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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-19 17:53:09 |
| If you chose to end your life by commiting suicide, you can do this but there's always a 50/50 chance that you can change your life by believing in yourself! |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by AnimeAngel27
on 2005-12-19 18:04:25
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That sounds like you Sero. Even though we may be miles apart I feel like I'm sitting right next to you having a good old chat like we're friend from grade school or something. Ryoko yes there's always changing your life and believe me I've tried. I've seeked out help, I'm better now then I was before, and I know somewhere in here is explains why I'm the way I am, and I don't use my past as an excuse but when you don't sleep because your seeing someone you thought you could trust in dreams rip your world apart and your waking up in cold sweats every other night it becomes hard not to become a little down. But I keep as positive an attitude as I can and I try to work with my friend who is falling deeper into depression herself. I busy myself with school and sports and stuff to keep my mind off of it and from looking at me or seeing me at school you'd probably never know when I hurt, but the pain is there, I just try to ignore it and get on with life. I have my ups and my downs some days I'm really happy, today isn't one of those days though, especially when other's keep pulling me down. But when I do feel at my worst I come on here and I look at some of the posts and I think about Rin, Ranger and Ketsuki and I can find strength in these people. I admire them and at the same time I try to help push them along too. I feel specially close to ketsuki, we didn't start off as what you'd call close or anything but now I'd like to think that we've come to terms with our differences and are pushing each other forward maybe? Well at least ketsuki pushes me forward I don't know if I help him at all though... As for believing in myself, it's hard when you've been told over a million times (and still to this day are told) that you'll never be good enough, that you should give up trying and that you're worthless by someone you used to admire. But that person is gone now from my life thankfully and even when they were here I tried to ignore them. Self confidence is not an easy thing to just acquire, but I will try because now Ryoko I can add you to the list of ppl that have inspired me! Thanks so much!
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film..." "Friends are the people who know everything about you and still put up with you!" "Nothing in life is free, even death costs us."
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-19 18:10:40 |
| Yeah...AnimeAngel27! I agree with you 100% |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-19 18:11:31 |
| Aww..I am glad that I helped you! *hugs* |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by overlordsero
on 2005-12-19 19:02:38 (edited 2005-12-19 19:04:06)
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Question for AnimeAngel27: "As for believing in myself, it's hard when you've been told over a million times (and still to this day are told) that you'll never be good enough, that you should give up trying and that you're worthless by someone you used to admire." Did that person REALLY, TRUELY, ABSOLUTELY know the REAL you? I hope I can be added to that list in the future as well ^_^ 
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-19 19:14:57 |
| Yeah...I usually don't take people's comment! |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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awww, i feel special now. you have helped me, and im glad that i have helped. i really dont know what to say, im just happy that you consider me close. i too think that we are close.  |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by AnimeAngel27
on 2005-12-19 19:27:20
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Yea I got hugged by Ryoko!!! Welp that day is today Sero, as of now my list looks a lil something like this, Rin, Ranger, Ketsuki, Ryoko and Sero (in no specific order) You've all helped more then you know! As for your question, I'm not sure if they knew the real me, I'm not so sure I know the real me anymore, it's hard to say who I really am underneath it all... most likely they did, because they're the part of my past that I have to face up to, then again maybe they didn't. It's one of those things I'll never really know because I'll never see him again... Ryoko: Thanks for the hug *hugs Ryoko back* Ketsuki: Good I'm glad you consider me close too!! It makes me so happy to hear you say that! *smiles* This is why I come to gendou when I'm feeling down because someone always finds a way to make the pain go away, you guys are GREAT!! I love you all! Now I can go on with the rest of my day not being so sad n e more...!Thanks again guys!
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film..." "Friends are the people who know everything about you and still put up with you!" "Nothing in life is free, even death costs us."
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-19 19:33:29 |
| Aww...you're so sweet, AnimeAngel27! *hugs back* I hope your life could be better from my advice! |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by overlordsero
on 2005-12-19 19:35:57 (edited 2005-12-20 08:56:52)
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Now to AnimeAngel27: Good, as I thought, they did not know the real you. If you do not know who you are, they definately dont. And dont fret, you'll find yourself someday ^_^ (Im still looking sorta...lol) Now remember this: If someone does that to you and makes you feel bad, just think of this. WHAT THEY SAY DOSENT MEAN JACK  .since they dont know you, the REAL you, then thier word is meaningless. Tanx for adding me....I feel so special now...hehehe ^_^
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-19 19:37:31 |
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To Sero- Yeah...that was important! Glad to see that you could help AnimeAngel27, too! |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-20 06:29:15 (edited 2005-12-20 10:18:16)
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Sero, if your going to swear please use proper grammar. "WHAT THEY SAY MEANS JACK " Properly it should be, "What they say doesn't mean jack.  Angel said, "As for believing in myself, it's hard when you've been told over a million times (and still to this day are told) that you'll never be good enough, that you should give up trying and that you're worthless by someone you used to admire." Ranger's brother Mark says the same thing as did his father. I'll give you an example. I have a fair amount of artwork, it hangs all over the house. This is not what you buy at the store and most are limited editions, there's even a bronze in the front yard. About five years ago Mark came out here to visit at the same time this painting I bought on a whim wile on vacation was delivered. "Cinderella's Grand Arrival" by Peter Ellenshaw is a piece limited to 500 with 200 of them being proofs therefore having a much lower value. The one we have is #171/500. The lower the number the higher the value. This was an expensive piece, $1800US with a frame, and Disney art is the mainstay of my collection like the tinkerbells in the hiliday thread. When Mark heard the price he says we were ripped off, paid too much, that the painting is to too nice to hang in our home and what do we know about art anyway (he has a friend who is a wonderful painter therefore that makes him an expert)despite the fact I have a degree in Art and Art history. As you can see it is listed as extremelty rare and we can't even find one for sale much less a value on the piece. The point here is Mark has done this for years. I used to admire him a lot only his attitudes towards his older brother is that Ranger is an idiot child and I'm his babysitter and he expects us to believe that. That we have knowledge of the finer things in life; art, theater is irrelevant. Ranger has failed to meet his father and brothers expectations despite the fact he has two degrees and is the top rated person in his profession here. I have heard him say "Rin isn't good enough for you" I'm supposed to be a tall sexy good looking blonde with huge boobs instead of a short brunette. You have no idea how much I heard that and I'll tell you that it use to upset me greatly when Mark talked like that about us. He also talks that way about our children saying Ky should be in jail every time he has a problem. We have learned to ignore what Mark says and not to fight over it, still he and Ranger fight quite often when Mark says something like that and unlike his life outside the house at Ranger has a hair trigger when talking to his family. You are not good enough for________________. Insert a long list. that is not and never has been true. *angry now thinking about Mark* Does that make any sense to you, I'm not sure it does to me either. Oh well, I'll leave it. uncorrected  |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by overlordsero
on 2005-12-20 08:48:28
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im sorry i got carried sorry ^_^ ill change it now ^_^
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by
on 2005-12-20 10:34:38 |
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No don't change it and it's all right to get carried away on this thread, that's why I created it. We all have problems and people in our lives that in general make life miserable. Ranger has his brother and I have mine and while they may have our best interests at hear, I can't think that about Harry, they have a strange way of doing it. Any of you with siblings know that. You should also know your siblings don't change as they get older. Siblings. Howe many do you have and which one is the biggest headache? Ranger oldest to youngest. Victoria - I love her, she's like a sister to me. An attorney, she lives near the ocean in central California. Ranger Jeanne-Leigh lives in the SF bay area and is a professional artist. Mark, The thorn in our side mostly. He is a West LA lawyer. Wendy (adopted sister)Owns a kennel in the upper desert. Jane - I don't know much abotu Jane except that she has a severe mental health problem. Harry - I'm not even going to sayu anything about him. :( Myself Gwen - My rediscoverd sister who came to visit last summer. There is a lot of love for her. |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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on 2005-12-20 11:06:44 |
| Hmm...your loved ones can still be loving to you, so there's a less chance of commting suicide! |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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| I'm not afraid to die but committing a suicide is a sin! |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by AnimeAngel27
on 2005-12-20 19:02:18
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I have two younger brothers, myself being the oldest in the family so I try to look out for them. There's Myself Josh- he's thirteen and has ADD, but I love the kid and I try to protect him without getting in the way(then again I fear I'll never be able to protect him when I can't even help myself) I just wish he stays pure, that's my greatest wish for him, that and that he can find a girl who will care for him as much as his family(mainly Me) does. Lastly is Matthew- he's 9 now and a little pistol. It seems he hates being the youngest and takes it out on us, but I try my best to get along because I fear for him sometimes as well. He brings back the memories of my own childhood, he's as vivacious and energetic, as I used to be, and it scares me sometimes because that's what got me into my mess in the first place was the thinking that the world is harmless and nothing stands in my way. Although I think he's beginning to tone it down, I still worry for him greatly. But I can completely understand what you're saying Rin. I'm not quite an adult yet and I don't personally have those kind of problems with siblings but there are others in my family who do look at me and glare at me with disgust (It's one of the main reasons I hate family gatherings) All the little kids are scared of me because their parents tell them to stay away as if I'm diseased or something, the older one's have their own opinions of me and none are to keen to talk to me either. Sometimes I think my parents are embarrassed to be near me at these things and it seems everytime I walk in or out of the room an intense silence fills the air(you know the one that follows when people were just talking about you, or were going to and it's usually nothing good?!). The elders in my family all speak in hushed voices while I stand right there listening, saying how they all thought at one point I had such potential and that my parents should've shipped me off to boarding school a long time ago... It's never very pleasent but I usually end up shutting myself in a room and occupying myself with other things, anime included. I think family wise I've come to ignore things like that a lot easier. But the person I had spoke of... he wasn't family...he was someone a little more special to me... When I got to middle school he was a young teacher, very young, just out of college I think. He was my english teacher and I absolutely adored him. I'd stay after school all the time just to help out with whatever and he'd always work with my writing. He helped me to become and aspiring writer and he'd always said that I had talent and lots of potential. He used to push me all the way, entering my works into all sorts of local as well as national contests. I never won anything but he said that I always came close and that he was always so proud of me just for entering. I had been the happiest person then... it went on for about half a year like this before we started meeting outside of school. Most of time it was to discuss english related topics. Then one time he told me I wasn't like most girls, I was a lot more mature then the girls in even the grades above me. I took it, at the time, that he had meant my writing of course and I was happy. But it seemed that in one night things changed drastically, we met in his class room late one friday evening when just about everyone had gone and things got bad from there... things become a little blurry after that because my conscious tries to shut it out because of the mental trauma and fatality it's caused me (well at least that's what the shrinks all say), but it doesn't completely erase what happened from my memories. I know what happened and I will have to live with it for years. But his torture didn't stop after that night... I quit going to see him because I had been completely distroyed but it seemed as if he wasn't finished tearing my world to shreds, as if physical pain wasn't enough he had to inflict verbal wounds as well... So In front of the class every day it seemed he would make snide comments about how much potential I had, had at one point and how disappointed he'd been and how I screwed up and that I'd never be good enough that I can never accomplish anything. He told me everyday that to the world I'd always be just another student swept away in my own stupidity, but to him I'd always be a total and complete failure, on he'd wish he never had the displeasure of knowing(things along those lines) He had been a teacher, a mentor and... at one point I had even called him.... a friend... I had actually thought of him as a friend... to this day his harsh words, like adding acid to an open wound, still ring through my head... so I can completely understand those feelings Rin and they're not fun and this is what I wish to protect my brothers from, this is the pain that they shouldn't have to feel. So I will try my hardest and continue to try to keep them pure and let them know that no matter what anyone else says I still believe in them and they can be whatever they want to be... I want to keep the dreams of young innocense alive as long as I possibly can... and I want to ease other's pain as much as I can as well... I'm ranting again and should prolly stop, sorry... but btw I thought that painting was absolutely gorgeous, I'm no artist, I have no degree's or anything but I love to draw and write and watch the sunset (I just wish I was better at drawing because I could draw the stars and the beauty that lies with in these sunsets that I love to sit and watch) but that painting was beautiful, and if Mark says anything tell him that Angel says he's wrong, he just can't enjoy the beauty and the emotions displayed in such a painting... he's just jealous!! (tehehehe ^_^) Thanks again Rin, your story really helped a lot. *Hugs to all*
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film..." "Friends are the people who know everything about you and still put up with you!" "Nothing in life is free, even death costs us."
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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This dimwit of a teacher sounds pretty insane to me. I sure would like to kick his ass. He said your a failure? Let me just say your wrighting is completely solid and passes your point across perfectly. It always makes a person look stupid when they insult something that is the opposite of what it is. Like how people would insult some of the most famous art pieces, and then when it becomes a famous historical work. How do those people look? Like idiots. AnimeAngel, I am routing for you. You are the idol of this thread.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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by AnimeAngel27
on 2005-12-20 19:45:49
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Thank you so much jomunga that means a lot to me! But don't cut yourself so short, your an idol too!! And I'll route for you as well jomunga in anything and everything you do!
"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have any film..." "Friends are the people who know everything about you and still put up with you!" "Nothing in life is free, even death costs us."
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Re: Life vs Suicide
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Thx. I don't usually cut myself short though, I usually am up too high on my high horse. Jomunga eats your avatars. |