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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
 SkyAlchemist
on 2006-04-23 19:37:41 |
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Come on, Babylon is not happy. I mean write something that gives hope and illusion and whatever positive thing you can come up with.     |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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Look, I can't help it. I'm an existentialist. I see pain and injustice masked by society and write about what I see. Babylon may not be the best example, but Prom Night is like bloody Doctor Suese compared to my other work... |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-04-23 19:44:33 |
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And that's a good thing. Your writings are quiet good actually. I'm not telling you to change your style, I'm telling you to test your writting ability by trying something new. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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I wrote a satrical song about nuclear weapons when Bush was going to declare war on North Korea. Does that count? I'll post it if you say yes. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-04-23 19:54:19 |
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Post it and then I can say if it counts or not. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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-Atomic Heart Meltdown My personal genocide, my red button retreat My number is 265, radiate moral defeat. Old soviet silos and dirty suitcase bombs, A one man Chernobly an Island three miles long Missles form Norht Korea, We drop the bomb It's nuclear winter, society is gone! I love atom bombs, they put the fear of God in me. I love atom bombs, now at night I'm glowing green I love atom bombs, a self fufilling prophecy I love atom bombs and we wiped out humanity. They say the kids got poisoned, 'fore they died The government had reasons, but never explained why. UN bitches we shouldn't have'em any more Then the reactor blew in the plant next door. I love atom bombs, the bane of society I love atom bombs, the government's ignoring me I love atom bombs a self fufilling prophecy I love atom boms so we wipe dout humanity. (pause) I love atom bombs, they put the fear of god in me. I love atom bombs, now at night I'm glowing green. I love atom bombs a self fuffilling prophecy. I love atom bombs and we wiped out HUMANITY! |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-04-23 20:20:11 (edited 2006-04-23 20:21:42)
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Let me give you an example of what I mean: -Friendship You have to look for it, but not with your eyes, You have to buy it, but not with money, You have to keep it safe, but from yourself, If you ever find it, consider yourself lucky And, if it's worth it, never let it go. See the difference between yours and mine (besides the quality)? Edit: Atomic heart meltdown is really good. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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Here's two for ye. And Babylon 3 will be up later tonight. Alone I've got a dead end job, I've got a comrade. I've got a past I want to forget. I've got a friend she calls me a con man though I haven't fooled her yet. I've got a problem, it's a head packed with lies And I've used 'em all I bet. But she knows I have nowhere else to go And she knows how I love her so. And she knows how I want to stay her friend and never stand alone again. -My Escape I had a dream the other night while I was wide awake. I need to get the hell out, Can't you be my escape? I think the real world's slowly closing in I want to have that dream again. It was a chance for me to see you With me by your side and you my get away. I'll try to dream again tonight however long it takes To see you in my dreams and have you help me escape. What'd ye reckon? |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-04-30 19:06:42 |
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Well, they are good (My Escape is better than Alone) and they are not as dark as the previous ones. You have just proved that you are indeed a good writter. (Only if you actually wrote them). *Waits for Babylon 3* |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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-Hitchhiking to Babylon I awoke to the smell of the sea. The driver and highway were gone. Left all alone an old dock the sea foam and the gulls who cried their mid-morning song. Along limped a beggar, a stragally stranger all wrinkled and weathered with age. And the look in his eyes seemed far away and yet wise as he stared at the heart of the sun. "The burn heals the pain caused by memories of the rain and the girl with no name I'm cursed to love and disdain for the perfection of her eyes brillinat blue." Spoke he, staring right past me looking to where sea touched the sky. I looked at the beggar and thought aloud "Why hold on to memories that cause pain?" He stared with those eyes saying "I'll tell you why it's proof I was ever alive." "I'll tell you my friend" he spoke once again "That I once searched for Babylon and all of the knowlede and wealth that I found were worht nought when my dreams ran aground. I waiot by the sea at brilliant daylight and wait for the time my dreams will return to me and I set my mind to rights." I turned away back ont the road of my fate and the beggar just stood with his head in the air. I was nearly gone when he said to hold on and asked: "Can ye spare a brother some change?" And though I hate doubling up on Bablyon, I can't double post... -The News What do you call it when you feel like a part of you has died? Why don't I feel happy anymore? This dicontentment tears me apart inside Yet, no tears nor laughter come. I fell rather cold, a hallow clentching in my chest This pain is worse than trivial andI fell I must forget What is this feeling? Like time has slowly struck away my good fortune left my own heart dead with my own dismay Dreams are swiftly shattered hopes give wat to doubt. And all the time I wonder how I'm going to live without seeing you. Knowing your around Hopeing you would stand by me when my life comes falling down. But you have to live your own life unburdened and free. So to show how much I love you, I'll bear this misery. Any commetns are good comments. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-05-09 20:34:14 |
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The News has some sort of sad mod in it. It's nice although coming from you it sounds weird. Don't take it as offense, it's just that you don't seem like the type of guy who shows their feelings. Now, I have to ask: Does this in anyway have something to do with HER? In case your wondering why I ask, I think you should know that you are starting to sound as if you cared less. I am going to plagarize it. I could so repeat the last lines to him |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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I don't mind you plagarizing my work Sky, you're my best critic. Actually, The News is about her. I wrote it after I got off the phone with her the other day. She told me she got accepted to a cullinary school in Vermont and would be moving up there after a year. The poem tries to reflect the fact that although I'm pleased she is pursuing that which makes her happy, my own feelings are affected in ways I don't understand. And in case you were wondering, I never display emotions around my friends. I keep them all to myself, sometimes I write about them, but I never show them. That would be a burden. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by YoYotheCananbalisticOreo
on 2006-05-09 22:58:35
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here is something i wrote after 2 years of not. please tell me what you think its about! Crazy Salmon Floppin’ like a fish and flippin’ like a twit, Why do you flounder when you see your reflection, Skewed ever so slightly in the surface? Aiming to the stars quick Yet hugging the earthen base, You glow golden bright like an alien in spacious night And in the dark depths of sea’s hidden face. Sometimes you are caught drowning in air But you, dare I say, bite annoyingly yet with grace Wiggling free, thinking with little care, “Silly humans, I won’t be another bag of fish, just dare!†Rarely do you blend in with any other Despite being just as light as most, Assimilation is far from complete when you’re the majority. You’re better mixed with others along the coast. Almost on queue, you disrupt serenity With your sudden reintroduction. Yet, all is well since you’re the crazy salmon.
I could give no less because I could give no more. ~myself
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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Umm... I'm not so sure what the hell that means but I liked it... Here are a few from me, non-emo. Tell us what you think... -To Late (To Abort) 19...18...17 Help me. Help me to fight back Help me figure out my identity. It's the revolution that thing that gives me validity. Living life is hard when you only live to resist. I hope my rebelion labels me an anarchist. I want to prove that I'm alive to write off what I feel inside. You add fuel tomy drive and make me resist so I know I'm alive 4...3...2 I am some ...1. (Untitled) I can't be classified, so now I am the enemy. I have no doubt, I'm hated by society. What's reall overrated is our worship of conformity. I'll try to stand out and you'll try to label me. -Unwell Quater past three I'm alone in my room. Walls padded thick like a rubber lined tomb. I think I'm loosing my mind All this has happened to soon. They say "How do you feel?" I say "I'm not in the mood." Been four years since they locked me away for my own good. At least that's what they say. I know something is wrong, I know I'm not OK, In my padded cell, I'm slowly wasting away. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-05-12 20:06:24 |
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To YoYo: Let me guess, is it about trying to stay free? (crazy guess, I know) To Doctor: About showing your feelings, it's fine if you don't after all, you express yourself through your writtings. To late to abort was good, nice touch with the numbers. Especially loved the ending. I did not like the untitled one. Somethings missing... As for Unwell, dear boy, I felt that way a few months ago! |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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Not surprising. The untitled one came from the margin of some old sociology notes I was throwing out. Here's an old song from my band... (Ifound my old notebook so expect a lot of stuff from me...) -The Checklist Odds are up to 3 to 1, nobody's left on my side. I've done all the damage I could've done now I just try to pass time. Mainstream socitey turned it's back on me Counter-cultures warm embrace threatens to consume me. Spike the punch with cyannide make the wires cross. A hunger for genocide, society's at a loss. Of all my friends I'm the one that never fit in. In the back of the room, checklist of the deadly sins. I won't live to long, but I've accepted things this way. The real world shut the door so now I live dangerously. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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by
SkyAlchemist
on 2006-05-12 20:21:48 |
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This isn't the first time you mention your band, what kind of music do you play? Anyway, on with the topic, Doc, you have better material. The Checklist seems like a bunch of random ideas put together to make only one. Well at least that's what it seems to me. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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We were a punk band. Seventeen songs in fifteen minutes or your money back. I'm moving into writing Ska and Emo songs to... but punk holds a special place in my heart. Alright, Checklist was a loser huh? How about some more traditional Doctor? -(Don't Expect Me To) Wait Forever What were the words you said to me? When you said goodbye I contained the jealosy and you witheld the lie. Now our world is ending stars rain from the sky Now you're free sostop pretending Leave me alone to die. Time rubbed salt into wounds I'mthe one that ends up screwed. You said you loved me but you don't know why. Insencere, the tear that falls from your eye. Your heart bleeds your want to be together In your eyes so blue But don't expect me to wait forever for you. You were the on to turn away put an end to it all. I'm the one who said to stay, you didn't even stall. Now you tell me your were wrong in your last midnight call. As I put the words to song It's you who'll take the fall. You still laugh with your friends then tear up to suit your own ends. And I'm the fool that nearly brought you back into my life! You shed tears as my heart withers But don't expect me to wait forever. Stand close to me, keep me warm give me hope and I'll adore you teach me to feel alive so when you're gone our hearts both die. Time rubbed salt into wounds I'm the one who ends up screwed. You said you love me but you don't know why Insencere the tear that falls from your eye. We cry for thing to change yet we know they'll never. Please don't expect me to wait forever. |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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Hmmmmmmmmmmm i'll try to put this....(so dont give stoopid comments) So the world knew a tragic fate We were draining the deadly sea And the scenes were indeed too sad Only prayers were taking lead The Acid Rain is burning Right into your eyes Again your dreams may loose the glow Allow the sorrow of your thougths to meet sunrise And shall the hopefull words Bring love inside your heart  |
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Re: Post-A-Poem
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Does that mean you don't want any comments? Because not to accept criticism is folly... I thought it was good... |