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How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-16 02:56:30 |
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Hey various peoples. All my life I have had trouble fitting in. I am one of those people who is not invited to things, forgotten and generally ignored. It started in primary school when I was bullied after telling one of my 9 year old acquaintances about my 10 year old enemy's crush (childish at all)? After which he beat me weekly (probably exaggerated, I was in primary school). Since all my other friends were in the same group as him and I was perceived as doing wrong, they were on his side and I no longer had any friends. Since then, I have never really been able to fit in. I have always made some little mistake, some small error in wording that makes people uncomfortable around me. Now I have finished high school and I have made a few friends but I can't see them any more due to us all going our separate ways. I have tried going on chat sites etc. but it all comes down to nobody likes me. It may seem impossible but how can I fix all this? |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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Try the gaming world it seems to be the best place to make friends. you can get their Facebook info and talk more from there. Theres lots of ways to make friends. Another thing is you should try dressing to impress, expand your style draw a FEW people in and make them feel welcome :) trust me bro i feel the same way. I moved from my old neighborhood to a city for 3 school years I never really made friends I had associates :/ its hard to find real friends by any all means necessary. I'm at my senior year in high school I went back to my old neighborhood I only knew like 3 people they were my closet friends but at the same time they had like tons of other friends so I really felt as though I didn't belong -__- now that I think about it whats left for me up there? haha.. :D they are going there seperate ways and so are my associates where i live now... things are really changing :O o well..be yourself im sure theres some friend out there even if its just one...one can make you happy :P |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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It may be just me but I absolutely hate the idea of "fitting" in. Never change yourself for the sake of getting people's approval. Be yourself and do the things you like to do. A good place to start is with your hobbies. The reason why online gamers tend to end up friends is because they like gaming and have lots of common points with other gamers. The same thing goes for athletes, students, co-workers, etc. So become active in your interests and you will find people that will share that interest with you. I've always been an introvert but I made the decision to go out and meet people. Confidence will help you a lot in getting to know people. Be confident in yourself and believe wholeheartedly that you want to change and people will see it in you. Learning about people's lives actually becomes really fun even if you never talk to that person ever again. Just keep this in mind. You are someone worth meeting and they are someone worth knowing. Just saying "Hi" goes a long way and people will always look favorably on someone who has a genuine interest. |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-16 22:11:04 |
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I am too nervous around new people, I don't know why :S My main interests/hobbies if that helps are anime/manga/books/programming the last two I have no idea how to meet people and I am normally too far away to do anything anime related. |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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Everyone is nervous and cautious around new people. It's only natural to be so. The best solution to these problems is the one you try for yourself. Don't do it because I suggest it or someone tells you to. You have to want this. You have to be fed up with the current you. You have plenty of chances to meet people but you have to realize that you're avoiding them. I ask myself questions all the time to keep myself motivated. Why can't I walk up to that girl in the bar and talk to her? Would she really have come out and got dressed up just to sit by herself? Why can't I talk to that guy reading manga in Barnes and Noble? Would he really hate it if I asked how that series was? If you really feel like you can't get comfortable talking with people then try your co-workers. They're pretty much stuck with you for 8 hours and just as bored as you are. Strike up a conversation and ask questions about their lives. Not only does it make the day go quicker but you get good practice at keeping a conversation going and maybe even meet someone who you might want to hang out with outside of work. Just think to yourself for a little bit. You have the answers but now you actually have to act on them. |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-17 14:12:26 |
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Kudos to your first post, Wolf. Very true and I agree. This isn't MTV MADE, not everyone can just pop into a popular figure around their society whenever they want to. Sometimes these things take time, you have to know yourself to get to know other people. Everyone's shy, was shy, is going to be shy, at some point in their lives but we all get over it at a later point. Honestly, what Wolf said is pretty true. Saying hi can really start a whole new path and open up more opportunities. Even if it's simply saying "hi" over and over, it's building something and later on, it helps. From my experience with friends and people, just letting people know you're open minded and generally warm hearted and friendly, will help. Although the levels of that differentiate from different people, but eventually with confidence, I'm sure you can start fitting in. Also true on making friends online is easier. You can start there, then work your way outside. It takes time, so unless you're going to go through with it, don't worry about it so much, let it become natural to you. P.S. MTV MADE is fake and BS, so don't follow that example. ^_^ 
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-18 04:14:09 |
| Thanks guys :) I think I'll post one of my conversations with a girl online, I really need help with that and if I can talk to a girl I can talk to anyone :D |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-18 05:02:02 |
ME, ME I WANNA TRY HELPIN' YA ON THAT ONE, of course anyone else can help you if you'd prefer it that way. BTW, my name's Nishizawa. Nice tuh' meet ya amigo!  |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-18 05:06:02 |
| Thanks, I'll PM you then :) |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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Let's see. How should you fit in? The better question is: How would I want to conform and what is the best way to do it? Let me answer that: You shouldn't. As you can see, conformity causes much distress and pain throughout the world. If you want to fit in, be yourself. That way you can fit in the way you want to.  |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-18 05:41:56 |
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Unfortunately, being myself hasn't got me anything but pain. I don't want to conform but I do want to meet/befriend people and I don't see how I can do that unless I conform. |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-20 02:27:07 |
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Regardless of what you really are, being yourself is often the easiest. Your hobbies shouldn't matter much when you're meeting people, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. If you're searching for someone to talk about your hobby with, it might take a little time, but it's definitely possible. When it comes to actually meeting people, it takes a little work. If you get nervous and sometimes say strange things, just learn how to control yourself more so that you can prevent it. Personally, I think the best way to meet and interact with other people is through school or work, since you and the other person both instantly have something in common. By the way, if you see conforming as the only way you can make new friends, maybe you're looking at the wrong people?  |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-20 02:37:14 |
| Maybe you're right. I don't know who the right people are though :S |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 09:04:17 |
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BTW, one tiny little question. Uhm, are you the single child? I just wanted to ask. Sorry if I disturbed you or something. You see, judging from the way you answered, I started to get the feeling..... Once again, sorry for asking. |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 14:37:36 |
| Single child as in no brothers or sisters or as in a child with no girlfriend? |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 16:40:19 |
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Uhm, the no siblings version........... |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 16:52:28 |
| I have 2 younger twin brothers :S |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 19:53:43 |
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Mou Wakatta.... Tonikaku, Twin little bros..... Fascinating...... :D BTW, are you close with them? If so, then that's good. You know, I've always wondered where you're actually living..... I.E the geography. To clarify this, what I basically mean is that, if you're living in the U.S, certain states are generalized to be either extroverted or introverted. The discussion concerning extroversion and introversion is long but to summarize it, extroversion has SOME POTENTIAL (I repeat, some) to foster negative attitudes. Although introversion can cause some negative behaviors and thoughts to surface due to the isolation, but each individuals' personality is different. The main thing probably is that you've been exposed to the 'WRONG' people for friendship. The society in general (very true for the 'common mess') is more easily subject to 'Collective Paradigms', I.E typical social mores and such. The 'common mess' is merely an indication that when they adopt a certain paradigm, they don't really think through the intricacies of the paradigm that they are adopting. There are many ways to find the right people. Based on your 'preferred activities', you might find some relief here, in GENDOU, or, you could try to 'meet' people. In order to truly find the right people to start relationships, one must have a clear mind of what are the preferences, preferred activities & beliefs (there could be more, it is up to you) that one has or adopts. Next, one must know clearly how one speaks & writes. I.E conversational style. There are other things, such as tone of voice and the way one behaves; sometimes, knowledge, and personal background come into the picture. Once, they all have been clearly explored and defined, ask the people on how they view you through what they see, not through what they infer. Infer, here means what they 'THINK' they know about you. After receiving their responses to how they view you, it is imperative that you start to plan who to meet and so on. I believe that this bit of information might be able to help you through your life as it is now. Thanks for listening, and ADIOS AMIGO! |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 20:03:21 |
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Thanks, that's some good advice :) basically I need to figure out who I am... That might take a while... It'll be worth it though :) I live in country australia btw :D |
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Re: How do I fit in?
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on 2010-12-22 22:38:54 |
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Yea!!!!! Down Under!!!!!!! |
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