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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-08 18:07:14
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Yeah, I don't like smiling for pictures either... I hate any picture of me. But not smiling at all would be horrible... And no one's worthless, Nightmare. I used to think I was worthless, but then I thought about life if I was never born, and I realized that I have made a good impression overall (...I think). Even little things give you worth, such as cleaning out the vacuum, loading the dishwasher *cough* making the depression thread *cough*... There are things to give you worth. And Ketsuki, it sounds like you've helped Amber a lot, just by listening to her, and you've helped me too. Everyone has worth, no matter who you are. And if that isn't good enough, you're valuable because you guys are my friends.  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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i dont smile, i hate smiling. i laugh, but i dont smile. feel more depresed by the second. having no desire to live, i do not desire to live, but i live, if i will be alone, i would like to sleep life away, but i cant. life itself is pointless. its always been me, alone. not knowing what you desire, not having motivation, no reason for things, not seen the point of living, not know what my purpose is, why am i alive if i have nothing. thats what kills me, i have no memories, no desires. lonelyness can be a bitch and fuck with your head. sry about the rambling, but thats just me. getting stone seems to be the only way to get rid of the pain.  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-08 21:15:45
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Dangit, Ketuski! Why can't you see that there's more to life than loneliness and despair! Smiling is a way to show that you are happy! If you don't smile, then you're not happy! If you're not happy, then life is screwed! If your life is screwed, then you're depressed! If you're depressed, then you kill yourself! Why can't you see that you do have worth, that everything's not all screwed over, that there is happiness, and that things do go right? This depression of yours is gonna kill you, Ketsuki! And what do you mean no memories? You remember that you don't smile, that you think you have no purpose, that you remember what laughing is, that this and that are all part of your memory. Life is not pointless. If you're already alive, then make use of it! You only live once, so make it count! And you do have desires. You want friends, you want love, you want your depression to go away. You can make it out of it, but if you're in a pit, then quit digging! Find someone to help get you out of your pit, and don't dig anymore holes! There is a path out of your forest, you just haven't been able to find it. Now, get out there and find your path! Dang, I'm suddenly worried about getting banned... I just realized how much I was flaming and ranting... I hope Gendou won't ban me, seeing that I'm trying as hard as I can to keep from escalating my rant... Grrr, so many little things can make you explode... Anyway, hope you have a good time for now! |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by
on 2005-11-09 09:24:16 |
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but for ppl who have trouble smiling like me,i try to live my life.if ya see any pictures of me,u sure won't be able to see a smily face.smiling is not necessarily a way to show happiness.i show that i'm happy by telling my friend and family i'm happy(of course without the smiles). i agree with s-a-c-h-i-e-l that life is not pointless and that we lived once.ketsu,everybody has a purpose in life,you just have to look for it.don't stop halfway and give-up just like that.there's more to life than loneliness.i was told before loneliness is what someone chose that's why he feels alone most of the time.having no desire is not an entirely a bad thing.you can look for whatever you desire since yer young and have many years ahead of you. ketsuki,i've gone this phase of life before so i know how it felt and used to think the same way as you did.there's this girl whom is a goodfriend of mine but i also liked her alot.but she has feelings for someone else and i helped her to get acquainted with him.i felt stupid at that time and felt it's pointless to move on without her but when i got to see her smile,i decided to live just incase something were to happen to her and she has nobody to turn to.to me,as long she's happy,i'm happy,i guess.it still hurts to see them together once in awhile.once i found out i have this kind of desire,i felt alive.like s-a-c-h-i-e-l said,stop digging that pit,ketsuki,try to stop for once,look up and see the clear sky of happiness and ya might be able to see what ya actually want man,i sux at givin advices.ciao Kay(||-.-) |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am sorry for saying this sachel and bloodmoon, but that has to be the biggest load of crap i have ever heard EVER! life is pointless...deal with it...i have, ketsuki has, you should too...you think too much about "oh it will all be ok eventually", or "everyone has purpuse" or my favorite "dont worry, there is someone for everyone"...lets face facts...everything will NOT be ok eventually, you actually have to do something about it and that only creates more suffering on your part. everyone has purpuse? maybe, but in the grand scheme of things, we are all insignificant in the eyes of the universe...if i was not born, i really wouldn't care. and no one else would either...but the fact is, i was born...so i have to make the best of it...i can withstand suffering, can you? and that last part... um, what about the millions of people who are single all there lives? all the people who die cold and lonely in an ally? all the people who slit there wrists and throughts because they are not loved? huh? where are THEIR someones? the fact is that not EVERYONE has a soul mate...some are doomed to be lonely...and that is what i fear is going to happen to me. and seriously, how many times do i have to say that pain, suffering, death, and sadness IS the only things that are real!!! sometimes i like to think there is more. MAYBE love exists...but thats it... i think sachel said it best....."If you don't smile, then you're not happy! If you're not happy, then life is screwed! If your life is screwed, then you're depressed! If you're depressed, then you kill yourself! " ya, thats pritty much it, isn't it? |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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s-a-c-h-i-e-l, you ask why cant i see more to life than lonliness and despair, its probably cuz i always been alone, people that i wanted to be around me have always left me, people who are around me dont want to accept who i am, dont allow me to be who i am, so i have to pretend to be something im not just to avoid the fights. if i decide to leave i have no were to go, im stuck here. what do i mean by no memories? i mean that i have never been i a place long enough to make good memories, all the ones i have are about how i always been the new guy in town, and how i always been alone. and know everyone is either to old or too young for me to be around. im screwed either way. blood moon, i might be young, but that does not mean i have many years ahead of me. you tell me to stop diggin my hole. to seek a way out. my hole is so deep that its easier to dig my way through and come out the other way then it is to struggle climbing out. i dont even know what i feel anymore. i feel so alone, i just want someone to hold me tight. someone to make me feel that everything will be alright. to have someone hold me while i cry for once. i always have been the one to help people get out of their missery, i always supported them, i have held them when they need to feel safe. dont get me wrong i am glad i done it, but it would be nice to have someone to make me feel safe for a change. someone, anyone would do. to have someone love me. but its always been the other way around. oh well, nothing i can do about it today, it was actually a good day. I spent a lot of time with kitsu-chan, last night I was telling her how beautiful and sweet and nice and funny she was, even though she denied it, she is. But as good as today was I, as much I hugged her, it still didn’t change how I felt, if anything it made me feel like she was only doing it to not hurt my feelings, cuz after all she doesn’t feel anything for me. Oh well, that’s life. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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nightmare, i just saw you post after i finished writing mines and i could not agree more with you. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by desertranger
on 2005-11-09 20:06:26
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OK so what. I was 37 when I met Rin. I hadn't had a girlfriend or gotten laid in a long time and was as depressed as the rest of you. Being depressed I wasn't really looking for compaionship. Still I did meet Rin completly by a chance so remote as to be unbelieveable. Not only that I found the girl I was looking for. we found romance and sex and we got married for more romance and sex. It does happen. My turn. Rin's really sick today with a hi fever and I have to go to las vegas tomorow til saturday and I can't get out of it. Wendy's gonna come over and stay with Rin but I'm not really happy bout leaving her home sick. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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If life is pointless, then why are we here now? Why, then, have we been given life? We have this chance, and so little time. Isn’t there a reason, a purpose, or some sort of meaning? Do things just happen? Does life just happen? Is death and sadness all you can see? What’s wrong with a little hope or a little faith? What’s wrong with believing and searching for the light? Maybe it’s not the truth, but it’s not a lie either. All we can do is believe, when there’s nothing left and the future lies ahead unknown. If darkness is your only friend, then it’s like you’re dead already. THERE IS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE, but most importantly, everyone is for everyone. That’s why you guys have this thread, right? If pain, suffering, death, and sadness are the only things real, there why are we still here? Where do they find that strength to go on? Something else exists. Something more than death, sadness, pain and suffering combined. Killing yourself is NOT the only solution. Maybe you feel alone sometimes, but A LOT of the times, it’s your own choice. I wish I could hold you, ketsuki. I hate seeing your feel that way. I wish I could hold your hand. But it’s only if you let me. Again, it’s your choice to be alone. I’d never let go of you if I had your hand in mine. Maybe things won’t ever be alright, but if you’re together with someone, it doesn’t seem so bad at times.
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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ranger, like you said it was chance that got you and rin together, but i dont see chance on my side, my luck is worse then depression. im sry to hear that rin is sick, i hope she gets better real soon, tell her that we want her to get better. ibtxhis, i ask my self most of those questions everyday when i wake up, i lost hope and faith a long time ago, there is no light in my life. you are right killing my self is not the solution, where do i find the strenght to go on, i dont know, i guess its just to feel pain, to suffer, thats what i always known, and i guess thats what keeps me going, sometimes i cut and bleed just to know if im still alive. maybe you are right, it might be my choice to be alone alot of the times, but that is because i rather be alone then pretend to be happy, or to have people ask me whats wrong on as hourly basis. and i really apreciate you telling me that you wish you could hold me. would i let you hold my hand, yeah i would. and you are right if you have someone things dont seem so bad cuz you know there is someone to hold you and help you through. again i appreciate what you just told me. thanks |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-09 21:38:30
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THANK YOU, IBTXHIS!! Someone on this thread (well, except R&R) realizes that life is only what you make of it! If you say you're gonna be alone, then you will be! Words have a lot of power, more than you could ever imagine. I've seen it happed too many times, when someone'll say "Watch that car run off the road" and it runs off. Not that exact thing, but with other things. Be careful with what you say. Also, that's partly why you guys are depressed! You say that life is bad and it's best just to die, etc., etc. By saying that, you become a pessimist. If you're a pessimist, you get depressed. You get depressed, you kill yourself. So, be a optimist, which will make you smile more, and you'll be happy. Anything good can come from anything bad. Example: someone gets murdered. Bad, right? But then the murderer goes to jail, suffers the next 15 years of his life, and (hopefully) doesn't kill anyone again because he's learned from his mistake. And then others will learn from his mistake, so they'll be better off too. Being lonely has a good side too. It makes you appreciate friends. Think of this lesson as a scale; one side goes down, the other goes up. There is balance in life, and life has meaning. And how many times do I have to tell you, Ketsuki? You have friends. They're all right here, posting in this thread trying to be a help, but you always push them away. I believe you have the hedgehog's dilemma. By getting close to someone, their spines and/or quills hurt you and cause you to bleed. Some hedgehogs just decide to be alone instead of worrying about the pain, but others maneuver their spines to avoid hurting the other. And Nightmare, if you were never born, this thread would not be here. This thread has helped you, Ketsuki, me, Rin, Ranger, and many others deal with their depression. If you died, would people be sad? Yes, I would cry my heart out. People do care about, Nightmare, grow up and accept that. Never playing the part of a victim is bad, but so is playing the part of the victim all your life. You have people that care about you. Ketsuki, you too. And loneliness and despair are a huge part of life, but so is happiness, love, fun, laughter, and all sorts of other things. I'm not saying that life is all daisies and christmas presents, but it's not all death and decay. You need both for life. Plants decay, giving the other plants nurishment, giving those who eat those plants life, and that lets those who have life give others life. Hope I was of some help, and that I'm not starting a riot ^_^; |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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When I was a teenager I saw so many people that were close to me getting hurt or dying that I had given up on my own life completely. I drifted along doing what ketsuki was saying; always having to prove myself to the filth of new communities because I was the new guy, pretending to be someone I wasn't because I was black and other blacks pretty much hated me because I didn't look, talk, or act like them, and trying and failing to find people that would accept me for who I am as opposed to what they wanted me to be. The only difference is that I was literally praying for death every day. I expected the worst out of life and had no hope for the future. No one told me I would get better or things were going to change. One day I was sitting in my dorm room in the dark drinking because I had just been dumped by a girl for one of my best friends and between the relationship, full time college, the insomnia, and my two jobs I had overworked my body to the point where it finally caved and my heart just stopped beating. I was angry when the dorm manager revived me with CPR and I cursed her out. She called the police and they took me to a hospital for observation and testing. I spent the next week on suicide watch wondering why God didn't just finish me off and what could be waiting for me that was so important that I couldn't just die then and there. Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you have your moment of clarity. It was about then when I realized that a part of what Sachiel said is true. Our lives are what we make of them. You are not going to meet some fate predestined by God or anyone else. If you wallow in loneliness and misery, then loneliness and misery will be the driving forces in your lives. If you only see pain, suffering, death, and sadness as the only real tangibles then that is the life you will be rewarded with. I'm not saying you have to immediately do a 180 and "be positive" about everything to make everything better. Only you can decide if or how to change it and change takes time but it also takes a willingness to move foward. You don't have to let your depression control and ruin your lives.  Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun. - Ash, Army of Darkness |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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i just have to say this! I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO A PARTY TOMORROW!!!! thats right, MY PARTENTS ARE ACUALLY LETTING ME OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! im soo excited, this is going to be awsome! ketsuki, its like we are brothers or something...seriously i agree with you wholey and i ask myself those questions every day as well. Ranger....wait, Rin's sick? oh...wow, now i really don't feel so excited anymore. i hope she is ok and gets better soon. Ill say a rosery for her again before i go to sleep tonight. it is a real pity that you will not be in town...i am sure she will be alright...but still.... Sachel: it is not that easy to just become an optomist...and actually, im ok with the fact that life is pointless...its like a game. playing a game is really pointless, but you do it because its fun...but life is not fun...far from it. I know that peoiple like you care about me...and that is why i am not dead yet. plus, im alive because i think (foolishly) that i can help people with my life...take other people's suffering and sadness into myself so that they can be "happy" Doraemon: damn, id be pissed too...that sucks dude. but yes, i see your point, that is why insted of wallowing in dispare...i just accept it...that way it doesn't bother me so much and it helps me to help other peoiple that are in pain...it is hard to comfort a scared person if you are scared yourself...it is hard to help a friend in pain if you are blinded by your own pain...i think of it as a way of clearer thinking...i know that that sounds stupid, but that is the way it is...and praying for death is pointless, i realised that a while ago. Death will come to you when it feels like it...death is lasy like that.... |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-10 17:06:40
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Yay, Nightmare! A party! Your first in like... Ever almost O_o Is it me, or does Rin seem to be getting sick over and over again recently? Ooh, Doraemon, your story is cool, in a weird, sick, and twisted kinda way! I can tell my friends that I know a dead guy! Anyway, I feel bad for your past, but I'm also glad you had it. If you never were depressed, you never would have came here and shed your light on this dark time. And yes, being an optimist is difficult, but it's vital to being out of depression. As long as we're alive, we might as well make it pleasant, neh? and yes, life is hard and a pain in the butt, but if you're an optimist, or have on optimistic view on this, then you can see so much more. And Nightmare, being an optimist in your current situation would be quite easy; you just had something cool happen, so you're happy. If it weren't for cool things happening, everyone would be a pessimist. Oh yeah, Nightmare, that's sort of a good look on life. By taking everyone's sadness upon yourself, others will be happy. Although, I'd rather have it be that you just make it go away instead, but that's harder. Still, I say good job for that view, although it's foolish, and so's mine too! Foolishness are teh pwnzorz! |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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Well we have Nightmare and Ketsuki on the life sucks team vs Sachiel and comrades on the life aint so bad team. Where do I fit in you ask? Im on the team of life is meh, so-so. Life is pointless, who cares do we really need a point, there actually is a chance that it wouldnt be pointless but that chance is lower than winning the super lottery. Even if life is pointless I was prefectly fine not existing for the trillions of years before I was born, I'll be fine for the trillions of years after I die. I will just enjoy anime in the mean time, although it wont fill my life with meaning, it makes life worth living. "Pain, suffering, death, and sadness IS the only things that are real." Pleasure, enjoying, life, and happiness are equal in my opinion, as long as you let them be. I remember Nightmare saying happiness is just something to masks the crappiness of life. I believe happiness is real, sadness is something that uncovers the crappiness in life. Sadness is good for the soul, we need it. If one isnt sad when an innocent person dies, then what are you? Sadness is great. Happiness can be good, but its also a double-edged sword. If one is always happy, its like gluttony. Being happy although everyone else is having a shit time is rude, and some people laugh when others die. Happiness is overrated. "THERE IS SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE, but most importantly, everyone is for everyone." What?! "what about the millions of people who are single all there lives? all the people who die cold and lonely in an ally? all the people who slit there wrists and throughts because they are not loved? huh? where are THEIR someones? the fact is that not EVERYONE has a soul mate...some are doomed to be lonely..." Thats more like it. To actually say, not quite. Trillions not millions. Most never have and never will. Even if they manage to get married, how many people ever find true love. My count so far out of every one I've met in my life is 2. HI RANGER AND RIN. I can only hope that the anime I watch is not based of a false, non-existing society in Japan. If parties are like what im used to then dont get exited, unless you like drunk or stoned dimwits. Unlike most I don't shun suicide, I find it as an option anyone should be free to make. I dont like people who shun suicide, its kicking everyone who has done it in the back. If I were to get a girlfriend and she were to die before me, you can expect me to follow her in seconds, unless revenge is in order, or have kids that need taken care of. Ah Ketsuki, did you know im jelous of you? Having someone you can love, even if they dont return it. Would you rather be like me and love only no one other than an imaginary girlfriend in the future that you would most likely never get. I would like to know what this love feels like because I have none for my friends or family. I have wanted and still want to kill half my friends and family, or people who used to be my friends or family. But really who cares about them I got anime, the thing that keeps me and the people around me alive. The point is I get mad, happy, glad, and sad all the time. Life is nothing of these in the end, just an experience that is either good or bad or maybe just so-so.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-10 20:10:00
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Dang, Jomunga, you put everything I think into words, but better than I do. Yeah, if you're always happy, then that screws you over. Yeah, if you're always sad, it screws you over. Anyways, I have come across something... Actually, I came across it a while ago, but forgot to say it... If you say "I don't care" all the time, and have an "I don't care" attitude, it can easily get you into drugs and other stuff. And yeah, I never thought of that, out of the 6 billion or so people on earth, we only meet like 50 or so, and one of those, maybe, will be the one we love... So it's like 1 out of every 100 people we meet we fall in love. Well, I guessed 50, but it could be 25, 10, 200, or some other number. Eh, I'm rambling... I should stop before I type for the next 15 minutes. See you guys later! |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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it was the other way around for me, i began to have the "i dont care" attitude after i got into drugs, and somehow it landed me in the hospital, its kinda like Doreamon, i was i rehav. for two weeks, first week was a full time, i was in there locked up. it was just like a prison, i ate at whatever time they told me too, i was sent to the room at the same time all the time. and had to take some meds. and i cursed my stepmother out every chance i had, she was the one who brought me to the hospital, she was the one who put me in there, i would be dead right now, but im not, death doesnt want me, i would have been dead 3 times already, but im still here. my father, not once did he went to visit me. we were allow to call home everynight, i only called once and when they picked up i hung up, i realized i didnt want to talk to them, thats one of the many reason i hate my dad. out of all that people i met, rin and ranger are the onlyones i know of that have found love. i have met alot of people since i moved around alot, and never,until now, have i seen what love is. i dont quite understand why jomunga is jelous of me, i never said i love anyone. i might care for kitsu-chan as more then a sister, but i cant say i love her, when i dont know what love really is, the only example of what love might be i ever seen i rin and ranger. where i come from there is no such thing as love, there is only lust. so im surpized to know that love is real. as far as i know its only been myth. but enough about that. its kind of hard to post her about how i feel and have to talk to my friend about it at the same time with out having a few tears come out. life might not suck, life might not be only pain, but thats all i have. |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by
on 2005-11-10 22:02:55 |
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Jomunga said " Even if they manage to get married, how many people ever find true love. My count so far out of every one I've met in my life is 2. HI RANGER AND RIN. I can only hope that the anime I watch is not based of a false, non-existing society in Japan." Only us? I can't believe that. There are lots of people married as long or longer than we are who are in love. Some of them are even romantic like we are. It's that in the 21st century romantcisim and fantasy have been replaced by sex and technlogy. How can you be romantic with the TV on? I have been I have had a cold and been sick twice since the start of the school year. I think it's because I'm trapped in a closed building and students come to school sick. I never had this problem at GeoTech since I worked outdoors with in a small group of people who didn't come to work when sicks. Thank you for your concern.  |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by S-a-c-h-i-e-l
on 2005-11-10 22:13:10
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Rin, I was worried you had gone to the hospital or something! Your last post was almost a week ago, and you usually post almost daily. Well, you're fine, so is this thread, so I guess it's ok. My mom and dad are all close and love-y. Not romantic, really, as they have six kids, three of which have jobs, and the other three are usually playing Halo 2 all day... ^_^; |
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Re: The Depression Thread Continued
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by
on 2005-11-11 07:24:50 |
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Oh, thank you. I've never had anyone worry abotu me like that from the online world *huggles* I feel much better today, still weak so I think I'm just going to lay abotu all day and watch anime and post on all my forums. |