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What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2005-09-04 09:41:48 (edited 2005-09-04 09:43:03)
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Sai made an interesting comment, \"Lady Rin, noramlly it pisses me off beyond belief to see another relationship flourish, some kind of complex I picked up from high school I guess, BUT I wish you and Ranger nothing but the best of my wishes and happiness for the future! Sai, I\'m glad we had a positive effect on you. However there was a point where it almost failed. Nejigirl and Shiryu, I hope I spelled it right, also commented very kindly on our relationship. Thank you very much.  We have learned over 22 years to keep a love strong and active takes a lot of work and we are far more than a just another stable couple. Out of all of our close friends we have been married the longest. Holly and Ben are the closest with 17 years. Most of them have been married, divorced and married again. Wendy three times and Carol six. We have aquaintences who have been married longer only they are just married. I feel that our relationship is special because of the way it started, how and where we got married and our first five years together. Fifteen years ago our lives changed very suddenly and had it not been for the first five years I don\'t think we would still be together. What do you think makes a relationship like ours last? What makes a relationship work? I have my own opinions and a few more questions only I don\'t want to colour your answers. Have fun. Ta  |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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I know this will sound trite, but for a relationship to work and last, you have to love each other, respect each, be each other's best friends. If you can't do that then a relationship will fall apart.  |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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Yes, for a relationship to last that long, there also needs to be respect,trust and friendship. Without it, the love is doomed. the worst thing is to try and make that love last for years, and i think that many couples give up without working for their relationships. EDIT: By the way, it's Shiriu, not Shiryu ;) |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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Some people are just compatible with each other, like puzzle pieces. With love its like adding glue to a completed puzzle.  Jomunga eats your avatars. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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first off, you need to be able to have many a conversation with the other person.... talking is really important, and they have to be able to take you seriously, and then turn around and be silly with you... you need to develop trust {which happens over a very long period of time}.... love is such an amazing thing when it really works...... isn't it exciting to know that there might be someone like that there for you in the world? i don't know, but i think it's great, even though it's hard to believe... you need to love eachother in all aspects, and love them for their faults, their assets, and they dreams and fears... you need to be able to grow with the person... it's something that you have to work at, and that's why i admire it so strongly when i see it.
nya........... hehe.
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2005-09-05 06:32:04 (edited 2005-09-05 06:36:52)
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Respect,trust, friendship and love. I don't see dependence and sharing. Sharing Ranger and I share our love. We also share everything else because if you can't share, there can't be any trust. That means sharing a single set of bank accounts, both names on everything of value like the house and our cars. That kind of sharing means implicit trust of the other since I either one of us could go to the bank and take all of the money, sell the others car and walkout leaving the other with nothing. It also means sharing at a very basic level. Not just our bodies but our emotions and thoughts as well. If he comes home depressed I can't ignore him and just fill him with meds. I have to share it, to find out why he is depressed today. That means if he becomes sucidial I have to share that as well to make him come out of it, because if I ignore him I could find myself alone in the world and in deep depression myself. It works the other way around as well. If I'm lonely or need his support he's there sharing my problems and emotions with him as well. Without this sharing a realtionship can't work. Dependence I also depend on Ranger far more than most people can imagine. I depend on him to protect me both physically and emotionally. I cannot be apart from him for more than a few days and even then I am depressed from the minute he leaves until I know he is on his way home. I don't like an empty house, even if he's just out for a few hours. During the worst part of our marriage I almost left then I realized that if I did I had nowhere to go. I don't mean a place to go like a house or hotel but emotionally. I would have been left in the cold with no one to support me inside, which I must have. I'm afraid that is where I am weak. Ranger is the same way. When he goes on a business trip he calls several times a day and we spend hours on the phone. he hates being alone even for a few hours. At home we might not have anything to say for hours only at home he is there, sitting besides me, holding or touching me. It is amazing as I think about it how much physical contact there is between us. Even in bed he holds my hair as he falls asleep. he is alsways in pohysical contact when possible. Our dependence started the night we met. I was lonely living alone and the morning after we met I felt I had to see him again, I had to have him close to me. Whether it was an innocent girls infatuation or a real love and wanting I knew I had to be physically near him. I also know he needed me the next morningl I knew when he took the ribbons from my hair. I can't leave him, anymore than he can leave me. That's because of the dependence and sharing we have at a very emotional level. This has helped us through many a crisis, heled us through good times and bad, very bad. It is also my dependence on him that gives rise to my greatest fear, losing him. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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| I think the sharing is already implied in trust. As for dependence, yes, when it's an emotional dependence. But then again, emotional dependence always exists in a couple that has true love. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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| I think Rin's relationship with Ranger is kinda how I vision my one wif the girl that I'll be wif hopefully one day (by the looks of it rite now, never). But yeah, mutual trust and respect is important. I can see how wifout it a relationship can fall apart. My mum and my dad just no longer respect each other nor do they talk, and they sleep in separate rooms. Sometimes my mother would go and try to talk to my dad but my dad claims he is already fed up wif the family that failed him. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2005-09-06 04:36:48 |
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I know people who sleep in separate beds. Even some very close friends. I dont know why they remained married to each other if they can't be close. I know fre couples who haven't made love to each other in years. The only reason one couple stays together is their son who is five. They don't even kiss anymore. At least St and Juju who have a lot of problems are trying to work them out. Only I'm afraid St is not going to make the course, it's very difficult for him. The rest just seem to have given up. Question: Do you think the dependence is still there even if they are no longer in love? See I can leave a short message. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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| I think couples such as that, eg. my own parents, stay together coz usually either of their kids or that there aint no other place they could really go. My mum have complained and says that it would be better for her to move out and live by herself but she never really go through wif it. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2006-01-30 07:27:30 |
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There has been a lot of talk about love and sex recently and I found this topic from last year. I think it's relevant to what we have been talking about so I am bringing it up again. There are only ten posts, most of them very short. Of all those people only Jomunga, I are still here. Kotuso I would be very interested in your response. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2006-01-30 19:53:12 |
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So would I, hmm probibly go something like this: Love is avoidable at all costs, never get involved with anything/one. I have no room for compassion so I don't need love. Kotuso mabey you answer the great unkown, why are you like that? |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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The great unkown,really isn't that unknown. "why are you like this" -Chemical Imbalance in the brain?(probably not)" -Logical explanation through facts(yes) -Finding stupidity(that may be a little harsh,oh well)in relationships?(yes) -Aehtics?(yes) -Trying to be an non-conformist?(no,there is no such thing as a non-conformist) -Likes space?(yeah) |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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What makes a relationship last so long? Probably the fact that the couple loves eachother, respect eachother, tolerate eachother and simply get along fine. (I wouldn't really know, never been in a relationship and never been kissed ^_^) *blushes and suddenly feels EXTREMLY embarresed* 
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by OwdEe sh4H
on 2006-01-31 01:01:35
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to me,it takes more than love to last a relationship.sure,love is the basis needed,but some relationship may not started with love.like my parents,well,they didn't say anything abt love at first sight or sth,but my dad only saw her once or twice before,never talked to her n then they get married.never even see each other after their engagement.love blooms after marriage i guess. i'm not saying that ppl should fall in love or not before a marriage,i'm not experienced enough to say that.what i'm trying to say is love can happens at anytime n ppl shouldn't force for it to happen rite?but i think respect,tolerance n patient matter more to manage a relationship^_^   |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2006-01-31 01:34:29 |
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Love is a decision; if you want your relationship to last then you should decide to love each other. Many people believe that love only consist of feelings and Sex, their wrong that’s why many relationship fails. I’m sure most of you attended wedding ceremonies or at least you’ve watch it on T.V. during the wedding vows the priest would ask “Do you man “name†take this woman “name†to be your wedded wife for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part†and they answer “I DO†which mean they DECIDE to love each other. 
“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.†|
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by
on 2006-01-31 06:25:34 (edited 2006-02-01 04:50:19)
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I don't necessarily agree with that Backbeat. Both of my sisters and I had marriages arranged for us when we were 12. We were all supposed to get married on our 21st birthdays. My sisters did. Thye both said I do. Both were married to abusive husbands and according to Gwen Jane was relieved when her husband was killed in the Falklands war. Gwen divorced her first husband and re-married and is now in a happier relationship. I escaped by marrying Ranger. That cost me dearly (for worse)yet I don't care. So just saying I do does not mean you love each other. "...for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part†I do, I do. 23 years this April 27th. |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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Love can be skipped,its umimportant,like when you go to a prom (most of) everybody is all like...well....Rin-like. But then from an overhead view you see that that prom in which everybody's thoughts and attention is consuming,is nothing but a small spec when you look at the entire picture,or just a small building when surrounded by thousands of skyscrapers,or like a small planet in the universe... Anywho,those who only focus on love are bound to become the unfortunate slave of it... |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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by eternaltorture
on 2006-01-31 14:55:54
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i don't agree... maybe, you just didn't experience love yet, so you probably don't know. love can never be skipped, your love maybe but not other people's. well, i don't see that many slaves, i see happiness... |
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Re: What about relationships - An opening of hearts.
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I'd still tend to disagree. Love can be skipped,it Has happened before,and they lived a normal very happy life. Your idiosyncrastic screen is different than mine,your's is like Jomunga's. Mine is a little more "enlighted"(my own words). My screen is a little more pessimestic,yes I admit it. How does a pessimist go without love? Cognition-The act of your willpower overriding your chemicals in your body,effectivly changing your insticts,behaviors,reasoning,and learning type.(my own words) |