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I am a terminal cancer patient
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First off, this is a throwaway, since I don't want friends, family or co-workers to know. I went to the doctor about six months ago complaining of abdominal pain and digestive tract problems. I had problems for several months before I finally went. Two months later I was confirmed to have early onset pancreatic cancer (stage II), which developed in the tail of my pancreas and has already begun to spread to nearby organs and tissue. The tumors are inoperable. The abdominal pain can be pretty bad, and I do take pain killers frequently, but I have chosen not to proceed with chemo and radiation therapy. I was told that the success rates would be pretty low, that basically my oncologist would do everything to improve my quality of life, but that remission of my cancer was very slim. I decided I would try what I can with diet to improve my chances, but that I didn't want to be hairless and half-killed for very little chance of aiding me to remission. I haven't told family or friends, and I even broke up with my girlfriend... I've resigned myself to the fact that I am going to die within the next few years (at best), and I don't want to be treated differently by everyone I know. I do miss my girlfriend, and I feel very lonely living with this secret. I do want to share it with someone, but I know that as soon as I tell them, that's all they see when they talk to me. It also really sucks knowing that I will never accomplish many of the things I wanted to do, education, career, or family. I went through the "stages" pretty quick, well, except depression -- I still get pretty depressed. I was angry and felt cheated, went through the worst of the depression, and I think the diet change is a bartering with the world and myself more than it is with "god." I suppose I have come to a kind of acceptance. I will die young, I will not accomplish the things I wanted, and I will die in pain. I do wish I had someone to hang out with or talk with this about without affecting the rest of my life anymore than I have to. I've also been considering what things I want to do before I die -- I'm thinking that I did not experiment enough with drugs or sex, but I am desperately trying to finish writing at least one novel (I doubt it will ever get published, but I am trying to address my reasoning and logic to my friends and family in an abstract sense, give them a last parting gift). Ask me what you would like, but I don't want to reveal too many specifics -- fear of co-workers, family, or friends finding me out. |
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Re: I am a terminal cancer patient
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If you care for your friends and family at all you should tell them. My mother died of terminal brain cancer. The doctors said 1.5 years and she made it 2.5 years. Everyone knew and tried their hardest to support her. It took lots and lots of time but I eventually came to grips with the timespan on my beloved mothers life. My sister never did. After the first year and a half I realized that I had time and motivation to do everything with my mother i had ever wanted. I didnt realize it at the time but these things are the things that help me cope with not having her now. My fondest memory is crawling on her lap as a 19 year old woman and curling up to have her stroke my hair like she had done since I was little. This memory helps me get through every day and try to be the strong wonderful woman my mother was. My sister never came to terms with this during my mothers life. She fought to "save" her till the day she died. She battled a death sentence and in never giving up sentenced herself to defeat. I dont think she has ever gotten over it. And it really saddens me. I dont know what would have happened to her if she had never known and not been at least able to try...even if she did fail. tl;dr If you care about your family/friends at all, allow them to say goodbye to you while you are still alive. We all need memories to hang on to once our loved ones are gone. Give these to your family and friends. |
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Re: I am a terminal cancer patient
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