered the task entrusted to her “Inside these folders are the information that must not exist†“Information? What information?†“Information that can divide families, that can cause destroy diplomatic friendships and can cause uncontrolled chaos, but if these information are used for the sake of humanity, it can protect and unite the nations and create ideas of everlasting peace†She opened the envelope, took out the folders and scanned it “I know this task is hard for you but I know you can do it†“What task is it?†“You must keep them and do not let the any leftists groups let their unlawful hands have these, but if possible, if you can find a person that can use these for the sake of humanity, give it †“But why keeping them to me and of all the people… Why me?†“I know they are safe in here but ‘what if’ events happen like they raided this place and took these and I could not let it happen… I chose you because you are the youngest of all the people in here, I am old and I don't have good reflexes as you are†“For how long?†“Even it will take an eternity†“An eternity?†“I am very sorry Ana but please understand†After she scanned the folders, she slid it back to the envelope and thought to herself “How long is eternity and how I could find a person that can manipulate this information for the sake of peace?†“So you are awake now†The girl looked at the door; the soldier who fought the RLP earlier was standing, she placed the folders beside her “Infiltrator? Is that you?†“Yes, and it is I you brought you here†“I am fine right now, thank you for the concern†“I am deeply apologize for what I had done earlier†“No, it's alright I understand the reason†“I see… now the important thing is that you survived†“Yes, I agree with you, by the way Infiltrator where is this place?†The soldier went to the window and removed the blinds, the sunlight was blinding the girl, Ana moved her hand to cover her eyes, she cannot focus but she noticed the silhouette of the buildings and the people interacting outside “This is…†“You are right; this is the 3rd District Municipality of Pasig†“It is still in ruins, but the people was coping†"May I ask why are you being followed by those rebels?" The girl was silent, she can’t speak about the incidents happen, but she saw the soldier sighed and looked at her "I would not force you if you don't like it" The soldier peeked at his wristwatch and sighed "I must take my leave now; I have things that needed my presence" "Infiltrator..." The soldier was halted looked at the girl "Thank you again for saving me" The soldier nodded and left the room, as the door clicked she looked at the window "Ruins… Ruins of survival...." Ana looked away, she took hold on the rolling table and made it closer to her and ate the food that was given to her, it took a while she ate eat up everything, she was relieved that her hunger was satisfied but she isn't fully recovered rest, she felt weakening, she closed her eyes and drifted to sleep *-*-* The next day Claire just finished pulling off the I.V.'s on Ana's left hand "You are recovering quickly after those wounds it is a miracle" "Yeah... I taught also that I would die by that time..." "But you will be under observation though, we must be sure that you are 100% fine†"I understand. How long did I sleep?†“Let me see... Since the time you were brought here, you haven’t gained your consciousness next day, which means two days you are asleep†“Oh… Claire if you don't mind can I have a stroll for a while?" "In your state no but with assistance yes" The nurse went out after a few minutes she returned with a wheelchair she smiled and carefully assisting the girl to transfer to the wheelchair, but before they went out Ana took the folder and hold it between her arms, then a doctor saw this and called her "Claire... What are you doing?! She is still under observation" "But asked for it, it was a simple request that I can’t argue with" The nurse resumed her walking and smiled at hem "Do not worry, I will not do any rascal move anyway" As they went out of the Medical Center they saw a group of armed men sitting on the plies of unused metal pipes and listening to the one in front of them, seeing this Ana gripped her hold tightly, the figure noticed it and with one command the armed men moved out, then the figure turned around, it was Infiltrator, the soldier walked closer to them "So any protocol adjustment?" "Not really, just a normal assessment of tasks and some other stuff, by the way according to the scouts there are supply trucks coming towards here maybe those are the things that the Center needs" "I see, we will just have a stroll want to accompany us? "Sure, I don't mind I don't have anything in mind today" The trio started to stroll on the place and Ana saw their pitiful situation, the houses are made of scrapped materials, the pavement was shattered, some people were homeless, wounded citizens “How pitiful…†“We managed to gathered here and made a community, most of us came from different places, at first we had fight each other to gain resources until such time a small governance was made by the original residencies and afterwards we started to gain our sense of humanity and sanity†“Such time was crucial but we manage to recover by helping each other and that is the only thing that we can do now†Not far from them a group of children was playing with a small ball, but one of them throw the ball too strong that the girl who should catch it was not able to do it, the ball passed on her and rolled on the ground, Claire and Infiltrator paused a while so that the ball will bump and stop on the wheelchair, Ana took it and played it for awhile, then the young girl came closer to her and pleaded “Uhmm… Please can you give me the ball? That is the only thing that can make us happy and the only treasure I had†“I will but promise that you will take care of it†“I promise and I will take care of it†Ana passed the ball, the girl thanked her and she returned to her playmates and resumed their activity “They are trying to be happy amidst of the tragedy†“Children lost their family, family lost their children, lovers separated, soldiers and rebels who lost everything, each people as its own story to tell†“The last resort of humanity, the three districts of Pasig City†The trio resumed their stroll after a long while Ana saw a battered and quarter blown two storey house, with her strength she stood and went inside of it without any hesitation, Claire wanted to stop her but the soldier hold her arm “It was her own decision and if you even tried to stop her probably she would not listen†Inside Ana looked around the house and saw the dramatic transformation of it, it was once a house full of decoration and an environment that was full of emotions, but a sudden flash back caught her guard down. She remembered her painful and bloody experience that she hoped that never came true, she heard gunshots and cries of some people that made her knees weak, she tried to get hold of herself but she could feel the pain as if it was happened hours ago, she was starting to have hallucinations that she thought was real, blood tainted on the floor on the walls, corpses on the ground, she started to gasp for air badly like she is having a hard time to breath, her eyes grew as she saw a group of black colored figures starting to walk closer to her, she plead to spare her life and started to crawl backwards until her back touches the wall, her fear was starting to build in her mind, as the group surrounded her and trying to grab her, she screamed with all of her strength, releasing all of her fear and afterwards she feel more weaker and collapses on her place *-*-* Ana’s vision was fuzzy, as she woke up, she realize that she is not in the Medical Center, she immediate rose up from her position, she found herself on a abandoned looking house, as she turned around, she was sitting on a improvised floor with beddings and with some lights, she stood up and looked around she found set of folders on a table, she realized that folders that she must protect, she immediately rushed to it and scanned everything but she failed after a few minutes “No… Those folders’ “Those information are from the Defense Department of the government†Ana looked at her right, Infiltrator was standing on a door, holding her envelope, he walked on a table that’s nearer to him, placed the envelope and walked closer to her “Now you know now that I am a government file keeper’ “It’s alright, all revelations in here are kept only in here†Ana was torn if she could trust the boy or not, only matters is the task entrusted to her “Why are you here? Why the RLP is trailing you? And why you are such in sorrow?’ “The day after this task was given to me, my father’s workplace was attacked, he was killed by the rebels while he is trying to escape with me†The boy was silently listening to the girl “The rebels started this senseless war, they are the ones must be eradicated, they could not understand everything that the government wants, they are the ones must die all of them!!†The boy was listening to the girl clearly ‘My mission is to find a person that can use those information to protect the people, and never give it to them like---“ “Me, if I am right?’ The girl was surprised about what she had heard “It is true right?†I know you observed the battle days ago and concluded that I am a rebel, reality speaking I am a rebel, a former one. After the government won the war, I left my rebel group and assumed that I am dead because I wanted to start a new life and the morale for the continuation of what we are fighting for was disappeared, from that day on I journeyed around the whole Greater Manila Area to find a suitable place to live, until I came in this place, it is still in ruins but the people are striving but it is not easy to cope†The boy walked closer to one table with folders the one that Ana was standing “At first the people has still grudge against my kind because I am a rebel, they keep ignoring or worst rejected me, but I accepted that, but they did not know that I am doing†The boy left the table and walked further away to the girl “That I am guarding them, using my ability and specialty to protect the three District Municipalities of Pasig City, it took time before they accepted me, with the help of the former soldiers and rebels living in this place we managed to protect and maintain peace and order of this place†Ana was very silent when she heard those words “Now my duty will be tougher due to you and those files, but it is all worth it anyway†Then he heard silent sobs, she looked at Ana, crying her body was trembling not in fear but in shame and guilt “I am sorry… I am very sorry†She knelled down, embracing herself tightly “I judge you and your being, I was born in a world closed in understanding, I don’t know what’s happening to this place, to the people, I saw only personal pleasures, not knowing the pain of other people… I thought that all rebels will forever against peace and hate the government, but I was wrong, those words you said to me, it shows that not all of them will never ever change like you; you used your status to protect the survivors and maintain the order of this place… I am sorry… I am so sorry†Infiltrator walked closer to the girl, he knelled down and put his hand on her shoulder “Don’t cry Ana, don’t cry†But the girl did not listen, she cried at the rebel’s chest ‘I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry!!!†The rebel embraced Ana, trying to ease the girl’s guilt “It’s alright, Ana, it’s not your intention, please do not hurt yourself†“I am sorry…. I am sorry†The girl embraced the boy; the tone of her voice is low, it sank because of guilt “I lost everything what I had and nowhere to go, I don’t want to be alone, I need someone who really understands me, someone that can help me, someone that I could call a friend†“Don’t worry Ana, I am here and everybody will be her always, do not cry anymore†Eventually the girl was comforted and slept on the boy’s hands, but the boy did not left immediately “Ana, I guardian named Cyrac, I will be your friend forever†After this incident the two got closer to each other, they shared their emotions, their sorrow and their happiness, but it did not long when the people learned that Ana was a file keeper the people was confused what to do, but with the help of Claire, Cyrac’s comrades and the people who trusted her, the people was relieved and they fully accepted her, as the days passed they saw no signs of problems which led the people to work hard and bring hope to each other and coped easily when the conflicts arises until the time Ana and Cyrac confessed to each other and it was witnessed by the people the place because of this the people became motivated to do their best in their lives forgetting the past and working for their future but it was interrupted as the RLP invaded the 3rd District, the Pasig Defenders –as they called themselves- positioned and retaliated and a battle started, a battle that they never thought that will happen, bullets few from different sides, gunshots echoed on the silent scene, blood was stained on the scarred ground, later on they realized that their real motive is not to cause havoc but to kidnap Ana, some of them moved to defend Ana and Cyrac’s outpost but they were overwhelmed and it took a while for them to fulfill their mission they left the place with heavy damage, the Pasig Defenders were rushed to the Medical Center for treatment, after five hours they were discharged. Cyrac returned to his outpost standing and sighed as he saw the damage around him “I know that you are still in shock, Cyrac†“Yeah, I never thought that this would really happen and they kidnapped her†Cyrac clenched his right fist as he remembered it; it was painful for his part “I believe that there is a concrete reason of their assault†“Thank you for your words, any civilians harmed?†“Ten of them, wounded no deaths, they are still on the Medical Center†“My expertise are not enough†“Relax kid; Ana is important to our community especially to you, take a rest I believe that you and your intellect mind can save her†“Thank you everyone, I will try my best, right now try to gather up, make the people calm from this situation and try to fortify our defenses†The former rebel left his comrades and went to his house as he tries to calm himself. On the other side, Camp Crame now RLP’s main camp, Ana was held captive, she been kept in a dark room she was blindfolded her arms were tied at her back, suddenly the door opened four rebels came inside and took her by force, after a few minutes they went inside of a larger room, the rebels throw her to the floor and removed the blindfold, Ana was blinded a bit as the light passes her eyes, a rebel came closer to her and Ana managed to gain focus by the moment the rebel stopped in front of her, it was the leader of the RLP “Ana Dela Cinto, the daughter of the Project Freelance director†“It is you; you are the one who killed my father!†“He resisted, so he must die†“I don’t have those files right now, but still I won’t give it to you†“Hehe, you don’t know eh? We managed to acquire the Control Room and the Hangar, so those files were now useless†“Impossible! The Control Room and the Hangar has fifteen security passwords to pass through and only selected officials knows it†The rebel grin, he lifted his index finger then four rebels at the back moved forward one of them is forcedly pulling a girl, weakening and exhausted, Ana was shocked, she knew the girl “Karen!†The rebel pulled Karen hard which the girl fell on the floor beside her, she immediately hold her “Karen! Karen! Please speak to me, Karen!†“Ana…†“What did you do to her?!†“Nothing, just interrogate her to spill the information we need and we were playing with her†“How cruel are you! She is too young suffer like that!†The rebel leader ordered his minions to tie the two girls and lock them on a prison cell. On that same time at the other hand Cyrac was assessing the possible assault plan “Wait a minute... No, it is impossible even we use the other route†He sighed and left his room, thinking about the data he had “Camp Crame is a military camp. RLP can use all the equipments inside; no one will give up that place easily without a fight†Three folders fell as he accidentally bumped on a table, not far from his room “Ahh—“ Cyrac picked it up and assessed it “These are the folders that Ana wanted to protect†He scanned and he noticed three black, slim envelop he opened them and surprised what he saw “Ah… This is… No… It can’t be…†Cyrac rushed back to his room with the new files he gained and started t evaluate it thoroughly, on the other side, Claire was looking at the window of her house “Cyrac…†“You are very worried about him†“Yes, he is my friend, since we accepted him in our community, it can’t be helped but he always put his life in danger, but now it is different†“Give him that object, the object that you kept for a long time†“But it can cause another senseless war†“I know but it was created to protect the people, not to cause harm but the assurance of protection and order, Cyrac used his expertise as a rebel to gather allies, protect our territory and maintain the order, if you trust him everything will be alright†“Alright… I will†It is 11 pages as of now ... and growing...  --> |
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-26 07:42:29 |
|
@KM nice one but um... how should I say.. I'm really bother with the stabbing scene at the first part. the nice point of view of stabbing was in eden of east anime. Stabbing in movies are somewhat not to realistic. 1 single stab in abdomen (upper in your story) may prove fatal. Since (the best explanation was in davinci code) since digestive acid may breach the wound. but I don't now in your case since it was upper abdomen. anyway due to the first stab and beating one may prove blood lost and die in the process. And then come the grenade.. I don't know about how far the grenade from the girl but surely the execution troops in middle of tormenting wasn't far away from the victims. then as the girl woke up... that scene was rather odd.. the girl forget about the folder. The folder that she would put her life on... and she forgot about it... it's just kinda weird... ( not completely forgotten but still must be remind first, no??) well I just got to that scene ^^ I'll be going to read it more since it is long ^^
|
|
Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link |
by
on 2009-04-26 18:24:05 |
|
@Lockey- thanks for that well no excuses here that was on my head on that time Let me adjust that... I just somehow like to screw much becasue I am not sure on the words i should use and some terms that i wanted to write well I will continue later on... I have a deadline to rush --> |