Back | Reverse | Quick Reply | Post Reply |

Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by Doomlight on 2010-01-21 08:03:23
hey toyumi can you link me to it?

Also heres more of my story.

@Mokana this is after the events that happened but i've yet to post that story lol. its here right beside me but ill post it when its ready xD.

"Nooooooo" yelled Michael

As the sword almost reached his stomach, at the same exact time someone hit Michael's head hard with a book.

"Ungghh..." said Michael sheepishly,
"WAKE UP" yelled the female teacher into Michael's ear.
"AHHHHHH" yelled Michael as he fell off his chair

Everybody started laughing. But Michael just layed down on the ground confused. Kori on the other hand grabbed Michael's hand and pulled Michael up.

"Thanks" said Michael,
"No Problem, just remember that your not alone in this" worried Kori,
"Um...I'm not sure about what you said but ok",

Just then the both of them looked behind to see that the teacher Toko-Sensei was standing there.

"Kori and Michael can you guys stay behind after class"
"Yes Toko-Sensei" Replied Kari,
"zzzzzzzz" slept Michael

Toko-Sensei smacked Michael's head hard waking Michael up.

"YES MA'M" yelled Michael jumping up.

As Michael went to sit down, Kari started to recite something which was directed towards him. Michael suddenly felt a huge energy burst going thru his body.

"Wow thanks I owe you one" whispered Michael,

Kori blushed while Michael stared at her. It would seem like a special moment. As they moved closer to each other, all the students were attempting to concentrate on studying but instead were watching them. Toko-Sensei couldn't help but peek over as well to see if they would kiss or not. But out of nowhere a huge explosion went off breaking the windows and knocking down some of the students.

"Everybody Alright?" yelled Toko-Sensei
"I think so" replied one of the students,

Just then the radio went bluring off with screaming and yelling.

"What the hell is that thing" yelled a student on the radio,
"Its A Damn Scarab" yelled one of the engineering members,
"ALL UNITS REPORT TO ENGINEERING BUILDING CODE 4" yelled dispatch
"This Is Delta 3-1 on scene...holy s*** thats big",
"ALL UNITS FIRE" yelled one of the Captains.

In the distance you can hear a heavy chain of gunfire along with explosions and the clash of metal.

"No Good Sir" radioed Delta 3-1,
"All Units Fall Back" radioed Operator,
"Negative Base, We're Going to assist in Evacuating civilians"
"Roger That, Emergency Units are on the way"

Kori and Michael were already running with there equipment in hand. As they reached the outside they decided to use ESWAT units and hope to take it down.

---------End Of Part------------

~Doomlight

http://i34.tinypic.com/33pad0k.jpg

Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-01-21 12:21:58
@ Doomlight- sure i could link you to it... but do you want both of them or just "Blank" or just the first chapter of "The Silent One"?


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-01-21 14:01:56
Doomlight: good going again! ^^ I have the same problem with having the work, but not posting it up...


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by Doomlight on 2010-01-21 14:50:56
@Toyumi: Well the one i don't have up there. When i have that one ill edit the title name as well. :D

@Mokona: *highfives* Im actually behind on my second story since i'm being dumb not to post it up lol

~Doomlight

http://i34.tinypic.com/33pad0k.jpg

Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-01-21 15:06:11
*hi5* Lool- no worries Toyumi, take your time!

Anyways, have a boring poetry school trip tomorrow ^^'
We'll see how that goes : )


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-01-22 20:14:01
@Doomlight: very good!!! I wanna see more^^

@mokona:lol, tell us when it's done^^


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by Matsuna on 2010-01-29 12:51:25
Hello. It's been a while since I've joined in this club and haven't written any stories yet.

Here's my story I've written so far. This is mostly about my time in Japan. Thank you to Tilly who helped and checked it. By the way, I haven't thought of a title nor the characters.


It's been about 4 years since I've begun learning Japanese. I got interested in learning it because I like to speak this language to my paternal family.

I've been travelling around places such as Europe and Malaysia, but I never thought that Japan was a fascinating country.
My first thought when I went to Japan was 'Wow! Japan's nothing like UK or Malaysia! Everything is completely different, people are friendly, but the language looks complicated to learn'.

Mum called, 'Yuka, it's time to go to the airport!' But Yuka ignored her mother as she finished her packing.


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by Doomlight on 2010-02-01 15:29:04
@Anime19 Thats a nice start. :D

Heres My A Short Story I Made.

I looked up into the dark sky to see the stars in the night sky glimmering down towards me. As I looked around, I saw the formation of enemy soldiers advancing towards me at least 500 to 600 ft away. While in the other direction was my troops, trying to evacuate everybody before the enemy could arrive. I pulled myself up and stared at them. Any other person would have run for their lives, yet for me, it felt like it was the right thing to do. Sacrificing one’s self for the sake of others gives them another chance for a better future. My friends knew that and I knew that too. The people who live here deserve another chance to change their lives and I hold that key. ‘With great power comes great responsibility’ said a teacher to me once. This power to make a difference in millions of people’s lives comes to what happens in these next few hours. Outnumbered and little hope, there is a chance we won’t make it. I realized that when I gave the option for my troops the option to leave with the civilians. It was a hard choice to make when you really think about it. The option to save yourself so that you can go back and see your family or to save someone else so that they may go on to live another day without having the fear of being killed. For me, I wanted to make a difference in people’s lives hence why I joined the military and became an enlisted officer. That’s probably what most of the troops thought too. The first person to volunteer to stay with me was my second in command, Nao. She is a great friend and a great comrade to me while in the military. You can also say that I’m also in love with her yet I haven’t gotten a chance to tell her that yet. Then after Nao, everybody else followed suit. Even the injured men wanted to stay behind as well to fight them off. In total out of the 500 men and women under my command all of them volunteered to stay. We even got troops from the US 101st Airborne Unit and the 100 men from the U.N. Peacekeeper Unit, bringing the total number of combat troops to 650. With no armour to support us and the nearest air support is 5 hours away on the U.N. Spacey. I knew not everybody is going to make it out alive. Just then I felt a knock on my head. It was Nao bringing me some hot chocolate. I took one of the cups out of her hands to allow her to attempt to sit down.

“You know, when I look at the advancing army. You get that feeling that you’re doing it for the good of those people who are boarding those transport planes and helicopters right now.” I said out loud,

Nao looked at me worried yet the current situation that they were about to face was grim,

“Well, you’re making a difference no matter how little or how big it may seem. We all volunteered for this because we all wanted to give them another chance. We won’t abandon them to die by the rebels. Sure, the casualties are going to be high and there is no guarantee that we’ll even make it back. But I want you to remember that were here with you till the very end. No matter where you are or how far you are, were there with you every step of the way” said Nao in an inspirational way,

“Thanks, I needed that”,

“No Problem, now let’s get ready for this defence.”

I finished my hot chocolate and stood up leaving the mug on the ground. But just before Nao was about to stand and walk away, I pulled out a box and Nao looked at the box then looked at me.

‘It’s now or never’ I thought.

I pressed the radio on to allow the troops to listen since they knew that this was going to happen eventually. Nearby troops turned off their radio and stared towards them. The 101st Airborne Units understood as well and watched. It was all silence as the whole camp turned towards to them. Even the pilots listened in as well.

“Nao, we’ve been thru a lot these past few years and we’ve been great friends ever since we first met. To tell you the truth and I know this is sudden and all and I’ve really never had the time to say this. Nao. I love you.”

Nao looked at me with her blue eyes and started to cry.

“I love you too, you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that” replied Nao in tears.

“I know...and I’m sorry for the long wait. I also have one more thing to say and I know this is sudden but I think it’s the only time I have”,

I went down on my knee and brought out a black box. I opened the box to reveal an engagement ring.

“Nao, Will you marry me?” I asked,

Everybody was silent. Nobody moved and the air was still. Nao was red like a tomato but I knew she was embarrassed. Her hand went on top of my head and started rubbing my hair.

“I Do, Silly” Replied Nao.

I took the ring out of the box and slid the ring onto her finger. It fit perfectly. All around you can hear the troopers yelling in joy and a thunderous noise of clapping thru out the whole camp. This was me and Nao’s moment. But as the clapping started to calm down, reality started to settle in. Most of the troops were at the phones calling their families, friends and love ones knowing that this could be their last. I grabbed my helmet and so did Nao. Together they started walking towards the evacuation staging area with the troops available. When we reached the staging area all the civilians stopped what they’re doing before boarding the choppers. They turned around to face us wondering what we were about to do. I stepped forward and waited a moment.

“SALUTE” I ordered in a loud voice.

All the troops saluted to the civilians. I never knew why I wanted to do this but I knew it was the right thing to do. I believe that it shows a sign of respect and courage to do what we are doing here. We’re facing against a rebel army that is over 3,000 in strength accompanied with armoured units. As all the hands went down, Nao started yelling orders at the troops. We turned to the left and marched back towards our camp and defence line. We’ll protect these civilians with our lives or we die trying.

Back at camp, the troops started running towards their positions and prepared for the attack to begin. Nao stayed with me the entire time while I was making sure everything was going according to plan. The plan was to weaken the enemy enough with our artillery and mortar teams then do a pre-emptive strike on them to win the battle. All of us are expecting high casualties during this battle.

I went down to one of the trenches and pulled up my rifle. Nao did the same as well. The first artillery shell left one of the cannons behind them then till all of them kept firing. The shells soared thru the air then landing on the enemy troops sending to a state of panic. Those that didn’t go into a panic reorganized and started firing upon our line. Everybody in my trench kept their heads down while I stared at the troops firing. I gripped my rifle even harder before yelling out an order.

“FIRE” I yelled,

“FIRE AT WILL” yelled Nao,

“OPEN FIRE” yelled one of the officers,

“LETS KICK SOME ASS” yelled one of the Marines.

All of the troops poked their heads up and returned fire against the enemy unit. I pulled up my rifle and started firing as well in the hopes of suppression. The mortars started to fire now harassing the rebel army. Anti-Tank teams came out of hiding and fired missiles at the armoured vehicles hitting their targets. The remainder of the armoured units fired at us with tremendous amount of pressure against us. You hear the screams of men dying as they get hit by tank shells or heavy machine guns from the vehicles. One person beside me got hit hard and went down. A medic came over and started to treat him but as the trooper lost a lot of blood, the guy died a few minutes later due to blood lost. Then another guy went down, and then another, then another till we lost about 100 men in that volley of fire. My line was disorganized and short of troops since it was the most heavily hit line. Most of the troops lay on the bottom of the trench or were being treated by medics for serious injuries. I took the most daring risk of this firefight even those it’s only been 1 hour in and their volley of fire has yet to cease. I pulled out my smoke grenade and threw it towards the enemy’s line. Then I pulled out my knife and attached it to my rifle.

“FIX BAYONETS” I yelled at the troops,

I looked around to find everybody putting their bayonets on the barrels of their guns. Even Nao decided to put it on as well.

“WE DON’T LIVE FOREVER, CHARGE” I yelled again,

“CHARGE” yelled the troops,

I started to climb out of the trench and started running towards the enemy at full speed. Behind me the artillery started to fire smoke rounds to cover our charge. As the smoke shells landed in front of us, I went thru the smoke with the hope of saving lives. When I was the first one thru the smoke, I came under heavy fire but I still continued forward. Nao, who was just behind me, became the target of one of the snipers. I saw the red laser target her so I took a chance and jumped in front of the laser. As I jumped, Nao watched as I jumped in front of her wondering what the hell I’m doing. I knew I was going to save her. It seemed like time slowed down as I was in mid-air. I saw a muzzle flash from the direction of the sniper. I closed my eyes and the bullet penetrated thru my Kevlar and hitting my chest. Then time started to go back at its regular pace. I hit the ground hard and I rolled myself to lie on my back. The darkness started to close in on me, but I smiled knowing that I saved Nao, the person that I love. I turned my head towards Nao to see her running towards me. She started to yell something and a few more men came. But the rest of the troops continued to advance. I blacked out.

Aftermath.

I thought I died yet, I know I didn’t. I woke up a few days in an army hospital with Nao by my side crying. They all thought I went into a coma. I asked what happened with the evacuation, she said it was successful and we successfully routed and disbanded the rebel force. I was happy that we did all of that with that amount of troops but Nao’s face was sadden. In total we lost 300 troopers and 200 more are wounded. When more than half of your troopers died for this cause, you would feel sad. I patted Nao on the shoulder.

“They fought for a great cause. We saved thousands if not millions of lives because of what we did. Sure it wasn’t pretty but we did it. I think the dead marines are happy that we did something that changed those lives and gave them another chance to live” I said without thinking it thru,
Nao had a smile on her face and hugged me hard but I felt the pain jolting thru my body. It seemed like my ribs are broken. Oh well, it’s totally worth the hug.

A week later, a monument was built with all the names of the marines who participated and died in the defence of the evacuation. I called it Operation Hope. Some marines called it Operation Saving Lives but it was too long to put on the monument. So we just called it Operation Hope. The wind blew as we saluted at the marines and troopers who sacrificed their lives for the sake of others. I stood side by side with Nao. It was a beautiful day today.

-The End-

P.S. I forgot to mention. A month later, Nao and I got married. It was the best moment ever. We even got cake.

http://i34.tinypic.com/33pad0k.jpg

Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by ryvl on 2010-02-02 12:35:04
I want to join this group, I will post a short story later when I feel like it, but for now I will read.


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-02 15:33:54 (edited 2010-02-02 15:35:05)
Hey guys, I saw that we had an official banner but no avatar... So I hope it's alright with you, but I took it upon myself to make one!!! Doomlihgt, I can change anything you would like me too but here it is!!

Photobucket

The link: http://i286.photobucket.com/albums/ll110/Peach_Twilight/Sigs%20and%20Avies/WritersGuild.png

Feel free to use it!


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by Doomlight on 2010-02-02 18:36:18
:D Yayyyyy an avatar :D

Thanks Rinnie i'll add it to the main page when i can :D

~Doomlight

Also voyeur i'll add you as well when i do the avatar as well so...Accepted :D

http://i34.tinypic.com/33pad0k.jpg

Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-02 19:14:01
You're welcome!!!

Here is the Second chapter of the vampire story I posted when I first joined. Sorry it took me so long!! NOTE: they lyrics belong to Disturbed.



Chapter Two

I can see inside you, the sickness is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
(Will you give in to me?)
It seems that all that was good has died
And is decaying in me
(Will you give in to me?)


That night I woke with a start. The angle that had been sleeping so peacefully at my side had sat bolt upright. Her head had hit the top of the coffin sending her back down into the silken depths. A look of horror spread across her face her hands quickly fumbled for the latch. She pressed her palms against the silk and pushed the coffin open. I prayed with every shred of my being that it was already dark out, it would be a damn disappointment if vampire hunters were actually lethal.

She ran out into the hallway and I jumped out after her. Paul was already up, but he was an extremely early riser. She had ran so fast that I could not see her. I had, in my 200 years in the blood, lost track of her! How could it be? She was but a night into the blood and she could already run so fast! I stopped in the hall when i about ran straight into Paul.

“Where did she go?” I asked desperately.

“Into the parlor, I believe she is hiding under the piano.” he replied, watching in amusement as I tore down the hallway and jumped down the grand stairway leading to the mansion’s entrance hall.

She was indeed hiding under the piano like a child. Why? I don’t think I could tell you. If she had really wanted to get away from me why hadn’t she run out into the night? I sighed in relief when I entered the parlor, crawling under the Piano to join her I took her hand into mine.

“Mi Amour!” I exclaimed in my native tong, “What is the matter.”

“I betrayed them,” she mumbled through a great sob, “My blood family, I betrayed them because of my own selfish desires.” Great red blood tears were falling from the corners of her eyes. I was rather taken aback by her words, her own selfish desire? Did that mean she actually felt for me? It must, because of the why she acted last night. If she really have feelings then why couldn’t she indulge in them?

“Love you would never have lived a life had you stayed a mortal.” I said suddenly, but the words I spoke were true. The gorgeous woman in front of me would have married that man she didn’t love. I wish she could realize that she was free of them now, they couldn’t harm her if she didn’t want them to, but I figured it would take longer for her to appreciate her new strengths.

“What do you mean, I have no life now, you took it from me.” she retorted without removing her hand from mine. In fact she just squeezed it harder.

“I gave you immortality, dear, you are free from any obligations that might have caused you pain.”

“Pain? I have gone and betrayed the rich blood of my family.” She argued with me still but yet she clung to me with an odd desperation, “I have gone and disowned myself!”

“That won’t change if you struggle against what is now your fate, and it also won’t change if you put an end to your life. No matter what you do you will be cast out of your family.”

“Being dead would be better than having nowhere to go.”

I took her into my arms and held her, allowing the blood tears to soak my white shirt.

“You do have a place to go,” I say, “You have me and Paul, we’re your family now.”

She looked up at me with wet eyes and just stared. Her head rested against my chest, for a moment I tried to see into her, I wanted to know her feelings. She seemed so confused and I could only imagine how much conflict was going on inside her pretty little head. She was taken by me one moment and pitted against me the next. How would I ever be able to calm the storm of guilt and pain that she was feeling? Perhaps I never could, but I would try with every shred of my being to keep her with me.

“Perhaps I should meet Paul if I’m going to be a part of his family.” she whispered in a defeated tone of voice.

“Thats my girl.” I smiled and put my hand in her hair. We crawled out from the piano I took he hand and lead her through the large mansion. Paul was sitting in the Library reading, or rather looking at picture since he didn’t know how to read. His pale skin was off set by light brown hair. He had pleasant features, a perfect nose that ran perfectly between two brown eyes. His lips where full and pinked he was not a large man but he was muscled as a teenaged boy might be. He was about nineteen when I took him into the blood. I had found him on a farm not to far from the mansion I had bought. He was the son of a poor farmer and his sisters had been struck with the fever when I had found him.

He stood when we entered the room, bowed to Vittoria and kissed the back of her hand. He smiled sweetly at her.

“Hello Vittoria, it is a pleasure to finally meet you.”

She smiled back and curtsied.

“It is very lovely to meet you too Paul.” I could sense the tension building in the room. Paul and Vittoria had nothing in common. Paul was somewhat afraid of her and she of Paul. A vampire and a vampire hunter should naturally be pitted against one another, but here they stood treading each other as friends might.

“Perhaps we should go feed, my love” I suggested, taking her by the waist . We walked out of the mansion and out into the garden that separated the house from the street. St. Augustine was a beautiful city with a few remaining traditional spanish buildings and plenty of culture. Although it had been taken under British command and then transformed into an American city, it had never lost any of it’s old spanish charm. We walked through the city hand in hand her face was relaxed and beautiful. I watched her with a strange fascination, how would she react to this new part of her life. She had killed many people I could tell from the darkness in her eyes, but all of them had been Vampires. What would she do now that she needed to kill a mortal?

We rounded a corner into a neighborhood full of ships men. Young boys with defined muscles and darkened skin. I could feel my own need begin to grip me, but I needed to restrain myself and take it slowly. I let go of her hand and motioned for her to watch closely. She froze and stood still as a statue, she had already started to second guess herself on this. Her eyes were wide as I rushed over to a very young sailor. He couldn’t have been older than fifteen. I did not play with him, I would leave that up to Paul, instead I just sank my fangs into his neck my eyes red with lust for his blood. She watched in horror covering her eyes with her hands, she turned and once again ran from me. I dropped the boy still half alive and chased after her. She ran and ran and ran until finally she stopped in a garden far from our mansion. She was perched in a tree when I caught up to her.

“I can’t do it, I’m sorry but I can’t.” she apologized.

“No, I should have known you wouldn’t be able to handle it yet.” I joined her in the tree and jumped down with her in my arms. “I’ll show you another way.”

Telling her to stay I launched foreword into the garden bringing back a large mouse. My stance was animal like, I was using all my senses to catch one of the vermin.

“You can live on the blood of animals. It was a rats blood that I gave you last night.”

Vittoria gave me a small sad smile and took the rat from my hands. Delicately she bit into it and drank. I watched silently wanting to know what she would do, she was drinking to much. I reached for her hand and pulled it away from her mouth. Her eyes questioned me.

“If you drink it to it’s death you will also die. Your heart must always continue to beat and circulate the life force through your otherwise dead limbs.”

She just nodded in her usual silent way. Then launched off into the greenery. Her stance was that of a lioness, even if it was animalistic it was majestic and beautiful. Her long hair whipped behind her in her haste and she returned in mere seconds with a soft cat in her arms. She nuzzled it with her nose kissed it softly on the top of it’s head.

“Sorry sweet” she murmured against it’s silky fur coat. Gently she bit into it’s fur covered neck. Thick blood spilled over her lips and the cat purred on until the second of it’s death. She was gently petting the side of it’s face as she drank the last few drops. Just as gently as she had pierced it’s skin she smoothed it’s fur and placed it gently into a bed of flowers.

We returned home and took up seats in the parlor with Paul. He and Vittoria talked quietly amongst themselves while looked on with great pride. I had created two absolutely gorgeous beings and they were both willing to live on with me forever, or so I hoped. Even though they were talking about a very common topic their was still a hint of fear within both of them. I knew it would take much longer than one night of exposure to melt this barrier away, but I also felt that there was some kind of strong bond between them. A bond that an older brother might share with his younger sister.

The night began to grow lighter and my trained eyes could see the sun rise in the distance. I led Vittoria out onto the balcony of our British style mansion and let her see the crisp line of morning light on the horizon. It would be the only bit of sunlight we would ever see in our eternity. She smiled warmly at it and led me up to the coffin. I kissed her on the forehead as we climbed in and closed the hatch.

“I love you Vittoria” I whispered against the skin of her neck. She was silent but I knew she shared the feelings for me, even if she wouldn’t let herself admit it.


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-03 02:23:32
Good going Rinnie and Doomlight!!

Very intersting stories from the both of ya!

I had to take a day off school because I feel a bit sick and tired- so i came on to check on your stories! ^^

Hello Voyeur! Welcome to the Writer's Club- enjoy!~

p.s: the poetry trip was ok, but kinda boring- we've got another one coming up in March too!! =='


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-03 07:16:49
Thanks Mokona!!!

Oh forgive my terrible inconsideration Voyeur. Welcome to the Writer's club!!! I should have said something sooner!!! I really can't wait to read some of your works!


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-05 21:40:45 (edited 2010-02-05 21:47:19)
@ All: I really am very past posting here. But not to worry, I'm still in the club Doomlight!

Anyways, welcome to the new peoples, I'll do my best to try to comment at least 2 or three pages back. Anyways, lets go!

@ Mokona: "Inversion and Duplex" Ohhh, I want to see the rest of it! CLiffhangers leave me anxious~! Also, do try to put in a small character detail or two. You dont need to go impossibly in depth, but it does help the reader if they have some sort of idea who the other characters are. (But I also am aware how the imagination usually will come out with the ideal looking person.)

@ Icrael: "Written on Spur" I usually write in the spur of the moment too, but it was pretty great! The details come in as I kept going through, and progressed enough so I at least have a picture of where the character is. Pretty great for an introduction.

@ Rinnie: "Through Moving Doors" That was great! I could really see all that happening! I smiled at the ending. Short and Sweet and to the point. We really do get some great ideas from random things!

"Monday" You did a really good job of building the main character at the beggining. I also really like how the big mystery was presented too. However, I did find it a bit dificult to differentiate the secondary characters, since I couldnt really tell who they where. The bus scene also seemed to go by a bit too fast. I think there is some room to put detail there. But I myself am interested in how this'll go!

Wah, looks like I'll have to hold back on commenting on that chapter two till I read chapter 1.

@ Toyumi: A very interesting estate indeed. The background also seems to hint at some kind of mystery of sorts. I couldn't sense the characters too much (though I did note that the sister seems to be not too good at losing things) but it's still really early, so you could always go into depth later on. If the background wasn't there I would've come as quiet a shock if it was presented later in the story. Keep at it!

@ Doomlight: "Military Helicopter" Ohhh! High octane action! It was quite interesting when you talked about the people who seemed to be in midair. But I think for this kind of thing you may want to add more sensory details. YOu could say instead of "the miniguns fired" it would be a lot more visually impactful (Is that a word) if you added more sensory details. "The miniguns blazed fourth thousands of bullets from it's rapidly rotating barrel, any ground unfortunate enough to recieve the fire was potted with doesens of bullet holes" Scenes like this should go into detail with the details ya know? Gets the reader's mind pumping the more they can feel that they're there. My imagination sort of filled in the details for me, so I enjoyed it. (played delta force black hawk down way back when)

"War hits life" Same as before. Try to add some sensory details. Also, when you have a good amount of characters, try to note enough detail on them so the reader can differentiate between them, and at least paint a general picture of them. Not only in action, but in how they speak, their gestures, etc. Also, when something extraordinary happens. Make that single scene almost into an entire paragraph. Make the reader sink into the chaos!

"A Last Stand" This story made me smile on the inside. You did a better job with explaining actions in this one, and a bit better on character for the main characters. However, it felt like it was missing a big component in terms of setting. Though the entire thing, in the back of my head I was asking (Where where they fighting? is it raining? have they already fought there before? how extensive are their defenses? etc. Good story though :)

Oh, also, if you're wondering how to hide the list of stories. You can look in the help/faq section of the forums tab. The code for spoilers is there ready for copy paste.




Well like I promised Moko-chin, I'll post up some stuff I've been doing recently for my creative writing class. And Miss Teacher Lady, if you see this just ask me to log onto Gendou Next class to prove I didnt Pagurize!

Here's a poem giving wisdom to my next of kin.

12+ Tidbits of Knowhow

Today my pretties I tell to you
Wisdom from this old fool
Though whether I am alive or not
Is inconceivably a thing that shall be not
A worry to my little tots.
Twelve bits of knowledge in these little lessons
About life and its many denizens
That takes great pride in pestering you
So heed my words and you’ll be better
Like reading your first love letter.
Please try not to fretter-fretter.

Do take care in what you say,
As it can make you feel bad all day.
Do not wait till the last minute,
As you don’t know the consequences in it.
Approach people kindly, and smile as well,
Make them think you as really swell.
Always check before you sit,
Especially if it be a toilet.
Keep in mind your Mother’s words,
Since you are certainly one of hers.
Should you find yourself in a pinch,
Think not as if you where the Grinch.
Unless it was related to that mean old Mitch.
Keep track of things, it works out well,
Or else you’ll find that things won’t go too swell.
Use intricate language, when speaking to wisers,
But when with friends don’t speak as if higher.
Learn to count, read, and write,
As you’ll have to do so anyway, so don’t leave yourself in a plight.
Keep good hygiene, exercise too,
Or else you look like quite a fool.
Yet, do not be fearful of the world’s words,
For those uncaring people do not deserve,
The liberty of your attention.
Take things easy, take a break,
You just need to sit once and a while, and eat a steak.
Fallicies will be your friend,
As they can intimidate to no end.
Carpe Diem, Seize the day,
Before time comes and takes it away.

And finally, learn to learn and to interpret, as well as to respond,
Because not a single speech and paper can ever cover the many things you will confront and experience,
In the life that is ahead of you.




Next is the beginning of a rough draft for a short story that's due pretty soon. Makes and is an obvious reference to lots of things. Still hope you like, comment too! Don't read if you only wish to read the final version when I post it up! Also partially based on one of my old rps which was also based on another thing!

The First Story: Penance Prior To Punishment


(Stops in the middle of the exposition sadly, work in progress...)


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-06 06:08:18
@ All- hi everyone! ^^ i haven't been able to post in awhile... well, that's a long story. the computer that i kept the first and second chapter of 'the silent one' on has officially crapped out ^^; so i'm not going to be able to post stories here for awhile (that is, until we get a new computer... that one was about 4 and a half to five years old anyway...)

@ Voyeur- hehe, you joined the club... ^^ (see it wasn't that hard to join now, was it? you made such a big deal out of it in chat... ^^;) anyway, welcome!

@Doomlight- i loved your short story! very interesting... it was war mixed with love. very rare to see that sort of thing. (or at least i don't see it often)

oh and before i forget, here's the link to the first chapter of 'The Silent One' so you can post it on the first page (i kept on meaning to post and give it to you, but i kept on forgetting. ^^;):
http://gendou.com/t/24120&ent=835240#835240

@ Rinnie- good job on your story. can't wait to read more! (i am a bit sick of vampire stories at the moment, however yours is pretty good ^^)

@ Ugo- great poem! it really has this air that an old person is telling it... good job! ^^


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-06 16:55:58
@ Ugo - thanks so much!!! Your poem was very nice by the way, it has very good advice! If only we could live by it 100% of the time!

@ Toyumi - Why thank you! I try to keep my vampire stories on a totally different realm from Twilight. But I have Chapter Three already finished!!!




Chapter Three

Your mind wont let you say that you want me

Your mind wont ever, never let you say what you want

You howl and wail like a banshee

Still your mind wont ever let you say

My little tired devotee

Your mind wont even let you feel


The third night came upon us in a much more peaceful manner, than the night before. Vittoria had woken before me, but instead of jumping out of the coffin as fast as she could she stayed nestled beside me. She had intertwined her hand with mine and pressed it close to her corseted waist. I welcomed the feeling of her stubborn warmth beside me. I really did not want to wake up, if I could I would savor this moment forever. But I knew that the longer she stayed with me the more Vittoria would begin to remember reality, and her heart would become pained.

Together we climbed out of the coffin. I lead Vittoria into my bedroom pulling the bookshelf over the hidden entrance to our coffin room behind me. The servants were starting to stir in their quarters out back. She sat on the bed and watched me intently as I went about my room dressing. I couldn’t help but smirk when her eyes stayed glued to me as I pulled my shirt off over my head. I spun around and appeared before her pulling her close to me.

“You see,” I whispered in her ear, “I’m irresistible.” I let my hands slide over her shoulders as I made to undo her dress. Her eyes instantly locked with mine. “You’ve been in that dress for two days now, I had a dress prepared for you last night. It belongs to my servant’s daughter, she is a little bigger than you but It will have to do until, the seamstress arrives.” I let my hands fall down her back as I nimbly undid the buttons holding the fabric to her. The dress fell to the floor as I pulled her to her feet. She blushed as I kneeled down to pull at the ribbons of her fine corset.

“If I’m putting on another dress, I’ll still need that.” she protested blushing harder as I pulled the stiff fabric from around her waist. My hands found their way under her chemise to the bare skin of her stomach. She was warm and toned. Her muscular stomach reacted to my touch. I wanted to take her so bad,make human love to her, but I knew that this calm would not last much longer. Especially if I went that far so fast. Soon the turmoil in her mind would consumer her once again, and she would shut me out. I removed my hands and instead cupped her face leaning in to brush her lips. She didn’t move to kiss me back, but she didn’t pull away either. I kissed her more passionately, praying I would get a reaction out of her, and she was just about to give in when there was a knock at my door.

“Master Benedicto, do you require anything?” the woman’s soft melodic voice called from the hall.

“No, we will be dressed in just a moment.”

I handed Vittoria her corset and pointed to the green dress that hung in the closet.

“That is for you.”

Then I leapt unto the bed and began to prance around. Vittoria stopped lacing her corset to watch what I was doing.

“Come join me,” I offered her my hand and pulled her onto the feather mattress. “just mess it up so it looks like we slept in it.”

“Why?”

“So the servant’s don’t discover us, of course!” I started to jump around on the bed again, she smiled slightly and jumped up and down a few times in her undergarments. She would never admit it, but I believe she was beginning to like it here. After a few moments I leapt down and motioned for her to come with me. She placed her delicate hands on my shoulders and I put my hands on her waist. She gracefully jumped from the bed into my arms.

“From the looks of that bed, the servant will think we were doing more than just sleeping.” She said letting me leave my arms hanging around her lower back.

“We could confirm that suspicion.” I whispered against her forehead. She blushed and pulled away, “Shall we get dressed the ?” I conceited, playfully pretending to be disappointed.

“When you finish dressing we should go feed.” she said already in her dress. She sat on the bed watching me slowly go about my morning routine. I nodded and hastened to finish. I left paul with instructions to hire the best dress maker in all of St. Augustine to come to our home with her finest walked out into the warm evening. We parted ways so that she could hunt stray cats on her own, I went about the streets looking for someone to feed upon. I did not find anyone at first. I was too busy worrying that I might loose Vittoria. When left to her own devices in the city like that I was almost positive that she would run. My paranoia consumed me quickly and I turned around. I couldn’t help but follow the soft sounds of her dress blowing in the wind through the city. I just had to make sure she wouldn’t tire to board the next ship back to England, or go back to her fiancé's house.

To be honest I was quite surprised when she returned home without me. I stayed out for a while longer lost in my thoughts and plans. Some stray thought in the back of my head possessed me to find the house where Vittoria once lived. At first, I didn’t know why exactly I wanted so badly to visit this place, but it became clear when I found myself on the front door step of a very nice flat. I didn’t knock or peer in any of the darkened windows, I went strait to the balcony with the glass doors that were wide open. A single candle burned low and a single body laid in the bed. I figured this body belonged to Clarence, the man Vittoria was supposed to marry. I crossed the room and leaned over the sleeping figure. He was a handsome man not but two years older than Vittoria. He was well built and right up my alley. I could feel a tingling in my fangs as I began to thirst for his blood. I leaned in further read to pierce his neck when I froze. If Vittoria ever found out she would surely leave me. Even if she may not truly love this man, she had grown up with him. I would not harm him.

I stood up again and fled from the house as quickly as I could. The sent of his blood trapped in my nostrils, the sound of his heart rattled around inside my head. I viciously lashed out on the next man I saw walking down the street towards me. He was dead in moments, it was so early in the evening and I had already killed once innocent man. I fled from this scene as well, enraptured in my own fear of loosing Vittoria. I sat down a garden that usually bustled with people late into the night, but on this particular evening it was empty. Everyone was attending the ball in the city.

For the longest time I sat alone just staring up at the moon, mentally convincing myself to calm down. When I had finally regained some composure, I began to slowly walk back to the mansion.

When I arrived Home I found Vittora standing in the middle of the library stripped down to just her chemise. She didn’t look to comfortable with the situation, but she stood there and took it with and emotionless expression on her face. The Seamstress was taking her measurements and fitting her with some very fine dresses. I watched from the shadows with a small smile plastered across my lips. She was so beautiful I could almost not contain it. I could see her round breasts through the thin fabric. A sight that was enough to drive a man mad.

“Ah, my love don’t you look beautiful just standing there. I almost think that fine clothing would be a waist on you. You are quite gorgeous in just that.”

Vittoria looked up and turned a deep shade of red, and the seamstress turned around with a look of pure horror on her face.

“Nein, Nein, Nein, Gentlemen are not allowed!!” she yelled in a high pitched german, and waved her fan in my direction before chasing me out of the room. I stood out in the hall laughing, as the door was slammed in my face. I could hear Vittoria chuckling from with in.

Turning away from the library door, I settled down in the parlor and waited for the Seamstress to emerge with the bill. I watched the profile of Paul moving about in the garden. Resisting the urge to go into the library through the window just to annoy the old woman. Paul was sat down on a bench next to one of the rose bushed I loved so much. He took one of the blooms into his hand. Bending down next to it he paused for a moment then licked it. I didn’t know what he thought the action would accomplish, but I watched as he tried it again. The scene from the parlor window was so amusing I didn’t even notice the soft footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Ehem” a small cough at the door tore my eyes off of Paul and his unusual behavior.

Vittoria was standing in the door way. Her hair was done up in loops and braids with pearl decorations spread through it. The dress was a pale blue satin with white satin accents, it went well with her brown hair and shining eyes. Little white ribbons wound around the sleeves of the dress and stopped when a white wide sleeve flared around her elbows. The bustle on the back of the dress accented her figure perfectly and had small white details worked into the right places. The outfit was finished with a white cameo choker and fine earrings. I rose from my chair and bent on one knee to kiss her hand, she held out a hand gloved in white lace and bowed her head.

“There are more dresses” she whispered smiling. “Thank you.”

“There is a ball tonight, weren’t you invited Herr Montalvo?”

“I was.”

“Then take the lady, she is suitably dressed for the occasion. I will finish her other garments while you are out.” the seamstress piped up in that annoying german accent of hers. I bowed to her and thanked her for doing such a wonderful job with my beloved Vittoria. Then I rushed up stairs with my servant to prepare something that would match the class of my date’s dress. The remaining thoughts about Clarence blocked from my mind. For the time being.

By the time we arrived at the ball there was only an hour left in the occasion. But the music was still playing. It was a lovely mix of American and Spanish music. I couldn’t resist smiling as we walked in. Young men eyed my Vittoria from every corner of the room. A few almost ran their dancing partner into another couple. I possessively drew her closer to me as I lead her out to the dance floor. We joined all the other young couples in a cheerful dance. I kept my eyes glued on Vittoria, and her eyes stayed stuck on mine. She danced well, but she was slightly clumsy. It came as a surprise at first but then I remembered that the girl standing in front of me, was not your normal lady. Instead of dance and educate lessons she was trained to hunt vampires.

“You are amazing,” I whispered in her ear, “I love you.”


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-12 11:27:13
okay, i'm finally able to post a story... this story isn't a chapter of 'The Silent One'... it's just one i had an idea for so i decided to write it. i hope you all like it! ^^


Turn Around

It was an ordinary Saturday. Shylock Haploff was at a company dinner party. It was held in a high rise, in Manhattan. The cause for celebration? Oh, no real reason. The invitation said To Celebrate Our Latest Business Success, but quite honestly Shylock did not know what their latest success was. And I am the head of the company!, he thought.

The high rise he was in was lavishly decorated. It had contemporary styling, a sleek kitchen (not like he would be using it, the caterer was the only one actually using the appliances), four bedrooms (for anything, and that does mean anything), and a large balcony to accommodate the beautiful view. And what a view! The high rise was right in the heart of New York, so you could see everything, from Times Square to Battery Park, from the site of the Twin Towers to China Town, from Greenwich Village to the Statue of Liberty. Such an amazing spectacle. It was the view that Shylock was here for, not the party. The view made him feel at peace with the world.

After saying hello to his close friends, Shylock sat down in a couch with a glass of wine. He watched his workers mingle and have a good time, with the piano being played in the background. It was very relaxing.

Then, he saw her.

She was simply gorgeous. Long blonde hair, in a loose ponytail. An amazing body, and it was amazing. Her body was slim, proportionate, almost like a model’s. She had the walk of a model. She only seemed about 27 years old, not too far off from Shylock (he was 32 years old). And she had on a stunning black dress, with golden accents on it. Words simply couldn’t describe this woman.

Shylock had to introduce himself to this worker of his. He just had to. He couldn’t resist. He was a bachelor (had been one all of his life), and this woman was stunning. She walked out onto the balcony, and Shylock followed her out. She stood there, arms resting casually along the safety railing, with the light, nighttime breeze caressing her. It had been a typical summer day in Manhattan, and the breeze was a welcome relief from the heat, even if it was temporary.

He stood next to her for a few moments, waiting to see if she would notice him, and then he decided to strike up a conversation.

“Hello there,” Shylock said, “I’m Shylock Haploff, the head of the company.”

“I am not a part of your company.” the woman answered. Even her voice was perfect, it was milky, and soothing.

“Then how did you get in!?”

“I just walked in. No one seemed to notice.”

Shylock sighed. Hire security next time, he thought.

“Well,” He continued, “I guess it doesn’t matter now since you are here.”

“It’s a free country. I can go anywhere I want to.” She stated.

“That is true.”

“Of course it is. I would not have said it if it wasn’t.”

Shylock decided to make a bold move next. She was starting to get irritated with him.

“So, beautiful, what is your name?” He asked.

“Ugh, you disgust me!” She shouted at him, “Why must you all be like this, like the rest? Can’t you see any deeper? Have any meaning?”

“Woah, calm down, I didn’t mean any harm at all-”

“Let me ask you this,” the woman said, cutting him off, “Do you have a meaning, a purpose in life? Do you understand it? Have you had any true success within your lifetime? Or will you have any success in the future?”

She leaped onto the safety railing.

“Hey what are you doing?” Shylock called out.

“Answer that for me.” the woman said. She then gracefully jumped off, into the lights of Manhattan at night.

“Hey, what the??” He shouted into the darkness. But he knew it was too late.

He ran back into the high rise, and pushed the party goers aside to get to the door.

“Mr. Haploff, why the rush?” one worker asked him.

“No time to explain.” he muttered as he pushed the worker aside. He ran out the door, and into the elevator.

Oh that elevator was torture. It took Shylock so long to get to the ground floor, where he rushed out the door. He looked up and down the street, and people seemed to be going about in a usual manner.

“Why are they so casual?” He said to himself. He walked down the street, and decided to go around the entire block.

But he couldn’t find that woman. No matter how hard he tried. He looked up and down, left and right, but he just couldn’t find her. He furrowed his brows. Was I dreaming it? , he thought. But then he remembered. The summer breeze. Her soothing voice. And the jump. It wasn’t a dream.

He shook his head, and headed back to his own apartment for the night, determined to get some rest, to get the incident off of his mind.

It wouldn’t get out of his head.

Shylock tried and tried, but the woman would not get out. She was the image of perfection. She- this mysterious, brutal, harsh, yet also intriguing- woman, was burned into Shylock’s memory.

It drove him mad.

The next day, he skipped work. And the day after that. And the day after that. For two weeks, he burned up much of his vacation time, to try to get that woman out of his head. He went to libraries, went out to dinner, he even saw a play on Broadway. But still, she wouldn’t go away.

“I need a mission,” Shylock said to himself on his drive to work. It was the second day after he came back, and two weeks and three days after the party where he met the woman.

“Like the woman said, that’s what I need. A mission. A purpose. And I know what that is.”

He made a left hand turn at the parking garage for his office.

“To find her.”
----------

And thus, Shylock Haploff started a small, private organization. The name? ‘Perfectionist.’ Isn’t it just ironic?

Nonetheless, he devoted all of his free time to his organization. The sole mission of the organization was to find the woman who he had met at the party that one summer night long ago.

He used up all of his vacation time and sick time. By the end of the year; every year; it was all gone. And that was just the way he liked it. He traveled all over North America and South America by the time he retired. He hired a few private investigators to help him on his mission. They searched Africa and South East Asia for Shylock. And still, they could not find her either.

When he retired, at the age of 62, he traveled to Asia first. And still could not find her. He traveled to Australia, and then headed to Europe. Her image haunted him all of his life. He could never get away from it; he had to find her. To cure him. Before he died.

One day, when Shylock was in France, he decided to search a small, family owned vineyard at sundown. He had searched many family owned vineyards, much like this one, before. And not just in France. In places like California, and upstate New York too. He slowly wandered among the grapes. He was 86 years old, so nowadays Shylock had to take his time when walking around, especially when he wasn’t walking on even ground.

And then, he did something strange. Something he had never done in his search for this one beautiful woman.

He turned around.

And there she was. The same woman he had met some 54 years ago. She was still beautiful. She appeared as though she had not aged since the party. She was still in great shape; still looked as though she was in her late twenties.

“Mon cher,” Shylock started to say. His voice was very different since the party, he had greatly aged and his voice reflected it, “I have been looking all over for you.”

“I know.” the woman replied.

“I have traveled the world for you, hired investigators to find you. I have learned more than twenty languages for the sake of finding you. You have been the obsession of my life. And although we have not spoken for more than a few minutes, I love you.”

“And I you. I love you as well. Your devotion… Your passion… It is something I have not seen in other men. It intrigues me.”

“Why were you behind me?”

The woman laughed. “I have been behind you the entire time.” she said.

“You have? But… How?” Shylock asked.

“I have. After I jumped off of the balcony, I quickly grabbed onto another balcony of a lower apartment. I hopped onto that balcony, and rushed through that apartment, surprising the people in the apartment as I did so. I took the stair down, and then saw you, out in the streets, frantically looking for me. I decided to follow you; to see what you did. You went back to your apartment, and I followed you there as well. I waited all night, outside of you apartment building, to see what you did. I followed you around for those two weeks after the party whenever you went out. This became interesting for me. So I continued to follow you. I took a cab to follow you around the city. I waited in the parking garage, and followed you back home. I even lept in one of the bedrooms of you apartment for awhile there, to monitor you even closer. When you traveled, I traveled with you as well. Always behind you. But you never turned around.”

She then smiled. “Until now,” She said, “However, you could have found me sooner. If you looked back. If you weren’t in such a rush.”

She sighed. “But I have learned to love you, throughout this long journey you have taken, this journey I have followed. Your passion. Ambition. Courage. Strength. Devotion. It is simply… amazing.”

Shylock dropped to his knees. “I don’t believe it,” he started to say, but then stopped. He started gasping for breath. The woman grabbed him, giving him some support.

“Well,” he whispered, “I guess this is it. Here I am… I finally found you… But I am about to move on… Will you tell me… Please? Your name…”

The woman whispered something in Shylock’s ear, and as he took his last breath, kissed him on the lips, in a moment of pure bliss.


and that's it! again i hope you liked it! ^^


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-13 07:02:28
can i join this guild?
will be waiting for your reply before posting..

is poems accepted here or just story?


Re: Writers Club/Guild
Link | by on 2010-02-13 16:10:48 (edited 2010-02-13 16:12:46)
@ Shae- i'm pretty sure that it's okay for you to join. :)

and this club is mainly for stories, since (from what i've heard) there is also a poem club on gendou (although i have never seen it... or maybe i'm just not paying attention to it... hmmm...)

[edit]
yeah, it says on the first post that there is also a poem club.


Back | Reverse | Quick Reply | Post Reply |
Go to page: 0, ... 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 Displaying 461 to 480 of 646 Entries.

Copyright 2000-2024 Gendou | Terms of Use | Page loaded in 0.0221 seconds at 2024-11-16 01:36:37